Transsexualism: Outgrowing an Identity

When I came into this world 35 years ago, I was born with a birth defect that altered the course of my life and several times, very nearly ended it. I was a man born with a female body. Through surgery & hormones my body now reflects the man I have known I was since my earliest memory at the age of 2. This is known as transsexualism; it is when the mental gender identity (in my case, male) does not match the physical sex/genitals. Since current technology cannot change the brain, we do have technology to change the body.

As I've been nearing the end of my physical transition with my last surgeries over the past two years, I have quit identifying as a FTM (female to male transsexual). I know many transpeople see being transgendered/transexual/etc as an identity, who they are. They have a lot invested in that identity. More and more I am a public figure in the trans movement as an advocate and professional; I know this revelation will be met in some cases with anger.

I had seen many transpeople who got their final surgeries & said they never were trans, now they were a real woman/man. That always struck me as an insult. Being able to afford these expensive surgeries is a luxury. It also implies that being "real" involves genitalia & have nothing to do with one's mind or heart. What about all those who want the surgery (sometimes desperately) but have no hope of being able to afford it or access it due to personal situation? In the course of daily life, most people have no clue what is between one's legs. Genitals don't make a man or woman.

There are also transpeople who are comfortable with the original equipment "down there" as long as they are seen as their gender of choice. In some ways I envy them for it can be easier, but in some ways more difficult or even dangerous.

Identity -- be it gender, gender identity, sexual orientation, ethnicity, culture, religion, sports team affiliation -- is an extremely important, fundamental facet of who we are. They intersect in the individual. As a result, we are most sensitive when a slight -- real or perceived -- is made against one.

When I was 2 I didn't pray to be trans; I prayed to wake up and my body be like my brother's. It happened...30 years later. It was never who I am (an identity) but rather a medical condition I needed to fix in order for me to continue to live and be a productive member of society. My defect is a part of my past I'm not ashamed of; it and the experiences related to it made me who I am and I a proud of who I am. My ability to afford surgery makes me no more or less male than any other FTM. I respect those who identify as trans; my choice to not identify as trans as who I am reflects on no one but me. It won't effect my plans to advocate and make this world a better, safer place so other transpeople in the future won't know the dark side of humanity as I did. My concern over this is less one for me but for others. While I can't be responsible for their feelings, I can do what I can to express my own in the most sensitive ways. It's something I've obviously thought of a lot.