It seems like women are being targeted more about abstinence than men. Although not having sex until marriage sounds nice and all, the possibility of that happening is really slim. When you encounter people who is trying or succeeding in staying as a virgin until marriage, you usually congratulate them. But when people say they're no longer "innocent", you tend to act differently. So, is sex really good or bad? Is abstinence necessary for a person to stay healthy sexually?
Either way, you cannot stop people from having sex. Sex and other sexual activities have been around since ancient times and they will continue to be around. I would rather donate money to real sex education programs where they teach younger adults how to actually protect themselves than some abstinence-only sex education. According to Sue Alford, "A 2004 investigation by the minority staff of the House Government Reform Committee reviewed 13 commonly used abstinence-only curricula taught to millions of school-age youth. The study concluded that two of the curricula were accurate but that 11 others, used by 69 organizations in 25 states, blurred religion and science, and contained unproven claims and subjective conclusions or outright falsehoods regarding the effectiveness of contraceptives, gender traits, and when life begins." This sure is disturbing. And that was in 2004...I wonder if there had been any improvement since then.
The best quote to summarize my point would be what Jessica Valenti stated in her article, "...abstinence-only education isn't about keeping teens safe -- it's about reinforcing traditional gender roles and ensuring girls are 'pure.' " For example, if you kept on with the news, you probably heard about the Father-Daughter Purity Ball. I understood what the organizers were trying to do. However, events such as this prove that girls are sexual properties...to their own fathers. It gives me a pedophilic vibe that most people would probably never though off. There are fathers out there who molest their own daughters or sons. As a society, we never wanted to think, hear or talk about it. I wonder if they'll have a Mother-Son Purity Ball too...wouldn't that be interesting?
For some odd reasons, people tend to think girls despise sex and it's their responsibilities to keep the boys from getting sexually active. We should not wear short skirts or tight t-shirts that show our figures, we should not lose our virginity until we get married, we should not have sex with more than one man, we should not be too sexy, and blah blah blah. Another fine point Valenti made was that "The only messages put forward about boys' sexuality is the idea that their urges are uncontrollable, and it's up to young women not to 'tease' them." Why is that? I'm pretty sure girls can be sexual active too.
What counts as having sex anyway? Does it only mean sexual intercourse between two genitals? Do all sexual activities count as sex? If so, then it opens a whole new door of excuses for people to cheat on their partners for their sexual acts with others. If what, what counts as the "right" sex then? Does it have to be only between a man and a woman? Maybe children should learn how to properly identify their sexuality before anything else. Then again, how would they know what they like or do not like if they never get the chance to experience it themselves. We all have a choice. We don't need the government or any organization telling us what to do and not to do. They're treating us like we're their tools to reproduce population.
Here are fews articles you definitely should read:
http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/PUBLICATIONS/policybrief/pbabonly.htm
http://www.alternet.org/story/37956/?page=1
http://www.glamour.com/news/articles/2007/01/purityballs07feb
If you have time, try taking some of the surveys regarding sexuality and such here:
http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/research/surveylinks.html
My recommendation would be the "Had Sex Survey 2007" because you'll be surprise what erotic sexual activities you or other people your age might think are considered to be "sex".
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Great post: and you reminded me of a section in "Female Chauvinist Pigs" by Ariel Levy.
Levy attends an abstinece conference, where one of the speakers gives the example of "Miss Tape" He took a long piece of packing tape, wrapped it around a audience members arm, and then unwrapped it. The tangled piece of tape was supposed to represent what happened t girls who enganged in permarital sex. Ugh.
I never heard of that before...lol I didn't know they do things like that at abstinence conference. I should go sign up for one. It sure will be pretty entertaining. It appears that girls lose their values once they are involved in a sexual encounter while sexual activities boost boys' ego (well, the majority of them do anyway). Honestly, I often hear guys telling tales about what they did with a girl among each other. Whether or not it's true, I can't really tell. I would like to hear a guy's perspective on this if possible. To me, it's really disrespectful to be telling other people about what the girls' bodies look like and what the girls did in the bedroom. And this is how a girl's reputation gets ruined.
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I read Levy's book - it had a decent message at times but the repetition was somewhat annoying [just my opinion]. My teacher wrote “Sex is like duct tape” on the board as an introduction to the tape lesson. Instead of seeing Levy’s point, a guy yelled out “Yeah, it fixes everything” & the whole lesson was out the window. It kept me entertained so I’m not complaining … Of course, if a girl said that, she’d be a whore. Oh society & how hypocritical it is.
"To me, it's really disrespectful to be telling other people about what the girls' bodies look like and what the girls did in the bedroom. And this is how a girl's reputation gets ruined."
And THAT is why sex ed is aimed at girls instead of boys. THEY are the ones that are easily "tarnished" by sexual experiences. Boys go around getting their egos stroked while girls hide it and wish they never did it, wish they would have waited until they were older like their mother told them to. Although I wish people would stop pushing the abstinence programs, if someone wants to have sex they are going to and there isnt a darn thing their sex ed teacher is going to do that can stop it. NOW if they were better informed on how to protect themselves against disease or unwanted pregnancies maybe we wouldnt have such a high rate of teenage pregnancies and people contracting easily preventable deaths via STDs.
p.s- when I took my first sex ed class, I was 3 months pregnant. If I would have known ahead of time that I could get free condoms from the health dept. I would have done that.
That is true. Even if a person is having oral sex or anal sex, one still has a risk of getting sexual transmitted diseases without real sexual intercourse between two genitals. My school does not have sex education class. We have Health class, but it does not do anything good since the teacher only talked about how girls become pregnant and how boys should wear condoms. Do parents think sex ed is like just a sex class teaching students how to have sex? I remember one or two of my classmates' parents wrote a letter to the teacher to take their children because we were going over reproduction section in health. It was funny.
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--basically a 7-wk course on surviving the first semester of college, we had to do a section on health/sexuality after a student a few years ago asked how babies were made. Sad sad sad.
``When you encounter people who is trying or succeeding in staying as a virgin until marriage, you usually congratulate them. But when people say they're no longer "innocent", you tend to act differently.``
Some do that, but I definitely wouldn`t. Some people have responsible, healthy and safe sex before marriage or without ever getting married. Others get married for irresponsible reasons. Some save sex for marriage and then have irresponsible sex, for example having kids they can`t afford to raise.
It makes no difference to me if someone saves sex for marriage, has sex without ever getting married or never has sex at all in their lifetime. What matters is that they do what they do responsibly, honestly and with consideration for how their choices affect them and any partner.
``My recommendation would be the "Had Sex Survey 2007" because you'll be surprise what erotic sexual activities you or other people your age might think are considered to be "sex".``
I`ve always thought it is astounding how many surveys are cited telling how many ``sex partners`` people have or how many times they`ve ``had sex,`` without defining what the terms mean.
My anecdotal experience indicates that if I talk to ten different people, they can have ten different definitions of ``sex.`` One Southern Baptist girl`s ``just fooling around without sex`` is simultaneously her wannabe stud boyfriend`s big notch on the ``sex partner`` bedpost. Bill says ``Monica had sex with me, but I didn`t have sex with her.``
I`d be interested to see what the results are for that survey.
I am too waiting for the results. It should be out sometimes next year. Did you take it yet? It was quite interesting although they asked for the participants to be older than 18 years old for obvious reasons. I am too young to take it but I had a 19 year-old friend sitting next to me...so it was sort of like she took it. I wasn't lying! lol My opinion probably didn't matter since I have not done any sexual activities yet. Gosh, I never even made out or had a French kiss with anyone. My ego just decreased dramatically every time talking about it. haha
If possible, I'd like to hear what you think about sex as well. I clearly lack experience and I don't think I have the rights to say anything...
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Yes, I took the survey.
I consider most intentional erotic experience between two people to be ``sex.`` But I did answer no to ``French kissing`` because I don`t consider that to be ``sex.`` It`s such a fuzzily defined word that it becomes pretty much meaningless without a context.
Don`t worry about being ``inexperienced`` in that area. There is nothing wrong with that at all. It took me a while to have enough self confidence to admit with no shame at all that I hadn`t been around the block as much as most of my high school friends had (or at least SAID they had}, and then I realized that all my real friends respected my choices. You`re a lot more likely to end up regretting something you did do instead of something you didn`t.
Well I can't say that I am completly ignorant to the topics relating to sex just because I am still a virgin in the 12th grade and hoping to keep it that way. However I have noticed peoples heads shaking towards FEMALES whom are no longer virgins. And I put emphasis on females because it seems as though it is okay if males are not virgins. That just proves their manhood, I guess, in the eyes of today's society. A man can go to bed with three different women in one night and if a women was to even sleep with one man other than her husband or boyfriend she is dubbed a hoe, tramp, anything but woman.
~*~*Shonda Marie*~*~