Is marriage before college appropriate in society today? Are all of our "perfect couples" and "high school sweethearts" true loves forever or just adding to high divorce rates?
I really don't understand why a couple needs to get married right out of high school. Furthermore, why a couple gets married right out of high school & gets pregnant. What exactly does this do to improve a young adult’s future? In my opinion, nothing. In fact, I think it is ridiculous. If you are single & get pregnant than you better have specific financial & relationship plans, but that argument is for another day.
I recently started talking to a friend of mine from high school … let’s call her Karen. Since graduation in May 2007 Karen has married her boyfriend of 4 years (who is in the army), moved from Texas to Arkansas & has gotten pregnant. Karen doesn’t work & doesn’t plan on going to college until after the baby is 4 or 5. I honestly can’t fathom this being an ideal choice. Married, pregnant, jobless, no college education & a husband that will be going to Baghdad - What on Earth was she thinking? What exactly is she supposed to do if her husband dies or gets seriously injured while on tour? I can’t help but be angry about this. Are people that blinded by “true love” that they don’t think about critical factors of their future?
Then there are the couples who get married because one of the pair is a psycho. A girl threatened to break up with her boyfriend if he didn’t propose to her before they graduated. According to her logic, a marriage before college would make everything better in their relationship & they would never break up. If you have a good relationship you do not need a label like “married” to prove your love. True love will last through college – a ring or a label isn’t necessary to make the relationship last. By the way, he bought the engagement ring, cheated on her many times & now there is no relationship … waste of money & caused her a lot of pain. Congratulations.
Finally, there are my favorite nuisances: the girls who start planning their wedding & entire future after a 2 month relationship. COME ON. In my opinion, you are setting yourself up for failure when you start planning your wedding down to the day, flowers, etc. & start naming your kids … Especially when the boy in the relationship can barely remember his girlfriend’s mom’s first name. I have heard of couples who meet & fall head over heals but they are out of college. Once again Out of College, as in done with their education & following a career path. When your world falls apart because your 2 month relationship is over, you need to take a look at your priorities. Breakups are hard, don’t get me wrong, but some girls are literally crushed by nothing relationships ending – a girl from my high school actually transferred to another school due to a breakup.
Please, don’t become obsessed with marriage. LOVE is a big word. MARRIAGE is an even bigger one. If you want to be engaged throughout college, go ahead. I can understand having a promise ring type of situation if that is really what you need. Go to college. Get an education & follow through with a career. Marriage is nice but make sure you have a realistic plan for you future.
I have been with my boyfriend for years, we are now at college together, we share a car & I could care less about marriage. Do I love him? Yes. Would it be nice to get married eventually? Sure [I say that now..]. Am I going to lose sleep over it? Hell No! If we were to break up ... well ... I better get my stuff back.
Haha... love the "I better get my stuff back." part.
I feel the exact same way about the people in "relationships" around me. Sometimes I feel like the relationships Nazi for my friends because some of them are *idiots* when it comes to the opposite sex. Granted, the only reason I have such a well-tuned bullshit detector is because it's been used so often over the years... and I've had some shitty relationships myself. I've gone through the clingy, obsessive high-school and early-college relationship stages, and I'm over it. The problem is when people don't grow out of it... and just move from person to person in short-term relationships based merely on sex and emotional neediness. It's depressing.
Definately. When people are "going to get married" every time they get into a relationship, there is something wrong. Also, those people who just have sex & dependence are pathetic in my opinion. Especially considering that one partner is usually needy & the other is just horny - never a good combo.
Awesome! I love it! I'm 25, my younger brother is 22 and still attending college, many of his friends got married a yr or 2 after high school. I was still dating and having a life and HIS friends were getting married? I think that is an alarming trend in the young culture. They want security (which ends up being false) and rush into something that seems good and fun but they dont think about reality. I wonder where are the parents of the crazy kids?! LOL
I know what you mean about the parents. I understand that it's the kids life & they are old enough to make their own decesions but sometimes parents need to step in. Not necessarily to ban the couple from marriage but to say "hey, hold on, think about this." If more parents looked at the financial aspects, responsibility, etc. maybe there wouldn't be so many worthless marriages.
I wonder why people are in a rush to get married. Maybe it's a new trend. lol Anyway, I have doubts that those people will stay together for long. No wonder there has been an increasing amount of numbers people getting married. I am curious to know who actually understand the true meaning of love...
Being married does not mean anything really. Sure you live together and stuff, but it doesn't mean you'll be happy. My parents are together because of an arranged marriage set up by my grandparents. Sine they were good-looking people, I guess they immediately said yes after they saw each other. Haha. I'm surprised they're still together. My parents sleep in separate rooms and argue with each other every now and then. But they chose to stay for their daughters. Another reason is probably because they have only each other...
Sweet, isn't it? I guess I'm lucky.
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Some people get married for the financial benefits, too. The tax and insurance benefits alone are phenomenal, especially for military families.
Oh yeah, I totally for get to mention that. It further proves how marriages do not simply resemble "love" anymore. Maybe some people are happier without getting married. As long as they know they love each other, what's the problem right? Well, unless accidents occur then marriage is necessary for the state to get involved regarding who the children should be with, or who gets this part of properties and such.
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http://www.mylot.com/?ref=truelife
I disagree.
I'm really tired of people expecting the government to resolve all their problems, especially personal socioeconomic ones. What happened to people being able to work things out on their own, without court involvement and huge welfare systems? It's getting completely out of control, and we need to reduce the size of government, not to continue increasing it.
Sometimes people just cannot compromise. Then they have to turn for help from somebody. The government involved itself into its citizens' business. These people want to know what and how we're doing as a society. If people do not expect government to help them when they're in need, who do you think would lend them hands? Some people are really not capable for taking responsibilities. Besides, if the government becomes useless...why do we need a government in the first place?
In your opinion, what is a government's role in today's society? What is your version of government supposed to be like?
I don't want the government to get involved into people's business all the times either. Then again, having a government is better than not having one at all...right?
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http://www.mylot.com/?ref=truelife
Minimalist.
Dear Federal Government: Get your slimy hands out of our businesses, our families, our lives.
So, what becomes a role of a government?
Because we can stand on our feet right now, my opinion about the government in similar to yours. However, when I think about those poor people who have no resource to regain their lives or old people who got abandoned by their family, I was kind of thankful to learn that the government got involved by providing funds for non-profit organizations or facilities to the unfortunates. Sometimes I get the feeling that government is nothing more than a bank though. I guess when you compared all the good things and the bad things the government had done for the people...bad ones often stand out more. Maybe it's easier for us to complain than to compliment the backbones of our country.
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http://www.mylot.com/?ref=truelife
I'm more of a complimenter than a complainer.
This site gets to me sometimes, though. Really, what's the point of being on ProU if you're going be writing about all the good things, but not suggest how to improve? Nothing is perfect. Particularly governments. There is ALWAYS room for improvement, especially when large groups of people are involved.
I got married young; at 20 (he was 24). We were together forever, lived together for nearly two years and thought long and hard about it before we took that leap. We realized going in that it wouldn't be all peaches and cream. But you know, we were prepared to deal with a hellish first few years and they came. Just not in the ways we expected. They came in the form of two preemie nephews and months spent in hospital waiting rooms, exhausted. We both still firmly believe that we made the right decision.
In a way, I suppose it was a little different for us. I'd been on my own (with my younger sister) for a few years and had already grown up and figured out who I was, both from that and from my particular situation. I didn't need the time to grow up and figure out where I was going or what I wanted. Life had already given me that and I'd already taken on the responsibilities that most don't ever see until they're hopping along into their 30s.
At any rate, nearly four years in, we're both still incredibly happy and do not at all regret the decision we made to marry young. It fit then, hasn't changed aside from becoming an even better fit now... there's no sense in continuing searching when you've already done it and returned to the same person and realization every time.
As hypocritical as it will sound having said all of that, I do agree with you about a majority of young marriages. It's not something most are prepared for and it doesn't work. They envision all the great parts, and have no clue how to deal with the rough times. Or, they put their goals on hold instead of working towards those goals together. Marriage shouldn't be undertaken blindly. It has a tendency to become a rude awakening followed by a quick end when done that way. But, young marriage doesn't always mean divorce or being miserable either.
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~Fallon~
"I stood
Among them, but not of them; in a shroud of thoughts which were not their thoughts" -Lord Byron
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See, I think the problem is that most people are not as capable as you and your husbands in keeping long term relationship. Marriage mean commitment, endurance, and all that. I wonder if half of the young married couples know what they were getting themselves into and they're not just following what they see on television. Wasn't there a show on MTV about being under aged and having a wedding? I saw it a couple of times, but it just further proved me that these teenagers were still irresponsible. At least go to college first, then get married. There so much more to life than getting married...so much more...
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"husbands"
heh... I knew Fallon was secretly a polygamist. You go girl!
Sorry truelife... I couldn't resist. : )
Oh lord, don't even get me started on that one! My sister was teasing him the other day and told him that her new flame is a polygamist. He was absolutely horrified that his nephews were going to be raised as polygamists... totally missed that she was joking. I could just imagine making a similar announcement after that episode. He's a big guy... I don't want to be catching him when he faints dead away!
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~Fallon~
"I stood
Among them, but not of them; in a shroud of thoughts which were not their thoughts" -Lord Byron
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Oh my... your family sounds like they are just as fine as mine (just about as fun as a barrel of monkeys *grin*).
I was more trying to play on the fact that you are pagan, and the knowledge that all pagans are immoral, therefore enjoy rampant orgies in the woods with other polygamist pagan couples after you eat each other's children.
; )
You mean rampant orgies are immoral?!?! I missed that memo :(
Makes me wonder though... if they had to pick between cannibalism or orgies being more immoral... which would they choose?
Every fight is a food fight when you're a cannibal! I'm guessing orgies.. sex is just evilly bad.
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~Fallon~
"I stood
Among them, but not of them; in a shroud of thoughts which were not their thoughts" -Lord Byron
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I agree.. probably the orgies.. because you need food to eat and sex is evil because it's about PLEASURE and we should all just DENY ourselves all forms of happiness!
On the other hand... can't food be orgasmic too? My Mom makes a mean apple pie. Crap, now I'm just being completely blasphemous...
Chocolate is almost as good as sex some days so... blasphemy away!
We totally need a Hijack blog somewhere to move all these random and completely odd to others conversations too... I have far too much of a habit of getting way off topic.
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~Fallon~
"I stood
Among them, but not of them; in a shroud of thoughts which were not their thoughts" -Lord Byron
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I agree. Then we could say, ominously, "Meet me at The Hijack Blog!"
Muhahahahahaaha
Oh Gosh, I didn't realize I typed husbands. lol Nice catch!
Even if she was a polygamist, I'll still support her. Muahahaha
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... and that's why people pay me to edit their crap.
And yet, I still make stupid typos myself when Blogging for Progress. And constantly use the "edit button". Thank goodness for the "edit" buttons everywhere. I forgive you, truelife, but only this once. J/k. You know I think you are great.
Thanks for a positive post about young marriages.
While I do think a lot of young marriages are horrible irresponsible, I hate that people think that's the ONLY way it happens. (did that make sense?)
My boyfriend and I are young (19 and 22); we've been together for years, and I'm tired of getting a bunch of BS about how we're "too young" to be in such a "serious relationship." I've had my share of responsibility... heck, I've made more money than my parents combined since I was sixteen working minimum wage. I'm grateful that my parents loved me and taught me well, and that I have a functioning, adult brain.
We aren't married yet, mostly because there's NO TIME, lol... but we are pretty much "married" in the sense that we can work as a team to juggle life's obstacles and happy times... heck, everyone we know calls us married :X
Don't down on ALL young people for their choices... some of them are idiots, yes, but some of us are in college and have a future plan. That plan just happens to involve one other person.
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http://progressiveu.org/143541-how-to-survive-the-2008-elections
"We aren't married yet, mostly because there's NO TIME" - What?! You guys cannot find the time to go sign a piece of paper? lol What a busy person you are...
While I too think not ALL young couples are irresponsible, the majority of us is not really doing such a great job. Adults criticize us because we can't even provide stable income for ourselves yet. They will accept marriage more if they see the couple with reliable jobs so they wouldn't be depended on the parents! I think...well...that's what my parents always tell me. They say they'll let me get married after they see I have my own job and that I can stand on my own to legs without relying too much on my partner (whom my parents expect to be a man lol).
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"We aren't married yet, mostly because there's NO TIME" - What?! You guys cannot find the time to go sign a piece of paper? lol What a busy person you are...
Well....there is the whole getting the license, which can be time-consuming if it's busy. Then you have to make an appointment with a courthouse, and of course there's the name-change crap to deal with (which after over a year, I still haven't completely finished...)
But once you're at the courthouse and getting ready for the ceremony? 30 seconds. I kid you not. I've done it. =)
-- quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
Lol no, actually, i don't have the time for that. And as [can't remember blogger's user id] just said, it's a lot more than just a signature.
And besides, I'm the girliest girl EVER when it comes to my wedding... I want it to be a big party... long white dress, flowers, pastor performing it, lots of food (homemade, of course. Who wants to pay catering fees for crappy food?) and lots of family.
It's cliche', but it's an important condition to getting married for me. All it is technically is is legal merit, Right now it wouldn't benefit anything in that respect... but I won't get into why.
In a way, I'm kind of agreeing with you, I suppose... marriage is technically nothing but legal documentation saying you're "with" a person... but I intend on having that sanctity as soon as we have the time to plan the party that comes with it.
If that makes any sense at all.
Besides, I want a big shiny ring. LOL
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http://progressiveu.org/143541-how-to-survive-the-2008-elections
You can still get the big shiny ring (assuming he can afford it in some way). =)
-- quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
There's nothing wrong with a big shiny ring!
Indeed. =)
-- quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
I see your point perfectly! You & your husband went in knowing that their will be issues ... the majority of young couples think everyday will be perfect, lovey-dovey happiness which is just not the case! Also, maturity is a huge factor! I've met a guy who is engaged but still believes that girls don't poop ... yeah, that will be a nice marriage. Ha
You poop? 'Cause I'm a girl, and I sure don't.
Just kidding.
Thanks for seeing both sides!! :) I totally know where you're coming from.
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http://progressiveu.org/143541-how-to-survive-the-2008-elections
I totally agree with you. You're situation, you both were mature enough and ready to take the leap, for the right reasons. If this is the case for others, I would support them getting married, but unfortunately for most young couples, even some older, it is not. At 19, I think I am nowhere near ready getting married, although I would like to, one day. I still have growing up to do, and so do most guys my age.
I wish everyone the best in the constant search for love. Although it is a game of hearts, some need to use their heads more.
"Don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want." - 10 things I hate about you
My girlfriend and I have been together now for almost 8 months. We know that we want to continue are relationship in college and we are actually only going to be about 30 minutes away from eachother. We're not going to get engaged or anything before but we just want to see where things are going. I dont even think we would or should even get married unitl we are out of college. If we are together 4 years from now (which I really hope we are) then im sure we will take action and start a family. Shes going to be a doctor so she'll be in college way longer.
Iono people that rush into things WAY too fast bother me. I mean I'm happy for them but I guess thats not the road I want to walk down.
Take time to find the person you're with and go through a lot with them before you decide to tie the knot. Because sometimes you may tie it a little too tight... them you're choking. Way to go.
I liked your post. Its awesome.
Always remeber to Live Long and Laugh Hard
I married my high school sweetheart right after my junior year of college. Just like LiveLongLaughHard, after high school, we went to colleges 30 minutes apart. We just got promise rings and said we would get married one day. I guess we generally though it would be right after college, but the time came a bit sooner. We both felt in the spring of sophomore year that it was time to take things farther. We planned the wedding for a year and then got hitched. I was practically finished with school anyway. We moved close to his campus while I commuted and went to school part-time.
My point is that sometimes it's the right time to get married a little earlier than the people around you think you should. However, if it is right, most people will support you and only a few will grumble. Only my Nana and a few other family members voiced the, "You're too young." My Nana said "Be careful, every rose has a thorn." She wanted me to find his thorn and run for the hills. What she didn't know then and what I think she knows now is that I had already found it. When you are truly able to commit to someone, you also commit to help them overcome their thorns and his or her thorns don't make you love them any less.
I think for the most part your are completely right. However, I married my high school sweetheart 2 1/2 months before I graduated high school. (I had been 18 for 2 months). My husband and I married because we knew that God put us together. Our meeting was a chance meeting. I lived in Texas while he lived in Alabama. We dated for a total of 6 months after I moved to Alabama to live with my grandmother (not for him, but because my mother was marrying a guy from there). We got engaged on Feb 27 and by March 6 (9 days later) we were married. Everyone said we would never last or thought I was pregnant (which was not true). I admit the odds were against us, couples that marry that early ,75% end up in a divorce. My husband joined the Navy and during or 2nd year of marriage had our first child. I admit it was REALLY hard. I put my college education on hold, which was out of choice, not because I had to. Now it has been 9 years, we are still married and happier than ever. We have 3 beautiful kids, 6, 3, and 1, and I LOVE my life!!!! I am now 27 and starting on my college education. I run a daycare in my home throught the Navy so that I can raise my own children. Yes I know I am 27, and just starting my education. I am just fine with that (I know it seems crazy to you). I did have major plans for college right after high school, but sometimes wonderful things cross your path.
I know that marriage at 18 is not for everyone and that some couples marry because of puppy love, but that was not us. Do I regret get married so young, and following the path that my life has taken? No. Do I want the same for my children? No. If I could go back would I have changed anything? Probably, while I do not regret any decisions I have made, I do wish that we would have waited a few years.
Like I said before, while it may seem crazy to you, sometimes God lays out a path for you life that you had not planned for yourself. While most people never find their true love, I was lucky enough to find that person early in life. Just remember different things work for different people, and you never know when you and your one and only will cross paths!!!
While I do agree that many young couples are in WAY over thier heads. I still believe that a proper young relationship can last forever. I've now been with my boy friend for 3 years, we are perfect for each other and it was apparent to us months before we began dating. I had always planned to have ONE love and only one, and he'd never been able to find the right girl. Because of this we were even each others first kiss In those three years we have not had a single "fight," we talk things out before they get out of hand. He has never even raised his voice at me. On my 18th birthday we will be getting engaged (we already have my parents blessing) and at the end of our sophmore year of college we will be getting married. The key is not to expect life to be a fairy tale. We plan to buy a house for under 100k, finish college, and have children about two years AFTER we finish.
Young people in love can get it right! Who isn't over their heads when they get married? Marriage is no cakewalk. Anyone who gets married has to work hard to make it through. I agree, you can't expect that fairy tale, but you can't really expect anything other than your partner to be there beside you every day.
Your plan sounds solid. I'm happy for you.
www.progressiveu.org/blog/americangirlinchina
I hope everything works out for you guys. It'll be harder when it's the two of you out on your own, but it sounds like you have a good support network, so that will help a lot!
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
thank you a ton! Allthough I'm quite giddy thinking about it! Is it sad that after three years I still giggle just thinking about him?
Be thankful for the giggles. I hope they continue throughout your whole relationship.
www.progressiveu.org/blog/americangirlinchina