The Difference Between Existing & Living...How I Found It

The first three decades of my life are best described as "difficult." Many have remarked that I am brave to have overcome so much. Three decades ago I was a very different man than I am today: 600+ lbs, community college drop-out, pessimistic, unemployed, unhappy, suicidal. Many predicted I'd be dead. I can't tell you how -- the few times I dared share my dreams with an adult, parent, teacher, doctor -- I was told I'd never be good enough, smart enough, or well enough. I have lost over 300 lbs, a victim, achieved honors in my undergraduate major, have a high IQ, am in graduate school, excel because I do have learning disabilities, am confident, respected, in great shape, a survivor, facing & conquering all my fears, optimistic, seeing a beautiful woman and fairly well-liked; people feel good around me. I am systematically either have achieved or am in the process of working towards living my dreams.

I'm not perfect, nor is life. There are difficult times, people & situations. Now I'm able to deal with it in a proactive way, move forward & (in hindsight) appreciate how I handled them & their role in making the good times seem so much better.

I tell you this not for any accolades, but to quantify my position. What follows is advice from experience gleaned through proving them all wrong over the past 5 years. If I can do this, anyone can. I remember what it was to hate life, living, and myself for so long. Maybe someone can relate and in reading this, make their own path out of that simply because they know it can be done.

1. Believe in yourself.
2. If someone tells you you can't do it, prove them wrong even if they never know; you do.
You're who counts.
3. Persevere. Work hard. Know what you want an go right after it.
4. Learn and keep an open mind. Remember that true wisdom is the pursuit of it knowing it
can never be truly attained. Know once you think you know all there is to know, there is
always more to learn & be willing to do so. Continually question yourself, others, what
has always been self-evident & why.
5. Take time to find the beauty in life others never see. See life through the eyes of a child
at the age of 12, 26, 38, 42, etc. This draws people to you, teaches them to appreciate
life.
6. Be true to yourself and your feelings. Experience each to the fullest.
7. Never settle. Never try to "fix" someone or hope they will change. Most times they won't
or if they do, not in the way you'd hoped.
8. No regrets. Learn from mistakes & move on. To spend time lamenting regrets is to
create future regrets over time wasted regretting, not living.
9. We are given 1 chance to live each moment, then that moment is gone. No do-overs, no
time machine, no repeats, no Matrix-like "red pill, blue pill." Play, live, love like each
moment is your last.
10. Love yourself. No one else will give that to you; if you look for that elsewhere, it will
never be sufficient no matter how much someone does love you, how wonderful they
are, how hard they try.
11. Embrace your feelings; express, own & feel them. It's not feelings that are bad but
what we do/don't with them. If you love someone, tell them. If someone makes you
angry, examine why you're feeling that way & if it'd be beneficial to discuss that in a
constructive way. If you want to cry out of pain or joy, do it with honor; I know people
who can't cry or feel that intensely & wish they could.
12. Realize there is a difference between existing & living. Existing is like a 13 inch black &
white TV; living is like HDTV wall-size plasma screen with THX sound.