So... It's happened again.
Yet another woman has showed up at my doorstep with a problem. This time, she hasn't been hit by her...um...beaux(?) But she's already showing the signs!
"He doesn't mean to hurt me" she says. But he does, usually in a drunken frenzy - unaware of his strength and anger. No, he's never hit her... But he has gotten physical, enough to drive her to my doorstep and ask to have an asylum away from him.
"But it means so much that he seems to care about me when he cares about no one else" I'm just not even sure of what to say about this justification.
"He's stressed out at work; it would all be better if they would just get their acts together..." Like I haven't heard (or said) this one before...
Come on ladies!!!! Get over it!
No man - repeat no man is worth that! Stop rationalizing and justifying his behavior and realize your worth!
This is the thought that screamed through my head as the latest recipient of my spare bedroom called and asked my husband to go and pick her up from her home...
A home away from "him".
And as she walked in and started crying, the conversation started... "Why are you still with him?" was answered with "Because I love him." Why do you not see this?" was answered with "he would never hit me on purpose".
I find this very hard to believe as I'm staring at her black eye. Purposefully or not... can I just say what the fuck are you doing with this guy? Never mind the "little things"... you know what?
I am all for the little things when I can see them without having to strain to see them with a swollen eye! I love the little things when I can hold them without feeling the throbbing pain of a broken arm! The little things mean a lot when they don't come attached with strings and fear tactics used to hold me within someone else's power.
And so I was dealing with this, and cooking supper, and avoiding phone calls... and for what?
So "He" can show up at my house screaming - with at least 7-8 guests over to supper? And guess what I did? I made a fool out of myself - again by calling the police and having "him" escorted off of my property.
And what do you think happened? You guessed it. She went home with him.
Then I log into my web sites: I log in here, and I log into my MySpace. And what did I find? My latest godson - Micah - was born in Hawaii last week - and his mother sent me photos.
I couldn't even be there for his birth. And for what? What's keeping me here? So I can listen to more endliess drival about how much this chick loves her abusive boyfriend?
I am simply getting too old for this. I'm tired of living my life passionately to protect women from abusive assholes who would exert "power" when I should be celebrating the life of a new family member. I am sick of hearing about the drama and crap going on in someone's life when I could be watching my Godson taking his first breath, his first steps, or even saying his first words.
Yet, for whatever reason, I know this won't be my last hook into someone else's drama. Inevitably, someone else will come to my house crying with a black eye, and I will be there. My family, once again, will be put on hold as I try to find safe housing and a better situation for this person.
But, in all seriousness, whoever was handed the responsibility of teaching women that they don't deserve that type of treatment, and that they are worth more than that - failed horribly.
And I'm getting too old to be picking up his slack.
Wow, you're a trooper! Someone's got to do what you do when women are too... silly? confused?... to leave the guy. Yeah I'm a guy and I'm just telling you ladies, you wont be happy with a guy who doesn't respect you. Don't hang on to him like he's the only one out there for you. You are worth much more and there are tons of guys who would love and respect you if you gave them the time of day. There are knights in shining armour out there for you, they're just disguised as normal guys and most women overlook them for Mr. Cool...
-Cheez Out-
I do believe we agree on something!
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
Yay! =P Coolness. I'm glad cuz you're a reasonable person and although we disagree on some things, it's nice to agree on something! Awesomness... =)
-Cheez Out-
I enjoy your nod to our first interaction. Funny.
You were WAY more chipper at 6:24 am than I will ever be.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
That's so true! I found my knight. He's a really sweet guy (yes, they DO exist) and he spoils me from time to time.
I don't need drugs - I have genetics.
But it isn't just limited to women -- though statistically speaking they comprise a large majority of the victims. However, the number of men experiencing similar problems isn't exactly small.
Now, there is plenty of debate about whether or not the statistics about men are accurate or not, but the fact remains that it does exist. So rather then having a one ended one gender lecture about how men are evil for teaching women to accept abuse, how about having a dialogue about possible societal solutions to violence against intimate partners?
And I'm sorry you weren't able to be there for the birth of your Godson. I never quite understood why people would stay in an abusive relationship either.
My Blog
"We cannot redeem evil, we must combat it." -- Jean Paul Sartre
Well, luckily I was one of those women that knew how to walk away. It took a lot of work and effort, and a restraining order later but I did it. I know at times it may seem what's the use. However, there will come a day where you will help turn the life around of maybe even just one of these women and you can be so very proud of yourself, because you could have saved them from anything from heartache to death. But if the day comes that you feel you need to move on with your life and do what you want, don't feel guilty for doing it, because you have done your fair share!
CHECK OUT MY BLOG AND I WILL LOVE YOU!!!http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/jennqt341
I just got back from creative writing class --literally, like ten minutes ago--and we were discussing a story called "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love". And the professor said this, and it seems to resonate the truth "love can be cruel--even crueler than hate". Fits here, doesn't it?
I just can't see how women can be so blind to abuse sometimes. I'm trying to hint to my roomie/best friend that her boyfriend is abusive, verbally rather than physically. I hear them fight on the phone all the time and it's driving me nuts because she just caves under what he says.
Ah well, maybe i'll try to cure something much easier. Like global warming or cancer.
You're old!? I'm 18! That's like, almost 20. And 20 is like, 15% of my predicted lifespan!
Nicholas Aden
Self-Promotion
My Creative Writing
...it's all about you.
And you removed your hate mail link. Now I will have to passively hate you. Damn.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
Nick, shut up. And it's totally more than 20%... you are not expected to live longer than 100 years.
~C
Check out the latest entry in the Between The Lines column!
Want the highest rated list to change? RATE those blogs, then!
LOL, I was thinking more like... 19 years...
:))
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"when you have nothing else to say, "Fwonk" is always the perfect thing."
"yeah well, fwonk"
--Devon
Fanaile Essence
First off, there is a pot going on my death date. The betting is 5:1 that I will die 2/19/11. I don't know what to tell you, but Naomi is closest to the pool.
I, however, predict that I will live for over 100 years. In fact, I plan to live to be about 150. 15% was a guess as I did no actual math. I think it would be 131/3%.
Nicholas Aden
Self-Promotion
My Creative Writing
I think what you're doing is good, being supportive.
Have you heard of on the news? Where beautician's in hairsalons, are being trained to spot women who have been abused? Well the beautician's help these women, when they WANT to be helped. W/ help, they are sent to a safe-house, where they'll help the women & kids - if she has kids financially.
You are being a great friend to her. Love can be the hardest thing to walk away from but it can be done. She very much trust you to come to you with this. Good Job! You are being a wonderful friend to her... Thank goodness for friends like you!