Now that I have a daughter, I really watch the "girl thing" I am curious and concerned. At four years old, she was having little girl spats with other little girls. At five she began receiving phone calls from other girls, now at six (almost seven) she is talking about the boy she loves, the girls she hates, who wore shoes that did not match the outfit and who is flirting to much. I am totally frightened!!!!
Working in a school setting, older girls (fifth and sixth grade) are competing for sport positions as though their scholarships depend on it, and beginning as early as first grade they are obsessing over their weight and scrutinizing the food presented to them because they don't want to get fat. In Jr. High girls are actively having sex to take a boy from another girl and dressing in tighter and shorter clothes daily.
Last week a teacher took over 30 cell phones from a group of about 45 Jr. High age kids. Reviewing the text's on them most were from girls to others talking of sex or how they can hurt the reputation of another to "win", popularity, boys, status.
How can we teach our daughters to be confident, strong women without getting involved in all this crap? Teach them to love themselves and not get caught up in the issues women have with other women? As an adult I still have issues with other women feeling as though they must compete with me- and why I do not know.
What can we do?
That's scary! No wonder people are saying girls of this generation are becoming too materialistic... the reason why, I think, is all the MTV shows (admit it. Admit it.) and sitcoms like Lizzie McGuire and everything.
Friends are also such a big deal.
I suggest becoming a friend to your daughter, still letting her know you're her superior. Give her your opinion on things on the media, and how some girls treat each other or think. Don't appear judgemental, just give a brief comment on matters that you think is important. A daughter looks up to her mother; her comments really do sink in. She's young, so it won't be too late.
But that's only what I think. I'm not a mother, so what do I know?
Have you seen the mothers dressing in the tight and short fashions, trying to be what they see on MTV, that is not the role model the kids need either. When children are watching this on TV and seeing it on the streets and in their own families. How do you make these children understand reality?
I can't say that this goes for all mothers, but I believe that the mothers that dress in such a way don't realize their role. They're probably still thinking "this is my life; I'll live it like I want to, and no one can stop me" (see "Prerogative[sp?]" by Britney Spears) without recognizing that they are now role models with influencial actions and decisions.
It's hard because children can retaliate by saying, "if you're trying to tell me what's reality, then take a look outside; these people are real and they're dressing/acting just that way". It's unfortunate.
about the same as I can cuss because I am an adult, or drink or smoke -- the famous do as I say not as I do line -- then the parents become shocked when their daughter is caught drinking, smoking or being sexually active and it is everyone elses fault but their own.
This is a scary problem. When I was growing up both my parents worked a lot, and I have a bad relationship with both of them. I don't think of my mother as my mom, more of a supervisor, someone who tells me what to do, and gives me things sometimes. But I grew up in a family of 5 kids, so I just looked up to my brothers and used them as role models, which turned out pretty badly. I realized what a great responsibility older siblings have, and for the last 3 years I have worked to strengthen my relationships with my little sisters, become veryt close friends with the one 19 months younger than me, and almost a mother figure to the 11 year old. I think this is the key. Friendship and trust are the only things that will protect young girls from the horrible society that they are being brought up in. My best advise for you is just to be, not act, genuinely interested in her life. Start with 'how was your day?'s and them ask her questions about things on TV. Don't just tell her 'what they're doing is wrong.' Ask her what she thinks of it, whys she thinks they act that way, stuff like that. You can't tell someone not to do something, and expect them not to do it. One thing that I've lived my life for the last few years by is that I will never do anything that I wouldn't want my little sisters seeing or copying. Oh, another thing to do is be honest abut your past, don't deny anything that she thinks is true, then she'll think you're lying to her, and that will ruin her trust in you. The best thing to do is be a friend, be a role model, be the woman that you would want your daughter to be when she grows up.
Love and happiness,
Emily M.
So do you think having parents that are more involved, perhaps more Stay-at-home mom type would help? Or do you think that society is creating these children
Don't blame MTV. Blame all of the media.
Bedsides, i don't think it is just the media's fault. If these girls were strong, they would not subject themselves to the media's ideas. Parents need to teach their children early on what is appropriate and what isn't. Also, if they are easily influenced, dont let them watch the shows, if you think thats what is causing it.
I do agree, many parents now days let the TV become the babysitter, creating more time for themselves. People who don't realize that parenting is a full time job amaze me
completely agree with the above, but at the same time, I don't think a stay-at-home-mom is the answer either. I remember my mother being in a similar situation when I was younger, and being totally furious at seeing all of the cattiness and nonsense within my girl scout troop. Meanwhile, she kept getting crap from all of the other mothers about needing to be home for her kids and teaching my sister and I how to do "woman" stuff. They were adamant that we quilt together as a troop (by hand) to learn more of the domestic arts so as to develop as strong women. My mother replied that she was giving us an example of how to be a strong professional woman everyday by working both in corporate America and pulling the second shift at home. When I applied to college, I got into a bunch of great schools with sizeable scholarship packages. The other girls? All at party schools, hanging on whichever guy will buy them a drink next.
I feel like the best is for parents to be genuinely interested and involved in their children's lives, but not to try to "be their friend." That just leads to the "MTV-mom" syndrome which disgusts kids at best, and teaches them that the need not have any kind of regard for the adults in their lives at worst.
Good luck and great post!!
I have found that staying at home with my daughter all day every day is not necessarily good for either of us. I get tired, and can't keep up with her. She feels that and becomes irritable and demanding. Sometimes I have gotten so frustrated that I start raising my voice at her for behaviors that are not really wrong, but that just irritate me.
When we started her in daycare/ pre-pre school, once she got comfortable, I was so happy because she was enjoying herself and learning a lot. It is hard for stay at home parents to be engaged with their children at the level that children need to be engaged with all the time.
Staying at home and cleaning, cooking, managing bills, and reading a book or two to a child in between TV shows is not really giving a child very much of oneself.
I believe it is a matter of "quality over quantity" when it comes to the time parents spend with their kids. A parent can be eternally physically present, but mentally checked out, which does nothing for a child.
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