A friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend. It was not an easy break-up as he has been deeply in love with her for the longest time. They were childhood sweethearts, of all things, so this has been a very deep-rooted feeling. However, she couldn't and wouldn't maintain a monogamous relationship. In my view, it is was understandable. She is younger, wants to run wild and free, while he wants to settle down and have a family. Their age difference is that of seven or so years, which is a lot when the maturity levels are different.
She was unapologetic. She had told him before that she wanted an open relationship, which he had thought about seriously, but the idea made him sick. He told her this. It was all very open. The ideas, expectations, desires, and end result were different in their heads. It was bound to happen.
He had clues. She shied away when he touched; she stopped communicating with the excuse that she was too busy. No surprises there, and he even admitted it.
But what do you say when it finally ends? How do you comfort one that has to go through the pain and anguish of losing their best childhood friend, which just happened to be the love of his life? It makes one sit and think about how to cheer them up so they could move on. There is nothing one can really say to make it better, to make the pain go away. It is hard for them, but is expressing an understanding enough?
There is very little you can say to make a person feel better about losing the love of their life. The only advice that I can give you is to be a good friend and to be there if he needs to talk or just be around someone.
Having been poor is no shame, but being ashamed of it, is. Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richards Almanack, 1749
I was determined to stay off AIM for a few days so I could be productive, but neither one of us thinks running up a cell phone bill on long distance charges is a good thing. I have signed back on in hopes that if he needs me, I can be around a bit.
The only thing that makes it harder for me to be a good friend is the fact that I can't offer my shoulder physically to cry on.
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You can't ignore me, for I'll not lie down quietly.
http://insanitek.net
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That's the only thing I believe, that hurts the most.
Not having the physical ability to console someone you care for.
...I'm still new to love and it's woes- but I know my mother, who at 38, is still very young- has told me time and countless time again; that happiness, honesty, and loyalty are some of the most important things in a relationship.
Your friend should know, that even though it hurts RIGHT NOW, that time slowly heals and makes up for what is lost. He will meet others in time to come and at least now he'll know what he wants from a relationship, instead of being shiviied to the side.
I've watched my mother go through things that upset me like no other- but she came back from it and still remained strong for herself, and for us, and for her family and friends- because she knew that even though her feelings were strong, the loved one's around her meant more to her than anything else.
I think somewhere inside he knows this. He likes to wallow in his self-pity for a while, then he gets more depressed because he let himself down. It is a vicious cycle he has made a habit.
I have pretty much just sent him a message every day to make sure he was holding together. Just to let him know I'm here if he needs me.
I'm happy that your mom is able to be strong! I was hoping there are more people like that in the world. You have given me hope at least.
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You can't ignore me, for I'll not lie down quietly.
http://insanitek.net
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To me I treat a loss of someone similar to a death. Because it some what is. Maybe you can go back, but it is not likely. It is very hard to consule someone when a loved one has passed away and I believe it is the same with a love that seemed to last forever.
People still don't know what to say to me, when I tell them about my mom. The best thing I think is to try to be there for him as much as you can. The words to say to him are hard to come by, but just you being there is a very good gesture! It is hard to go through something alone. I have been doing this through everything and it is alot harder without friends. I hope this helps alittle bit!
Sorry to disappoint you, but I am voting for Lewis Black.
DrifterDani~
I always feel like I'd be more of a pillar of support if I could be there physically, but I sign onto AIM for him to talk to if he needs me. It is the best I can do.
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You can't ignore me, for I'll not lie down quietly.
http://insanitek.net
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