A Ten Year Retrospect - Act 3

June 8 1997 12:15 pm

I think I know where all the shit I have gone through is leading. That place is greatness. There are things that have happened that are improving my life.

First is Cindy W. Bill and I went into a bar. It was in the afternoon, so there was no one around. We started talking to the bar maid, Cindy and we became friends. Now the scary part, Cindy and I met later that week to go out drinking. I found out she knows all the people I used to hang out with and she is still trying to get over past boyfriend Dave B. This is the same B whose sister J I had a bad crush on. Cindy and I should have met a long time ago but didn't. This is the way I see it. She is recovering from Dave and I am recovering from Val, and we were meant to at this time in our lives. Yes I want to date her but I will settle for being good friends for now and see where it leads.

Second I quit Piasa (no more midnights!). The hospital is going to give me more hours.

Until Then

T

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So here I am at work board out of my mind and working late into the night. I thought it fitting that I write the final entry buy hand. It is slow and I am brain dead. If you listen closely you can hear another neuron scream in painful death.

Indeed I have come full circle. I still have a job that is going nowhere, with a social life that is not even going anywhere let alone nowhere. I have to change this situation. So I applied for another job and I am meeting new people. Hopefully something happens, until then things will stay the same except for the ones I change.

It is hard for me to post this final entry. That is why it has taken me so long to get it done. By me finishing this reexamining of my life I have to accept that it is over. I have never seen or heard from Val in over 10 years. Part of me wishes I could forget her forever and part of me never wants to let go. I know I can not live in the past. What I really want to find out is how she is doing. Just to find out that every thing is alright. I want the closure I never got. There I finally said it. Some where in the infinite world wide web, I would like her to read this and know how much one girl changed me.

She taught me what love is, what devotion is, and what sacrifice is. Val may have thought it was a simple summer romance but to me it was life altering. Things could never go back to the way they were. Hell! I would not want them to. I am in the present and as the Bad Buddha would say I need to live in the here and now. So that is what I do.

It is not easy, but life never is. Each day we are presented with situations that test our courage. I wish I could say that I secede at them all. I can not. There are times when I just can not find the nerve that I need. I don't want to get hurt again and I know that this course of action is not good. So I go on finding little bits of confidence from where ever I can. It helps me get through.

If I have learned anything from my life and the trials that I have faced is this. Life will get dirty at times and when it does take all your problems, toss them in to your metaphorical Autochlor, and give them a good cleaning.

As the second line in the journal says, "That place is greatness." I look around at what I have and what I have done in the last eleven year and realize that I am already there.

Author's note: An Autochlor is the company that makes professional dishwasher for the food service industry. That one is for you Mr. Dave Wayne Black. Also Cindy and I did not last either, oh well next.
The next one did not last either, Next!

Share this post on:

 •    •    •    •    •