I really love this idea!
Our friends at One Voice, No Secrets came up with a great Adoption Bewarness Month idea...it goes like this:
One Voice, in cooperation with Adoption Crossroads and OriginsUSA is sponsoring the "I Vote!" campaign to raise awareness of the need for open records in adoption. In order to participate all you need to do is send a postcard to your elected officials identifying yourself and your position on open records. Follow the links below for more information!
The "I Vote!" campaign kicks off during the third full week in November. We ask everyone to send their postcards on Monday, November 26th, 2007. Our goal is for all of the postcards in the campaign to arrive in the same few days.
While we can't and won't dictate the message written on your postcard, we suggest that the simpler the message the better.
We suggest something like:
I am an adoptee with no access to my birth record.
I believe in open birth records for all people.
I Vote!
or
I am a natural parent who lost a child to adoption.
I have no access to my child's birth record.
I believe in open birth records for all people.
I Vote!
**************
Now really when you think of it.. this is easy stuff... anyone can do this and it will take very little time to make a difference. That's my attempt at guilting you into action...doesn't work with the kids to make them clean their rooms, but maybe it will with activism?
There is a reason why birth records are closed. It's a personal issue; some people don't want to be found and they have that right. I'm pretty sure this is a medical/privacy rights law type of issue.
I really do not understand why you would want to force a parent who didn't want their child, to meet that child later in life without their consent, causing pain for both people and the parents who adopted that child and wanted it. Maybe I just do not have a firm understanding of this issue.
The reason WHY adoption records were closed has much more to do with curruption on the adoption industry, hiding stolen children and protecting the adoptive parents who wished to pretend that thier children were 'as if' born to them.
Historically, less than 1% of surrendering parents have no desire to be found. That's based on New Zealand..which has had open records for over 20 years..every other western country that has opened records..and our own counrtry..Oregon, N.H, which have open records.
In all cases, when records are opened..then there is some lind of disclousure preference..where any of the parties involved can state they do not want contact. In the great majority of cases, that is not needed. In Aus they are doing away with it because it is bnot used.
As far as HIPPA laws regarding medical records...that's not what is the issue here..it is an adopted persons rights to have their medical info and thier original birth certificate. Something they are discriminated against. Plus in many, many cases, the adoptive parents already have the names involved and the actual medical info!
In 99.99% of surrenders, the parent DID WANT their child. They just felt, or did not have a choice and were forced to surrender, that adoption was better. In a great number of cases this is not true either.
There is much much more on this issue than what you think...you are operating on typical adoption myths...not truths.
FauxClaud
aka Claudia Corrigan D'Arcy
OriginsUSA...Musings of the Lame..FixAdoption
Parents give up their children for a reason.
It is my understanding that adopted children can petition the court to find their biological parents, the court will contact those parents, and if the parents are willing, then they will be reunited. I see no reason to change this system and force potential parents to consider future contact with children they gave up and didn't want. That would cause social strife that is unnecessary, and discourage people from considering adoption thereby increasing the number of abortions.
Maybe a good compromise would be where the biological parents would sign papers at adoption stating that they do/do not want contact with the child in the future, but maintaining the current system of petition in case they change their minds.
While adopted persons can request information from the court, the courts veryu very often do NOT grant that information. Even in cases of supreme medical need..like life or death. The court does not ever contact natural parents for the adoptee or visa versa..their only role would be to allow the information to be shared.
You might see ne reason to change a system that might seem to work, but for the millions of adoptees and natural parents whose lifes are actually affected by these sealed records, they see many very valid needs. These are the people that the laws affwect and many are saying that they don't like it. There are other laws in our society that prevent people from bothering others...stalking, harassment, etc. There is no valid reason for any governing body to decide who may have a relationship with another. The strife that you might imagine is very necessary to many.
And the abortion agruement is totally false.
In Kansas and Alaska where records were never sealed...adoption rates are higher and abortion rates the lowest as compared to other states. zIn states where records were opened, the abortion rate fell. In fact, with open adoption where people have ongoing contact throughout the life ogf a child is considered to boost adoption rates. Even the NCFA has done studies where they have foubd the reasons why women do not choose adoption when faced with an unplanned pregnancy and they have found that never knowing the whereabouts of ones own child is a reason that women do not choose adoption.
Open records lowers abortion rates..that's fact!
And finially..parents give up thier children because they feel that they have to. And usually it is not a very good reason, but a temporary problem that goes away in time. And even if they have the best reasons known to god, that doesn't mean that they cut out thier heatrs and never want to see thier child again.
Please do more research and stop assuming and sprouting myths.
FauxClaud
aka Claudia Corrigan D'Arcy
OriginsUSA...Musings of the Lame..FixAdoption
Actually, you are wrong. The courts do contact biological parents as requested when petitioned. I know this for a fact, from a friend who actually went through the process.
From the laws of the State of New York (which, from your other blog, I have noticed you are from):
http://public.leginfo.state.ny.us/menugetf.cgi?COMMONQUERY=LAWS
Any other State, for those of you who are interested:
http://www.law.cornell.edu/topics/Table_Adoption.htm
If a parent really wanted to see their child, and loved them as you describe so much but couldn't actually raise them, then they would make a post-adoptive agreement as stated above, which is perfectly legal. Stop trying to appeal to emotions, and realize the true situation here.
Clearly this is rare. I still do not understand why you want to force parents who have given up their children, and real parents who have adopted children, pain and anguish through open adoption methods when there are clearly other ways for reunion when there is a mutual desire for such.
As much as I would love for my Dad to find his original family, he was adopted when he was a toddler nearly 55 years ago, I don't see that it is fair for the parents who gave him up to be found. I am sure that his parents had to make the hardest decision of their lives to give up my Dad and uncle. Fortunately, both were adopted by the greatest man in the world, my Granddad. I can't imagine my Dad's real parents are anxious to relive the events that they made that long ago. I understand, as my Dad has explained it several times, that there is a need to know why and what happened. But sometimes things are better left alone.
I am adopting my step daughter and I am the only father that she has ever known. I have been taking care of her since she was 3 months old. When the time comes, and if she wants to know, both we (my wife and I) and the biological father are in agreement that we will explain things to her and let her visit with him. In this instance it's okay. But when the adoption is complete in just a few more weeks, I will be the father listed on the birth certificate and that's the way it will stay and should stay.
---
Respectfully,
Adam
A-Team Member
That is wonderful! It's interesting that you will maintain the "nuclear family" but also be honest with her about her biological father and allow visits. I would be curious to learn how this works out in the future.
I wish you, your wife, and your daughter love and lots of happiness.
When you father was born..any unmarried woman was pretty much forced to surrender thier child to adoption. You and your father should really read Ann Flesser's The Girls Who Went Away...that will give you a very good idea of what the begining of his story might be like.
I know many mothers in their 80's who have spent their whole lives wondering about their lost child. We never forget. We are taught that these people just 'move on' anf forget, but we do not.. so anxious to relive the events? How about anxious to finially stop wondering? How about it could give them peace?
As far as your own situation..it's hard with father's who never step up..and with our legal system i understand that you have no way really of claiming parental rights to your daughter..in the case of anything happening to your wife, etc. But the birth certificate ..will be .. a legalized lie. That's the fact. You are not her only father.
She should know that from day one..she should know her truth..and it shouldn't be what's ok with all of you...its her life ..her info..her truth.
FauxClaud
aka Claudia Corrigan D'Arcy
OriginsUSA...Musings of the Lame..FixAdoption
Lady, back off.
This man is giving his stepdaughter a better life, AND he's being honest with her about his past. Don't judge him for wanting to be her legal father. He deserves it.
Sometimes, biological "parents" aren't parents at all. Sometimes, the right thing to do is to give up a child because you are emotionally, physically, or most of all financially incapable of supporting a child. I do not know what your personal story is, or why you insist that every child who has been given up should be allowed to hunt down their birth parents and force their way into their lives. That's why these laws exist. Because not every biological parent wants to know. Not every adopted child's real parents want to expose their child to their past. Just because you obsess and are curious, doesn't mean that you have the right to invade another's privacy. Respect the decision that biological parents make if they choose not to reveal their identities.
Egads Claud. I can't remember if I've ever heard the line "Lady, back off" outside of some 1950's B-movie. Anyway I'll hunt you down and force myself into your life later on this weekend to make plans for handouts and whatnots. Thanks for posting that I Vote stuff, I was really excited when I read about it.
Birth mothers does this person know who dont want to know their children? Because of all those I know I dont know any who dont. I know some who dont want direct contact at the moment. But I dont know a single birth mom who doesn't want to know their child and more importantly I dont know a single birth mom who would not want their child to have the right to his or her own information.
The stereotypes are alive and well....unfortunately
Btw it takes some balls to come to someones blog and tell that person to back off. Its HER blog.
Yea and I've got "balls". I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.
I'm offended she would attack a not only a user, but a moderator, who leaves a comment that he is putting his name as the father on a child's birth certificate because he is that child's real father. That's because he's a parent, even if not by biology. People who think parents are only parents by genes are ignorant and they disgust me.
I agree that people have the right to know if they want. But sometimes it's better not to, and if the parent doesn't want them to know, then why force it? I suggested a compromise, and the blogger responded with anger, like it's some kind of affront to humanity.
Forget it. This issue is not one that most people will really be able to relate to on a level beyond "oh that is so sad" and this user is appealing to emotions and looking for compassion without showing you the truth behind it.
This is just asking that adult adoptees have access to their original birth certificates and medical records; that's all. It's not talking about an adoptee busting into anyone's life. Just to get their records -- records that could potentially be life-saving.
I imagine if an adoptee discovered that his/her first mother/father didn't want contact, they wouldn't force it on the mother or father.
Records that provide information on one's history are a basic right of being a human in today's society.
Judy
Just Enjoy Him: Ramblings of a Mid-Life Mom
In a life-threatening circumstance, an adoptee can petition the court and they will win. States with closed records have this system.
are you a part of adoption in any way? -- adoptee, first parent, adoptive parent?
Judy
Just Enjoy Him: Ramblings of a Mid-Life Mom
I have to wonder if engkatiemarie is confusing open records with open adoptions? Access to records, that is, access to truth, to biological and genetic birthrights is very different from forced contact.
David K
www.adoptionagencychecklist.com
Perhaps I am.
It is my understanding from previous conversations with Claud, Google, and knowledge from a personal friend that open records means you have full access to your birth parents and could contact them at any time (assuming they haven't changed their names, and are still alive).
Any child would want to contact their biological parents, from Claud's point of view, and therefore even if the parents didn't want to have contact they would be forced to have an uncomfortable confrontation (e.g. WHY DID YOU GIVE ME UP????). I find that to be unfortunately and unnecessary.
There are compromises between the two to be made here, without discouraging adoptions and yet allowing the adoptees and biological parents to get into contact IF AND ONLY IF there is a mutual desire for such.
Open records means you have full access to your records -- your original name, names of your first parents, medical history, etc. This in no way means that said adoptee becomes a stalker intent on finding and confronting the birth parents.
Honestly, I don't know why I'm bothering because I think I'm talking to a brick wall here.
And I'm not an adoptee but an adoptive parent who would love for her child to have all of the information that is due him.
Judy
Just Enjoy Him: Ramblings of a Mid-Life Mom
I do understand where you are coming from.
I also feel as though I am talking to a brick wall. Can you see where I am coming from, and why I want a compromise? Open adoption records could harm a child if they are introduced back to a bad background, or a parent that didn't want him/her. It could harm the parent, if that parent doesn't want to meet their child like you do. Not every person is in your situation.
Which is why I would suggest a compromise. Something easier than petitioning the court, but more difficult than completely open adoption records. Someone like you could sign a paper at the time of adoption signaling you would like completely open access to the adoption records for the child/ new parents. If you choose not to at the time of adoption, you could sign a paper and change your mind at any time and the child and new parents would be notified. Make sense?
Just for reference, there is a reply button. Please use it.
Since you asked so nicely, I will. Thanks for pointing that out.
I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. I would, however, suggest that you read some adoptee blogs about the effects that closed records have had on them and their lives. If you have your own personal story about this, it would help all of us to understand your strong viewpoint about this if you would share it with us.
Thank you.
Judy
Just Enjoy Him: Ramblings of a Mid-Life Mom
I tried, I really did, but I cannot find a blog that fits the criteria I was looking for.
I'm so sorry. The reason I can't tell the stories I want to tell you, is I signed a contract for the domestic violence shelter I work for stating complete confidentiality.
My blog here:
http://www.progressiveu.org/134337-why-i-passionately-support-early-adop...
Will give you a more statistical idea of what I'm trying to get across. Please feel free to leave some comments, and I'll respond as well as I can.
Thanks for being patient and understanding.
Okay, seriously here.
What do "normal" people do when they don't want contact from someone?
They say, "Sorry, not interested in having a relationship."
If the person becomes pushy and insists on a relationship, to the point where it's a problem, the other person can ask for a restraining order.
So why can't the same rules apply to adoptees and their biological family members?
Open records does not guarentee relationships between bio family members and adoptees. All it does is give adoptees access to their records. Yup, it would give the adoptees the name of their biological mom. It DOESN'T mean the adoptee HAS to contact the bio mom; and if the adoptee does make contact, it DOESN'T mean the bio mom has to accept the contact/form a relationship. The bio mom can, if she wants, say "Sorry, not interested in talking to you" when and IF the adoptee makes contact.
Why, exactly, is this system not good enough?
Why do adoptees and bio moms need special rules to protect them from each other?
The answer is: we don't.
There is absolutely no valid reason to deny adoptees their records.
I agree.
There shouldn't be a closed record system. But there also shouldn't be a completely open record system. There is a valid compromise to be made here, without court petitions and societal repercussions that hurt everyone involved.
Not everyone lives in a happy-go-lucky oh-my-life-is-so-perfect-I-can-accept-you-now world. We need to protect our children. Protect families who adopted children in need. They have a right to protect their children, too, from their past, if necessary. You think you're right because you're a good person.
Not all biological parents are good people. Not all of them want to meet their biological children; want to be bothered by the process. That's why they gave their children up. Give them an opportunity for privacy should they choose it.
Just some things that I have seen that Claud knows that I can't walk away from.
Adult adoptees will be accessing their own records. Key word Adult. I am 42 years old. I am responsible enough to raise my two daughters with my husband. I am responsible enough to handle people's money when paying for their cell phone bills. I am responsible that the US Army gave me a weapon to defend my country. I am responsible enough to vote in my country. I am responsible enough to help my husband on his camp (which is part of 520,000 acre ranch which he is responsible for 1,000 head of pregnant cows, 7 horses, and 35,000 acres). I am responsible enough to when to drink and not to drink. I am responsible enough to deliver mail for the United States Postal Service. I am also responsible enough to pay my taxes. I am NOT responsible enough to have access to my records that accurately record my birth. Define responsibility for me again.
What you are defining is foster care adoption. Yes I do believe that in foster care adoption that there is reason to seal records, yet those records are not the ones that are sealed. It is infant adoption that has the sealed records. If my natural mother were given the opportunity, yes she could have raised me. If my natural father had been allowed his rights, he could have raised me. I have met many mothers who were very capable of raising their children but the adoption industry convinced them otherwise.
As far as poverty being a reason to take someone's children, well you would have to kill me, my husband, his family, my family, and not to mention all of our friends to take mine. Yes I had to use medicaid and foodstamps to help my family. I got off them though. It was pretty dang hard to find a decent paying wage along with benefits even ten years ago.
As far as court systems are concerned, they just as soon as let an adoptee die than to open the adoption file. Its happened all over this country. Its the same shut and be grateful bull puckie that you were not aborted or dumped in a dumpster. Its the "well you are gonna die anyway, oh well tough luck " mentality.
As to whether or not, I had a good life. Yep I had good parents but even they want me to have access to something that records my life accurately. As an adult why do people ask that question of me? All that does is belittle me and both sides of my family.