I found him. The one... I hope. I have finally met someone who I can connect with and want to have a relationship with. He is everything a girl could want; attentive, funny, attractive, and loyal. More than anything I want to commit but one thing is holding me back. The single most unattractive habit to me is if a guy smokes. My boyfriend is a smoker. A cigerette smoker. Everyday he tells me that he is going to quit- not just for me but for himself. I truly want to believe that he means this and that this will happen but he's been saying this for a month. Being his honest self he will tell me how many cigerettes hes had if I ask. Lately I've avoided the question. The last time I did it was 6. If he wasn't trying to quit he would be smoking about 13 daily. I hate it. I hate the way he smells, the smell gets in his nose and stays there. I've started to really care about him and I wonder if its worth it to stay and drag out long fights about his smoking. I don't want to be a bitch about it but every stog he smokes is seven minutes off his life. I don't want him to get cancer, I don't know what I would do, I don't want him to die, I have personally been there through the last couple weeks with someone dying of lung cancer and I would never want that to be a possibility for him. It's a catch 22. I want him to stop so badly that I threaten him with losing me I tell him that if he doesn't stop that we won't have a relationship, hearing that makes him pissed off and he goes and smokes more then he normally would because hes pissed off at me. Should I stay and wait and continuelly fight and nag until eventually maybe he will quit all together or should I get out of the relationship now and risk him turning into a smoking chimmley because smoking will always be an issue?
smoking me away
By kaleialoha - Posted on February 12th, 2008
well if you really want to be in a relationship with him then it won't be conditional upon him smoking. It's great you want him to quit, I personally don't think it's right to make that a condition of your relationship. If you knew he smoked before you got in a relationship you can't expect to change him yourself. A change in a person happens when they come to the realization that what they are doing is either not beneficial or not working for them. You may tell him you are not going to be there if he doesn't quit, but you or any other girl may come and go, but cigarettes are always at the nearest gas station.
My boyfriend smokes and I don't really appreciate it. I just asked him not to do it around me unless he had to and to at least try to to cover it up so the smell is not so profound. Axe is actually pretty good at it when used in moderation.
Smoking is an adiction.
You can try to quit for years, but quiting actually takes about a week. The week is how long it takes nicotene to leave your body. If you can avoid cigarettes (patches just keep you hooked) for a week the physical withdrawl is over. The most important aspect of quitting is the smoker being certain they do not want to ever smoke again, because the emotional dependance or habit takes longer to disappear.
Methods:
Go hiking, or otherwise isolate (sailing, jail, whatever) for a week with no tobaco.
Seek professional help.
They say that you can use the patch, and quit smoking all together, then gradually reduce the patch, but I have never seen it work.
The smoker that wants to quit, but has not, needs to admit that they need help. It is a change that does not happen without decisive action.