Scared to Be Straight?

Gay Marriage. That one phrase can intice many a heated arguement; while the thoughts of "discrimination" and "racism"--if it can actually be defined that way--run rampant across the proverbial "gun slinging" word-war. Those fighting in the battle are either Radicals or Conservatives; taking a middle ground seems nearly impossible in this fight. Yet, amongst this "attack on people's free choice" or "freedom to love and be loved in return", this battle is dying down fast. Politically and in the public eye, it may seem like it's only heating up.

But this upcoming generation, MY generation, seems all but willing to let that issue become resolved. If votes were taken now, they'd pass it with a large majority vote. But that vote would be--How can I can this without seeming closed minded?--biased.

I am merely seventeen years old; I've seen far too much in my life and gone through more then my fair share of "crap". In my adolescent years of struggling and confusion, I've made many--personally--bad decisions. Fighting with my identity, my views, my morals, my look... and my sexuality.

I understand how common it is for people my age to wonder on those things, so I thought nothing of it. I'd experimented and none-too-quickly realized that it wasn't for me--not to say that I'm not attracted to women occasionally, but I'm emotionally 200 yards away; I can't stand the constant array of emotions and inability to keep a complete and coherant thought--but I accepted those who kept that lifestyle.

Yet, now that I look around and take it all in, I seem to be the odd one out.

Nearly every person I meet is a bisexual or just homosexual completely. I'm not saying that this is a bad thing, not by any stretch, but I almost feel a little defeated. My past "indiscretions" are never kept beneath the surface and I'm even critized for my want to just be straight. I normally ignore it, teenage banter: What effect does that person's thoughts have on me? But I've began to notice the sudden.... desire--if you will--to be "bi", if not gay.

It's almost like a "fashion statement": As long as you say it, you're cool. Many people--some have admitted it and some haven't--say that they feel "indifferent" and their friends say how "cool" it is. Peer pressure, understandable. But, aren't they doing EXACTLY what was being done to homosexual people all of this time? How is it that "equality" has been transfigured into a monster of the same nature that they were treated? That, during this current time, many teenagers are going through the motions of homosexuality just to feel accepted? Why, exactly, should I feel "wrong" just because I decided that being gay just wasn't for me?

It doesn't help that my religion is often brought into the mix. Alright, so I am a devout Christian; but I was devout while I was "temporarily gay". My religion didn't play into my desicion; I just don't like dating or having any physical relation with girls. Not only that, but my religion is often bashed right in front of my face without any mind to my feelings. But if I even disagree, without even an ARGUEMENT, with an agnostic or atheist on certain views; I'M the one in the wrong. Shouldn't my feelings and religion be accepted if I am forced to accept those of others? It makes any conversation with my friends a complete hassle unless one of us drops the subject matter or walks away.

High school is hard enough without straight being a minority, not to mention feeling "out of the loop" by not becoming, at least, bisexual.

This is where the "Gay Marriage" fear takes the ropes. It isn't a horrible thing, in and of itself; in fact, I don't really believe that anyone ACTUALLY thinks that gay marriage destroys the "institution of marriage" or that it's so darn bad. I used to believe that everyone just wanted the keep everything "the way it always has" and that the government shuns reform; but I can see an arguement here. Now I'm not saying that this is what the want of gay marriage has lead to; but I can see why people would assume it. Now, I don't believe that my "situation" has anything to do with that notion at all; but I understand, finally, WHY they don't approve.

Personally, I just think that it's a generational hype; and that it, hopefully, will all pass so that everyone can feel accepted by loving whomever they choose. Regardless; I think it's wretched that I feel like an outcast just because I perfer men, ultimately, over women.

I believe that; if I have to accept anyone for their lifestyles and view points, I should be given the same courtesy. Even if I'm like one of those "Conservatives"; I expect to be treated with the same respect REGARDLESS of what anyone with my same view points has done, because I'M NOT THEM and I make the effort to work past those misconceptions.

Ultimately, I think: "If I have to do it, then you should have to do it too."