When someone passes away it is as though time stops, and you are stuck in a place you are not accustomed to. You have to almost learn to relive your life all over again. This new and unfamiliar life you are living seems hopeless. You feel alone, lost, and as much as you want to tell yourself it is just a bad dream you know it is one you won't wake up from. You have to find the strength to move on with your life. Your life can't stop just because some else's has ended. Starting over is hard, but it can be done.
Even for me almost 2 years later it is a day to day struggle to stay positive. Your loved one would not want you to be sad about them passing away. Infact you should be happy and jealous. Why you ask? The reason is because they are not in pain anymore, and they don't have to experience the struggles we are going through here in reality.
Your days will have their highs and lows. Some days will be easier than other, but some days it will be hard as hell. Life is like this as well. Don't feel ashamed if you are having a rough day because it is normal. When you see something that person loved to do it brings back memories. For me my mom liked gardening and when I see gardening stuff it makes me think of her. I will sometimes think about all the things we could have done/experience together and all the things we will never do. But while you are sitting on the couch or where ever you are depressed, your loved one is at peace and happy.
You can cry all you want, but it won't bring them back. I blamed god for the longest time because I went to the chapel in the hospital everyday, and I prayed each night. When it is a person's time to go it is their time to go. Yes I still cry, and it is ok to cry you need to grieve, but you also can't put your life on hold because nothing is going to change in your life. Just because someone dies doesn't mean bills will stop coming, and as much as we wish time could stop so we can grieve, time goes on with or without us.
As much as it hurts death happens for a reason. We may not know the reason, but I believe there is a reason why. My mom wanted to see me graduate, and she did. Although I believe she died too young It has changed me. I have learned to do things all by myself without help from my mom. It has been hard, but I have made it.
More than likely you will see them again some day, and that is something to look forward to. If you don't believe in that cherish the memories you have with them. Even though they are gone you can still write them letters, and talk to them when ever you feel the need to. They are still with you in spirit, and they would want you to live your life, and make them proud.
The wounds may never heal, but they will become numb in time. No one can take away your memories that you had with them. I am not saying totally forget about them, because you probably will not. Just stay positive and hold your spirits high because the last thing they would want would be to know you can't move on with your life. Progress is moving on, but not pushing them aside. I always thought if I moved on it ment I would have to push them aside, but this is not true. Live life.They will always be with you, and that is the thought that should comfort you the most.
The wounds may never heal, but they will become numb in time.
I don't think the pain numbs; I think it does become less of a priority in your life and that's when you start to move on.
I'm still sad that my dad's not around anymore, but the grief is no longer the main thing in my life. I look at the dollar section at Target, filled with simple Father's Day presents and, rather than go into self-pity because I don't have someone to spend money on this June, I look and remember fondly how my dad would have loved some cheap golf balls and a grill lighter.
Good blog. I agree. You can't put your life on hold to grieve--not for any extended period of time, anyway. Dwelling on sadness for the sake of dwelling on sadness is... not good. Moving on is not selfish, it's not disrespectful, and it's not forgetting your loved one--it's something you need to do.
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I think people should just let grief be what it is and wade through it. There's no need to push to move on. It can take a long time to feel at ease again. But you guys are right, you can't wallow and mope too much either. You have to continue to live life without being apathetic or pushing too move on too soon.
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But it changes. You're right when you say the wounds may never heal. And they do stop hurting so much in time.
I wish I had read this last night. I was on the phone with my brother, who is grieving the loss of his marriage, and he was just sobbing. It's been six weeks since his wife left him, and he cycles through the stages of grief rapidly. I talked to him forever trying to find the thing to say that would make him feel better and make him stop crying. Nothing worked, after about an hour, I remembered that he probably just NEEDED to cry, and that I should just listen. It's just so hard to hear the people we love sobbing like that. We always want to fix it.
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Well of course the pain never goes away. But that person that was close to you that died would want you to live your life to the fullest. They know that one day they will see you up there.
The low times can be really rough sometimes, but always remember that they pass. Grieving is a process and everyone goes through it in their own way and at their own rate.
Lately, I haven't been feeling much of anything - everything is just a numb haze. Life goes on, I guess.
It took me three years to get over my friends Dana and Liam, i am still struggleing with Calvins passing away. It ios a hard thing, but i always use their passing away as a reminder aas to why i do not drink anymore. Calvins passing away made me a protester to violence
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I like the idea of moving on in all situations. If your dog died, you lost a favorite shirt, your house is flooded, whatever, sulking won't change anything. Grieving is good, but I guess Im just the type that likes to get it over with and move on.
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It is very hard to watch someone slowly die. It haunts you. I am the same way you described but once you actually watch someone take their last breath it isn't as easy to move on. Not saying you haven't but by far the hardest thing was holding my mom's cold hand and telling her it was ok to go, telling her I love you and goodbye.
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No, I agree that is a slower process, but moving on in any situation is still good. I am sure that you probably haven't completely recovered, but you have moved on and made progress. You're functioning. That's more than a lot of people would do in this situation.
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