Since the earthquake, I've been thinking a lot about the students that have died. There are 10,000 students at my school alone. If there were an earthquake in Zhengzhou, my city, I'm sure there would be similar results. I'm just thankful my students are safe since some of them panicked and wanted to run out of the school.
One of my students did die a while back though--Wayne. He was driving alone and got into a car accident. He was definitely my most challenging student, at least in Class 39. Some days he refused to pay attention and his English skills were lacking, so he couldn't understand me.
However, he really impressed me a couple weeks before he died because I got him to stumble through a story about how he hit a girl in the face that week. He was a little bit of a troublemaker...but our lesson was about how you can tell someone that you're sorry. He provided a good example of a good time to say sorry or apologize to someone. I said, "So, what could you say to her now, Wayne?" Some of the other students piped up with, "I'm sorry." We were all pretty light-hearted about it and I think the girl who got hit was fine. I thought I would tackle a "Violence is not the Answer" lesson another day.
After he died, I was heartbroken in the same way I am heartbroken by the Sichuan students that have died. Death is not that big of a deal to me. Whether we are on this Earth or not for 75 years is not as much of a concern to me as where our souls go. So, it's a spiritual dilemma of mine. I believe in an afterlife, a specific one in fact--Heaven. Do I think Wayne went to Heaven? No, I don't. I've never thought that about someone before. There's always been at least a little gray area to not make a big deal out of it. Things are so gray in China. There are people that believe and people that don't for the most part. I am in no way saying that all Chinese people are going to Hell. That's not true. I can't in good conscience say that Wayne is in Heaven though and that tears me apart. Not because I didn't do more to save him or something, but more because he's the first I've known personally that most likely is not with God.
This is why I have a hard time with death in China or when I hear that other likely non-believers die. I don't care about specifics or want to ruffle anyone's feathers about religion and the afterlife. I'm just saying that sometimes, when I hear that some people have died, my heart is overwhelmed with brokenness and I can't help but pray for their souls.
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