Why I do not Believe in Waiting Until Marriage

Until I was 17, I was extremely adamant in saying that I would not have sex until I was married. I don't really know what changed, but something did. I think I just grew out of my innocence a little bit and now I'm saying unequivocally, I am not going to wait until marriage. This is probably a pretty unpopular opinion. There are plenty of people that say sex before marriage is a reality in today's society, but are there really that many proponents of it?

There was a boy. He was a very nice boy. He liked this girl. He found out she was not as virginal as she seemed. He no longer liked this girl. I no longer liked him.

My biggest problem with waiting until marriage is the fact that women are valued more as virgins. I think this is a completely outdated idea. I think that women should take charge of their sexuality and,, while not being too free with their affections, be able to choose in what ways they want to experience a relationship or express intimacy. However, I'm not just an advocate for sex before marriage because of this, but also because let's face it: sex is fun, or so I've heard. It's actually rather funny that I'm writing this because as of this very moment--2008 March 04--I am a virgin. I have not had sex. I am not on birth control and do not own any condoms. This is because I personally don't think I am ready and do not want to have sex as of yet. But I do plan on having sex before my marriage.

People used to wait until they were married, but that was many years ago. People also used to get married at the age or 14. That was also many years ago. See a connection? People didn't have to wait for marriage because marriage was already rushing towards them!

Now, I'm not saying virginity isn't valuable. I think it is valuable. I also think a first kiss is valuable. I think a first date and flowers and a teddy bear are valuable. There's simply too much emphasis placed on virginity and in reality all it is is another first time. And the worst thing is, it's probably not even going to be an enjoyable first time. I mean, with your first kiss, it may be awkward and nerve-wracking, but it's also probably sweet and innocent and gentle. With sex, it's pretty much guaranteed that it's just going to suck the first time. This probably isn't true for everyone. Even if it isn't true though, can't sex just be another experience in life. You're going to have a million firsts. There's going to be the first time you cried from getting your heart broken and the first time you laughed because you were just so happy to have someone you loved. Honestly, I think those firsts matter just a little bit more than an uncomfortable first time. The loss of virginity shouldn't accompany impending doom or feelings of guilt. It should be another experience embraced.

Another problem with putting such emphasis on virginity is that after losing their virginity, there are many girls that view it as gone forever. Thus, they treat all sexual encounters afterward much more casually. Maybe if you didn't think of sex in terms of virginity, but in terms of each unique individual experience, you'd care more about what you're doing the second, third, fourth, and millionth time. Girls value yourself and not your virginity. Boys, value the girls and the experience, not the reputation.

Teenagers and college students of the world: PLEASE stop stressing over your sexuality and your purity. Do what feels right for you and don't devalue yourself based on your sexual experience.

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