April 8, 1997 9:02 pm
Things are starting to get better. A couple weeks ago, (no it was after my last entry on the 30th) for some unknown reason I got an intense feeling of depression and could not figure out why. It is a feeling I do not want to experience again. Most of the time I can control my moods but this one I could not. Then to top it off last weekend I saw Val at a local science fiction convention. I handled it better then I thought I would.
She found someone else to latch on to, and now I really know it is over between us. So now the next step us to move on. Tomorrow I am going to take Val off my bank account, and begin again.
I am going to start my business working again because I wanted to start selling pewter figures at the conventions. I have not seen any one else do it, and finally I am getting really serious about my writing.
Until Then
T
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Nothing hurts more is when you see your lost love for the fist time after a break up. It is like getting hit with a wave of emotions that no flash flood can compare. You try to be nice and make small talk, all the while you are trying not to explode in emotion. If the relations ship ended badly then you would not have this problem. Oh if life could be that simple. It will never be. We can not predict how we will react to any given situation. Each one is unique in it own. Hopefully your past experiences will prepare you to cope with thing in the future, but there is always the one that slips past your defenses. Before my little F.U.B.A.R that caused this breakdown I never dealt with anything on that scale. Call it a 5.5 on the emotional Richter scale. (Above 7 I would need therapy and 10, I would be dead. I have ready said I am to stubborn for that)
I never did start the business and I did finally get serious about writing. I just need the ten years to past and Blogs to get invented. I will continue writing after this project is done and not wait until the Twenty Year Retrospect. There is too much to write about.
You have a different method of writing blogs..but it is one of a kind and I like it. You should try to start that business. Even if you fail at least you tried.
Sorry I haven't been on in a few days. I'm overly stressed and my psycriatrist won't prescribe the right medication that I know works...she says it's the addicting kind..but I have control over myself and I have been taking it for 2 years from my doctor. I just share it with my dad which my doctor allows. I am so frustrated lately. So much school work due right now. My boyfriend is "finding himself" and I am at a point of heart attack. Cleaning house by myself, school work,work, etc etc. But I am rambling...and complaining I'm sorry.. this is your blog.
I wish I could give you more positive insight I just can't even think straight.
Feel free to ramble and complain. Sometimes all that is need is an open ear. I can relate to cleaning the house, ( I live with my brother who is gone during the week so I have now one to pass the cleaning buck to) and school have not even started for me yet. So I will relate and I welcome any time you want to complain or rant.
I was on the verge of having a panic attack when I commented. By meds I don't mean I am crazy or an addict. I probably already said this but I have generalized anxiety disorder. It is where you worry but you can't shut it off like normal people can. I wrote a blog about it actually.
Thanks for listening and I also welcome any ranting, rambling, or anything.