I pushed you off into the dark

Tonight was/is so strange.
I finished an pictoral enlargement in graphite, then took off on my bike as the sun was setting. It shone through my sunglasses as i passed the few cars and empty streets with my scarf covering the rest of my face.
I stopped off at the radio station before really getting off campus. There was supposed to be a training meeting but no one was really there. I left.
When i got back it was darkening rapidly. The sun was retreating, leaving a black hole behind everywhere. I went to the commons dining area and no one was there; the place was closing and they were packing up food. I collected what I could and sat down, returning the gaze of my approximate reflection.
It was cold out, and I tried to plan a way back to the dorm, or maybe the store to get something to fill me. Coherent thoughts evaded me while a pervasive sense of empty blackness remained, so I turned from an empty plate and fled. The bike made the chilly air a cold rush that slid over the edges of my gloves and hood, but couldn't quite scare me to shelter.
This time on i felt disconnected and as though time was running out. All this blackness and lack of presence made it feel like the apocalypse. I breathed as even as I could through the scarf and began to pass through the science building. There was something inevitable going on..I looked up and my hubby was leaning over the railing! I ran up to greet him; he was working and literally just stepped out. I hugged him, like I can go hug him now. Why am I up at three am?
he made me feel better, moral of the story. We walked back to the dorm, him on the bike for once, and me walking happily watching him and the dark. He smiles and wiggles his head in offhand jokes, and put it into perspective.
but the restless night tugged at me still. as we parted, he said to have fun on the bike ride. My grandma once said that she would think about me when i wasnt there, and it hit me like a fist in my chest, that she cared. I realized yesterday I grew up in a house of relative neglect.
I didnt feel so lonely when i pushed off into the dark the second time tonight. The moon was my only companion, for the roads were utterly still. Red light, green lights reflecting on pavement. I kid you not, I must've seen a maximum of ten driving cars for an hour bike ride.
now im back, now im gone. goodnite.

p.s. It's true. perhaps it was inevitable. between 2:15 and 2:30 march 17 is the first time.