I used to think my parents fighting all the time meant they had no love for each other, but perhaps the fact that they stayed together despite the bickering is the actual testament to their love.
What is love, anyway? Can it exist in my life at all? Is it real? What does it do? Is there a difference between the love I have for homeless people when I spot them a $5 or a $10 and the love I have for my mother? What about a girlfriend? Or a wife? Are any of these sorts of questions even answerable?
I can only place one adjective on love at this point in my life and know it to be 100% true: Love is scary.
I am afraid of falling in love, and am possibly even more terrified of the thought of someone falling in love with me. I am not enough of a sturdy person to think that I'll even want to be with her in a month, let alone a year. Or more. So eventually, there will be heartbreaking.
Which is why I have stopped letting myself get attached at all. To prevent the pain from arising yet again due to the end of another relationship. It's easier just to think of them as "another girl," because that way, when they fall through and it all goes to hell, you don't even have to give a shit.
But what kind of life is that? Part of what makes us human is pain. Misery. Suffering. It makes us stronger. Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors. Should I then get attached to everyone? No. That would be foolish (and time-consuming). But not allowing myself any room for a person in my heart means I'll never experience what I could be experiencing if I were more open and less... cold.
So how do you decide if you should fall in love or not? Ah, but now I'm placing logic and rules on love. It should be free and romantic, perhaps even foolish in nature, but not calculated and decision-oriented.
Or maybe it should. I was hoping I'd have an answer for myself by the time I got done writing this, but all I have are questions I don't even know whether or not I want the answer to.
It is okay to be afraid of love. When I broke up with my ex of four years , I didn't want to get with anyone else. When I say he took me through hell and high water, he did. So when I got with the person who is now my fiance, in the begining I thought we would just end up having a nice date and be friends and call it quits. But he showed me how to have fun and what it feels like when your other half appreciates you too. I hope you find happiness, but don't worry yourself to the point you miss out on a great opportunity for love.
It is hard to open yourself up to that kind of pain and disappointment. I was scared to death doing it when my ex and I got together in the first place. And now, almost four years since we started 'dating', and almost 4 months since we broke up, I don't regret it. I was in a bad place for a while, just moving through my life roboticly and hoping that something would change it. I did everything to avoid thinking about him. And now, I can think of that time we had with fondness, though I'm not sure I want to put myself out there for another person. I don't think I'm at the right place in my life to rely on another person; I'm still exploring myself too much.
But, the easy answer is that you don't decide. That's the beauty of love. It can creep up on you without you realizing it, and can make your world that much brighter because of it. Love isn't something to be afraid of, it's perfect. If you shut it out, you'll be living a half-life. The saying that it's better to love and lost than to never have loved at all is really true; take it from someone who had their heart broken severely.
~C
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LOVE, is hilarious. It can not be explained, yet has an odd but beautiful cliche to it. Your questions are not really all that different from everyones questions and the only answer to them is you. It seems (to me) that many people don't take the time to know what they want (to a point, we are still talking about love) from another person. Love does have boundaries, because if your not careful you could end up miserable (unless your into that kind of thing). You need to know yourself.. and you need to take your time. When you meet the right one... There will be no explaining it, and you probably won't even know it. Hell The right one could be two or three according to personality. It is all on how you take it.
I will never be able to explain, I can't say i have honestly and truely and purely for that matter, ever been in love. I have fond memories, and little regret, and im looking forward to the next girl to walk into my life, but other than that we are on our own
I don't know if that made sense but that is a little of my take on love. Good luck
Saint O Nothin' Says
Always go FORWARD, going straight will get you no where!
-Greenday
I've had the same thoughts. You're the first person I've ever heard (other than myself) who asks out loud if we should apply logic to love. Any person who says we shouldn't is completely insane. Two main reasons why: so you don't go crazy asking yourself questions that have no answer (apply logic and give them a practical answer) and to invest your time into people that will matter. You want to be with people that you'll stay with for a sincere amount of time, that you'll learn something from, that you'll grow with (and from), that you'll have fun with and discover new things with.
And finally, practical applications of love can use a healthy dose of logic, but the thing itself defies all logic. So enjoy it when you have it.
Love can make you miserable and helpless but it can also make you energized, happier than you have ever felt and amazed. It's no wonder that a study found, two people in love have the same chemical composition of their brain as a bipolar person. It's a river and the course between bad and good is like a choice between flowing East or West. What's interesting is that you are asking yourself whether you should fall in love. In reality when you will be falling in love, it won't be asking you..."am I allowed to do this?". Love will cross all boundaries, all borders and assumptions that you built up and take its own course. I assure you, it won't even ask your name. It will just happen, against all odds and completely unexplained. My point is don't be afraid and whatever the outcome, it will run it's course.
After reading everyone's comments (which are more than welcome), I have another question:
Can you resist love? Can you make it not happen at all?
In my own experience, I don't think so. In my past relationship (which lasted about 3 1/2 years), I didn't want to fall in love with him... I thought he was completely wrong for me, and just didn't want a relationship with him. But, judging by the length of our relationship, I'm sure you can tell how that worked out...
~C
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Your Funny, "Can you resist lov"
in plain and simple text,
no, why even try
Love can be enjoyable you know.
:-)
Saint O Nothin' Says:
We were certainly uncertain
At least I'm pretty sure I am
We didn't need the water
BUT we still built that good God DAM!
- Modest Mouse