All day I have been hearing depressing songs that made me think of Val. I realize getting over her is going to be a lot harder then I thought. I guess I loved her that much. I think that is what hurts the most. Val was not like others I dated, she was the one for me. Was I wrong?
What I would like to know is what she thought? Does she still think of me or was I just another boyfriend. Actually I was her second boyfriend.
Bill’s here, back later
T
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Obviously, she was not the one for me. I am still waiting on that one. I am also am waiting on the next thought to pop into my head. Don’t you hate it when you know what to say but can’t think of the way to write it?
There are times when my mind wanders and wonders. I like to think Val is still with me. All is well, with me married and having 2.5 kids and a cat and dog, the perfect nuclear family. It could happen. Somewhere in the infinite multiverse or just 52, I like to think that I am still with her. Then I also think that I could also be worse them I am now.
If things had not ended with Val I would not have found Bren. She made me realize that I still had faith in the emotion of love. Even when that relationship did not last, I know that if it can happen twice then it can happen another time. I just need the right women to find me.
I was recently asked why I am reliving my past in this manner. I need to think back and find out what went wrong with my life so I can not walk down that path again. Or if I do happen to find myself on that road then I will be better prepared to face what life throws me.
When life gives you wisdom and you take it, don’t be selfish. Pass that wisdom along.
Some one out in the expanse of cyberspace may read my words and think, “If he can deal with all that he has and still have a shred of sanity left then maybe I don’t have it all that bad.”
If something is ment to happen it will. If you lose someone or something you are suppose to. Fate is strange. My parents lived in different states. My mom's father was ill in Florida and she had to go and stay with him. My dad had moved there. They met in a bar. My mom almost gave him a wrong number. They ended up married and having me. She died. I don't see the destiny in that, but the sad thing I believe is it was her destiny to see me graduate high school and watch me grow up a little bit. Also to find a good guy in her life. The reason is she passed away 2 months after I graduated. She almost didn't go to my graduation that day. I am sorry I talk about my mom alot but for some reason it still bothers me. I still can't quite grasp the fact that she is gone and won't be coming back.
I wonder how long my sanity can last. I am hanging by a thread. If I lost something or someone else I really don't think I could handle it. Thanks for your blog.