A good standard family structure is consisted of having a father and a mother as people who take care of the young children. Gossips and wandering eyes usually follow those kids with single or same-sex parents. People then assume that these "unfortunate" younglings will grow up to be troubled adults. But is having a father and a mother really better?
From time to time again, I see that having a father and a mother is nothing more than to show how gender roles are important in our society. People expect a boy to have a father figure and a girl to have a mother figure. If a boy, for example, only has a mother, there is this presumption that he would lack masculinity or certain knowledge of manhood because there is no male figure to guide him at home setting. In reality, single parents can do many things for their children. It might be more stressful, however, that does not mean single parenting is totally less effective than dual parenting. We are underestimating a lot of great single parents.
Here is an interesting article about single moms vs. married moms:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20462865/
I was brought up in a warm family. Therefore, the idea of having anything other than two parents (a father and a mother) is foreign to me. My parents were together originally due to an arranged marriage by my grandparents. The funny thing is that my parents are together longer than many couples who got married because they "loved" each other. Sometimes I think to myself what it would be like if they were not around. Why is it necessary in the first place to have two parents anyway? Is this only because it takes two people to create me?
What about kids with gay parents? Well, many children who grew up with gay parents are heterosexuals. I wonder where people get the idea that gay parents will bring up gay children. It's always gay children being brought up by straight parents (who happen to be homophobic most of the times). I find the situation to be quite amusing. Having two fathers or two mothers is similar to having a father and a mother. It is a dual parenting system, and researchers have found no difference whatsoever between children who were nurtured by heterosexual and homosexual parents.
Here's a short article regarding children being brought up by same-sex parents:
http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/news/20051012/study-same-sex-parents-...
It really is okay if you don't have two parents. We will all go through some sort of obstacles in life. With or without parents, we have to stand on our two feet eventually. I'm sick of people thinking that kids without regular parents in their lives would grow up to be horrible adults.
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I was 5-6 before I had a father-figure. And I hate the man with a passion...
Nicholas Aden
Self-Promotion
So, for your case, I guess having a father figure isn't really all that good. Would you rather not have that male figure at all? Or it doesn't matter?
You just remind me the concept of step-parents. I wonder who feels more awkward, the children or the "new" parents. Many single mothers or fathers will probably remarried or something. Sometimes it seems like they just remarried in order for their children to have the particular (female or male) figure in their lives. This is quite difficult. Should the parent considered the child's feelings before remarrying as well? I've heard so many terrible stories about step-parents when I was little. I used to think step-parents are bad. Perhaps the media, books, and fairy tales have little bit to do with how people come up with stereotypes for different kinds of parenting...
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My step-dad and I got along just fine until I was 7. I got really sick one time and was told to eat some nasty (grape flavored, I like grapes, not not grape flavor) chewable pills. Well, I figured it would be better to throw the pills behind the couch so I wouldn't have to eat them, I mean, I'd get better eventually, I always did.
Well, one day during that period of time where I was sick (it was only like a week total, maybe?) my step-dad caught me spitting one into the toilet. He decided, and you tell me why, that I was trying to stay sick to get my mom's attention. He decided that I was a liar and could never again be trusted. He decided that I was manipulative. Nope. The medicine just tasted like shit and I didn't know it was the medicine that made you better.
So, in response to your question, I like that he brings home money, and he can be pretty cool sometimes, but all in all, I like it best when he's at work.
Nicholas Aden
Self-Promotion
Out of curiosity...you don't have to answer if you don't want to...
I'd like to know if you'd prefer having a single parent rather than two parents (with the biological father or the step-father). Perhaps money is a huge factor in finding a new partner too besides from loneliness. Most single parents would probably want to fall in love again but I feel that sometimes they get remarried for the children's sake rather than what's in their heart, which is potentially problematic to me.
If one of my parents was to remarried someone new, and if that someone can make my parent happy, I'd definitely be okay with it. Well, I'll be fine with it as long as the other person doesn't cross the line.
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Sometimes young adults and children have no choice to only have one parent because of divorces.
Read my blog!
Yes, they have no choice. But I find it rather interesting that many people around me would prefer having their single parents than having two parents the way things were or are supposed to be. I believe many children would find divorces more helpful than harm since there might be other factors involved such as sexual harassment or physical abuse in general.
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I never had a father figure until I was about 6 (same as Nicholas Aden).
I get along with my step-father and he is a good person but I don't treat him as if he is my real father. I don't feel that strong bond to him, but I do love him. I don't feel a strong bond to my biological father either.
My mother has done an extremely good job of raising two kids basically on her own while becoming and successful business women. It is possible to raise well adjusted kids as a single parent. Staying together for the kids is not always the best idea. If two people don't love each other I dont believe that the homelife will be very pleasant. I think that teaching your children good morals etc is how you will raise well adjusted children. This can be possible if you are a single parent, homosexual, or still happily married to your spouse.
The role of a step parent is very different, I feel, unless that person has been in a child's life since they were very young. A step parent usually has less authority. It's kind of like these aren't your children so you can't always punish/treat them the same way you would your own children. People have different parenting styles and often times the biological parent doesn't agree with how the step parent wants to raise their children which becomes a huge conflict. At least that's how it is in my household. My mother has always been the one to bring home the money, make the rules, etc.
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"Is it true, said Candide, that people in Paris are always laughing?"
-Voltaire
I've always thought of what it would be like if I become someone's step-mother. I'd be very awkward and lack confidence in communicating with the child. Is he/she going to reject me? Will he/she treat me like a mother? Having less authority can suck sometimes. It would be even weirder if I have a new child. Then I have to try my best not to be bias...oh and we'll have to deal with my step-child feeling left out....never mind. I'm thinking too far ahead of time. lol
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I had both a mother and father though how much of a parental figure role they played in most instances remains to be seen. They divorced when I was 3 and I didn't see my dad again until I was around 9 and they decided it would be a good idea to get back together (insane choice, really). They were together until I was 13 and then they called it quits for good and I moved with mom to Arkansas from California and took over the mothering role not long later. She was always around, just not responsible enough in many vital senses to have children. I moved out with my younger sister not too many years later. I'm certainly unconventional and have to question my own normalcy some days, but as for being screwed up? I'm less so than many people that had two parents.
I think people like to believe that people without two average American middle class parents will be screwed up because they somehow feel that to accept otherwise somehow lessens their own standing and upbringing in some fundamental and undefinable way. If my not having two parents makes someone else feel threatened... I have nothing but sympathy for them. It makes less sense than pickles and ice cream combined and that will never make sense to me.
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"In the Land of Memory, the time is always Now.
In the Kingdom of Ago, the clocks tick... but their hands never move.
There is an Unfound Door
(O Lost)
and memory is the key which opens it." -King
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I had a mother and a father. Not all children will grow up horriable if they don't have both parents but from a psychology stand point both are better. My friend had a mother but never a father in his life just an evil step father and he used to be a bad kid. He has changed alot but I think that there is still this emptiness. Many girls need a dad. I noticed alot of them not all go crazy and sleep with men at young ages because they lack a father figure. It is really 50/50 some will grow up fine while others will be horriable. But it can be the same having 2 parents that a rude and mean to you or even good to you you can still grow up to be horriable.
I still refuse to offer psychology the respect of the title "science."
Nicholas Aden
Self-Promotion
My Creative Writing
Males find their self worth many times in the way their fathers treat them. Most guys are always trying to be accepted and be proud of by their fathers. So, boys who grow up without a father usually feel like that is missing. And studies have shown that girls with involved, supportive fathers are less likely to choose "bad boys" when they start dating/getting married. Girls need male attention, also, and fathers can provide that. Mothers offer love and affection that not all fathers can. I've heard it said that women can be anything but dads. And men can be anything but moms. there are just psychological things involved with all of it