I made a comment clarifying my post about "Liars," and I thought that all of you would like to know the reason for this post as well.
My boyfriend – almost fiancé – of four years lied to me today about a flight he was supposed to catch home. He had a connecting flight and when I did not receive a call from him (within a reasonable amount of time from when his plane was suppose to land) I called him. He told me that the flight was cancelled. But at that very moment I was looking at his flight information on line, it said the flight arrived on time. When I questioned this, he told me that he’s not sure why it says that because the flight was cancelled due to bad weather. He defended his lie up unto the point that I told him if I called the airline and they told me a different story, we were going to have big problems.
He finally told the truth. He did not want to get on the plane because it was a Turbo Prop plane and the weather was very bad there today. He added that he had a dream last night that the plane went down. I added that I had a dream last night that he was giving me all of the reasons why he didn’t make his flight (believe it or not he and I have this connection).
First he lied, and then he dug the hole deeper by defending the lie, when he was already busted. He added an insult to the injury. If he would have just told me this information from the beginning, I would have no problem. But now I question if he has told me lies about bigger things.
What do you think?
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I think the proper question would be: Why does *YOUR* man lie. Or maybe why do *PEOPLE* lie. Men? Why Men specifically?
I say men specifically because I am a woman, and not that I have never told a lie, but men lie about things they don’t need to just to prevent a potential issue.
That's true. Your man is a man and you're a woman. But maybe your man is tall and you're short, or maybe he likes pizza and you like spaghetti. So why didn't you ask why all tall people are liars or why pizza-lovers are liars? Odd.
Because the issue is not about demographics and finer details. He will always be a man. I will always be a woman. And men will always lie about things that they don’t need to.
My aunt lied once. Therefore, all women are liars.
Ah, I see that your post was indeed inspired by a highly traumatizing event. No wonder you got so defensive. Fear not: you'll get over it.
I also lied once, all of Scots-Irish decent are liars.
I'm Scots-Irish too! Dang, never knew I was a liar.
-mersayochan
Awh, Sheep, a softer side? Thanks for the encouraging comment. I’m sure I will get past it. I’m not saying that one lie turns a person into a liar. But my bf stretches the truth, withholds information, and gives false information to other people in front of me, so I have questioned this before. But he reassured me that most of these people are business associates and sometimes he has to be this way with them and that he never lied to me.
So I never questioned, until today, whether or not he was flat out lying to me about anything. He’s very careful with his words so that when you say “but I thought you said…” he can say, “no, what I said was…” I know sometimes he withholds information because some things he thinks are stressful and I shouldn’t have to be concerned about them. But I never questioned when I asked him a straight question, if he was lying to me.
Why would he lie about that? I don't like lying, especially in relationships, as trust is the foundation. He could have thought that his reasoning was stupid, don't know. Should have just told the truth though.
By the way, EVERYONE is a liar. HA!
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The below statement is false.
The above statement is true.
I understand, on one hand, that I can be a bit difficult at times and sometimes he would just rather that I not question him. But he knows that I was expecting him home and that I would be monitoring his flights. I honestly don’t know why he lied.
Monitoring his flights? Wow, that's really protective. It sounds like if he lies so much that you monitor his flights to make sure he's not lying you should maybe consider your relationship and rather or not it's worth your time.
I love abortion. Read more here:
http://progressiveu.org/044921-i-love-abortion-even-if-it-murder
I understand how you feel. If there is one habit that I hate it is lying. When you know you have been lied to it makes you question when that person tells other lies. It is more crucial in relationships because trust can make or break couples. Whether they are small or big, they are still lies and decrease the trust factor everytime they occur. Maybe your boyfriend did not want to appear fearful of the plane so he told you that. But I agree that was something he just could have told the truth about, especially after you kept asking.
Thank you Trobi for you compassionate words. It helps to get others feedback on the situation. You have helped to shed a little light. Thank you.
Even if his concern was about appearing fearful, he and I have been through so much in the last 4 years that it just doesn’t make any sense to me why he would feel that way.
I've always thought that if a person lies in one aspect of their life, then they are going to lie in all aspects of the life. That is, if he lies in business, then he will also lie in his relationship with you. I've found this to be true with past girlfriends.
I once listened to my ex lie to her mom's face about something she didn't need to lie about and I later questioned her about it. She said that she just didn't want to talk to her mom about whatever she lied about anymore. And of course, the end of the story is that later I found that she lied to me about things...
My point is, the act of lying gets ingrained in people's psyches and they find themselves lying about unimportant things. I do believe that a person can change though, so I'm not saying once a liar, always a liar. I'm saying that if you know someone who lies to other people, they are probably lying to you too.
telling the truth is like using your blinkers. In the beginning it takes constant reminder to use your blinkers. Then comes a time when you use your blinkers methodically. After that you start to use your blinkers less and less until it finally comes down to only using your blinkers when someone reminders you or you see a cop nearby. Everyone lies, some just do it more. Here's part of a quote for you:
"But even in the most disciplined, self-controled man there lurks secret evils that no one sees."
I am a man and I can tell you one thing: all men carry secrets that they'll never tell you so give up trying.
Other than that I have no other advice than just to talk to him about it, doesn't sound serious, men lie like that.
-mersayochan
Men, women, anyone? If they can't be honest with you, there's a problem with the relationship.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman