current mood: tired.
So after something extremely painful happens to you. you can't forget it right? well see, back in 9th grade i had one boy, and three of his friends hurt me in a way i'll never be able to forget. the day it all happened i can remember like yesterday. i wish i couldn't. but it was such a painful day i'll never forget it.
i've moved on since then, i'm not graduated.. and have been dating a steady boyfriend since a few months after we'll call it the "crime" happened. so i feel like for the most part, i'm over it. until i see him. it's not as bad anymore. but my 10th grade year at football games and stuff, he'd come to my school side (we ended up going to different high schools thank god) and i swear it was just to torment me. probably not, but it felt like it. i'd see him and get this feeling in my tummy that i was going to pass out. but then part of me wanted to say hello. sure, i miss him. kinda. like i said. i've graduated and as time has moved on, so have i. i soon enough got the point where, when i'd see him. i wouldn't really feel anything at all. unless he'd talk to me.
at the fair today, i was enjoying my time soo much. was with my best friends. my boyfriend. eveyone that i love and care about. :] then i see his friends. the "crew" who was apart of it all. i try and not make eye contact. sad thing is 2 of them have tried to befriend me after it. as if i would forget that they had anything to do with it at all. i just look away, praying that they dont see me. next thing i know all 4 of them are behind me. i can hear them saying my name, i turn around with full confidence that i am ok. i mean, i am in a very crowded public place. what harm can they do to me? plus, i've got my big strong boyfriend with me :] so i look at them, and nothing. they're so immature that they act like they didn't say my name.
but, i made eye contact with the "one" and he blew me a kiss. i got that sick feeling again. i just keep praying that one day i won't ever have to see them. partly why i want to move out of this town. and out of the state. sad enough though when i'd return home. i know i'll never be able let go of that feeling.
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Wow...
Such jerks.
I'm glad you've moved on.
God, what an ass. >.>
I don't quite know what to say. But I want to say something. You're brave for writing this and I'm guess your boyfriend knows about it. Honestly, I can't say anything since such thing never happened to me before. I'm sure one day you'll be able to look them straight in the eyes and stand tall. Just imagine you're the CEO of some big company and they became like...janitors for the building you're working in. Haha that is the sweetest revenge. So, you'll have a new life soon. Hold your head up high.
I think it might be easier for us to understand what you're going through if you're more specific about what they did. Did they rape you? Beat you? It's hard to talk about things like that, but once you're ready to start the healing process, talking helps a lot.
it would be alot easier. only i dont feel i'm ready to share that with the whole world yet.
and yes, they raped me.
<33 Miss Shorty <33
I'm sorry to hear that. I myself have been molested twice, and I have several friends who have been raped. It affects everyone differently, and the healing process can take years. My own little quirk is the ever-present fear that it will happen again. I was molested at 3 and again at 13, so I'm terrified of my 23rd birthday, though I'm 18 now, so I've got a few years. However, what you've described is not an unusual reaction. You need to assert your own power over the situation, and not let them know if it hurt you. Rape is about power, so don't let them have it. I'm not saying to act like nothing happened, but don't let them see how much you're hurting - it's what they want.
I'm sorry, but I'm glad to hear that you are slowly growing stronger and more confident.
thank you. i'm taking it one day at time. i'm alot better than i was 3 years ago. :]
<33 Miss Shorty <33
All that i have to say is God bless you. You were able to move on and not let something so wrong bring you down. you moved on and are bettering yourself by wanting to move on and wanting to live your life as normal as possible. It takes a lot of time to be able to move on and forget basically what has made you so sad for so long. I have similar experiences and til this day its very hard to not think about it especially since you are reminded of it by the littlest things.
how, the smallest and strangest of things will set your mind off. and start recalling everything again. it's hard, thankfully i have an amazing boyfriend who is keeping me strong. and thankfully i didn't have to go into high school with any of the boys. i had 3 years to move on. and change my life. which i have. friends from junior high,who went to different high schools have hung out with me in the past few years. (since everything) and they all say, i've changed so much. i just think i've grown up. and had to.
<33 Miss Shorty <33
That is sad to hear but I am really proud of you for moving forward with your life. I really think it shows some great character about you. Keep motivated and reach for the stars.
gah guys can be such jerks!!! he blew you a kiss.. thas really fucked up!! lik seriously someone needs to beat their fuckin asses.. gah . . .im pissed now and i dnt even know you..
i cant even amagine how i would feel in your situation. i think its good that you tlk about it, because it helps you to move on. i am realy happy that you found a guy who really cares about you and helps you throughall of this.
i kno there is nothing i acn possibly say to make you feel better abou it....
I think that one girl was right if you see those guys agai u need to show that tehy dont have power over you, if tehytry to makefun of you again, call them out, bitch them out. Be sure to embaress them becuse they are assholes that dont even think what they did was wrong....
and dont worry they will pay or what they;ve done karma is a bitch, and they will deserve it too