through glasses of rose, the slips and the clothes. (2)

...There we were, two pink dots sitting in a sea of blue chairs, both nervous, both a nervous wreck, both wanting to know the answer to this very important question.

*As i said in my previous blog, i should give more context for the situation to be better understood.

I am a high school junior, and my friend Josh is a Senior. We met this year and have been friends for a while now. I was totally surprised when he asked me to the prom because i'm not the kind of girl who gets asked these types of questions. The questions people normally ask are more like: "amy, do you have a sharpener i can borrow?/ what's your GPA, 4.5?/ what's the answer?..." I've always been a weird kid, ever since elementary i've been a different type of child, someone who doesn't follow the crowd, someone who is intrigued by nature, art and knowledge. I have found that for most of my life i have gotten along better with adults rather than people my own age. I was the person who was too shy to give an answer even though it was screaming inside me to be let out, the one who sat in the back and was just a nameless person, "that girl who's really smart, but i don't know her name."

It's sad to say that i've seen guys joke around the way they do and ask each other "hey, do you like her?" then the other one will look at me in disgust. I am not the most attractive person in my own opinion, but i don't think i'm that bad that someone would be disgusted at me.

Now that i am in high school i think i have changed drastically because i've built a wall of protection from those types of comments or actions. If someone insults my looks i'll just smile and forget about it, i'll thank them (and make them look like jerks) or i'll take a stand and let them know the truth about themselves, had i been the younger amy and i might have burst into tears.

I have no knowledge of anyone having a sort of crush on me until my sophmore year when my friend Danny confessed... and i also suspected that my other friend Brady liked me, something that was later confirmed by my ex-boyfriend (first and most likely last) Chris. At times i felt ashamed because i've met fifth graders who had had many more boyfriends than me, it made me feel like an ugly duckling, and to be honest, sometimes i still feel like i'm too dorky or too nerdy, too weird or ugly to possibly liked by anyone.

Of course after living this way, Josh's question nearly made me faint of surprise. There's a vibe between us of true friendship and understanding, and i know it's weird but when he's around i feel safe, but i don't know if i'm crushing on him, all i know is that i feel happy when he's around. Maybe i'm just exaggerating, after all, it is only one dance... he didn't ask me to be his girlfriend, but what i'm saying is that maybe i've been underestimating myself and i have more potential than i thought.

For now i'm a ball of nerves, excitement and worry, but i told my mom and have decided to accept his invitation (OMG!!! now i need to learn how to dance [lol!], get a dress and let him know that i accept!), but we'll see how things go.

ttfn!