You are fifteen and you are in love. You are all the things a fifteen-year-old usually is when in love. You are wide-eyed and hopeful. You are single-minded and not to be convinced that he is not The One. You are also terrified, cold, lost, and confused, because up until tonight, when you felt you would burst if you didn’t tell someone how you feel about him, you had a home. But then you told your parents that you are head over heels in love with another boy. Now you live on the street.
You went to his house after the blow up at your house. Maybe if you gave your parents a little time to get used to the idea, they’d let you come back home. Surely your dad, who hadn’t missed a single baseball game since you were in Little League, surely he didn’t mean it when he said you disgust him. Surely he didn’t really believe you were dead to him. You would lay low at your boyfriend's house for a while.
But the love of your life had not yet told his parents, and he freaked when he saw you on the doorstep. He let you in and tried to act cool, but you had obviously been sobbing. In his room, he told you never to come to his house again. He would see you at school tomorrow. But where could you stay? He didn’t know, but he couldn't let you stay there. He asked, “Do you want me to end up on the street too?” And you didn’t at the time, but right now, dodging the rain under the overpass, shivering in your wet sweatshirt, you wish he was here. You could hitchhike together somewhere. Maybe San Fran. Nobody would care that you were in love there. You could get jobs and be happy together.
But for now, sleep. Where will you sleep? The rain can’t get you under the overpass, but it is cold, and you aren’t the only one there. You don’t know who the others are. You curl up as far away from the others as you can, up near the joint of the bridge, and you try to sleep. In the morning you’ll try to go back home. Maybe they’ll have cooled off by then…
But parents don’t always cool off. Twenty-six percent of children who come out to their parents as gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender (GLBT) are thrown out of the house with no provisions made for their well-being. These children make up an estimated 40-60% of the 1.6 million children living on shelters or on the streets in the United States today. The exact numbers are difficult to pin down, as people experiencing homelessness are difficult to contact for census information. Further complicating the matter is the U.S. census, which does not count single GLBT people or children in a household who identify as GLBT. Furthermore, the Runaway and Homeless Youth Act (2003) makes no mention of GLBT youth and allocates no funds for training service providers to meet their needs.
Then there is the obvious fear of identifying as gay. If it was enough to make your own parents hate you, why would you tell anyone else in power ever again?
GLBT youth are not welcome in foster care. There are no laws against GLBT youth in the system, but few foster parents are willing to take them in. Faith-based shelters are allowed to turn them away or discriminate against them in all kinds of ways. The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force report on GLBT homeless youth gathered anecdotes of shelter experiences from across the country. Some of the tales are shockingly cruel. At one shelter, GLBT youth were made to wear bright orange jumpsuits, so they were easily identifiable. At another, the door to the bedroom was removed and sharing a room with the GLBT youth was used as a punishment for other shelter residents.
Since safe shelters are scarce, many youth take their chances on the street. This puts them at great physical risk and forces them to engage in high risk behaviors, like survival sex. Survival sex is trading sex for money, food, shelter or drugs. And yes, the drugs become a necessary means of survival, as it numbs the fear and shame of their situation, which helps them turn the tricks that keep them alive.
Some youth have reported that contracting HIV would be good for them, because they would then qualify for housing set aside for people with HIV. Shelter is among the most basic of needs, and people will go to great lengths to achieve it.
Minneapolis recently reinstated a revolutionary program, called the GLBT Host Home program, which matches homeless GLBT youth with GLBT couples and families willing to foster them. There is no other program like it in the U.S. This program, a partnership between the City of Minneapolis and YouthLink, buys a homeless youth 12-18 months of shelter, food, clothing, and school expenses funded by the host family. After the first year, the child will have to get a job and contribute to the family income to the best of his/her ability. In the Host Home program’s five year history, 43 out of 50 participants have stayed off the streets. Thirty of the students finished high school, and 28 of those went on to college. But that is a tiny fraction of the total number of GLBT youth on the streets on any given night.
The ideal solution is for parents to love and support their kids, no matter who they love. When this isn’t possible, it is crucial that these youth receive early intervention and support in order to prevent physical assault, addiction, and disease. GLBT-friendly foster families are desperately needed. We are losing these kids.
You go home the next morning, after everyone has left for work. You collapse into your warm bed and look around. You can’t believe your life here, as part of a family, is over. You eat a little and sleep until they get home. Your dad, especially, is not happy to see you. Furious and shaking, he forces you out of the house again. You convince your sister to pack a bag for you. She puts your first teddy bear in the bag. You will lose him and everything else in the bag within six months. You will lose a lot of things over the next six months, including your dreams and your self-respect. But you will never forget how your first love made you feel.
To learn more about GLBT youth and homelessness, visit:
http://www.thetaskforce.org/downloads/HomelessYouth.pdf
http://www.safeschoolscoalition.org/RG-homeless.html
To learn more about the Host Home program, visit:
http://www.avenuesforyouth.org/HostHome.html
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Shouldn't throwing any 15 year old child out on street be neglect and punishable by jail time? The parents of such a youth, regardless of sexual orientation, should receive the consequences of their actions. Does anyone know the laws? Can you just kick a kid out? Sure, I guess you can at 18, but at 15!?
Ediblewoman, thanks for sharing the voice of GLBT homeless youth. Also, do you know of any instructional materials up there in Minneapolis for service providers to actually aid and counsel GLBT youth?
www.progressiveu.org/blog/americangirlinchina
I will post them here when I find them.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
...but yes, child abandonement, exposure and exposition are generally considered to be crimes in almost all U.S. jurisdictions, varying from a misdemeanor to a felony depending on the exact circumstances. The problem is that unless someone actually reports the abadonment to the police or child protective services, there is little chance that the parents will be held accountable. The issue is further complicated by the fact that many of the kids in these situations are either unaware of their rights, or unwilling to cooperate with a system whose first response is often simply to return the child to the same hostile home situation.
TTFN,
Blackout
-------------------------
Yes, I've changed my username from "percivale" to "Blackout." Go here if you want to know why.
I don't have anything from Minneapolis service providers, but I found this pdf. It seems pretty comprehensive.
http://www.nclrights.org/site/DocServer/Model_Standards_Project_article....
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
What a great and informative read! I'm glad you posted this.
The GLBT Host Program sounds like such a great program; Minneapolis is pretty awesome for starting it. I know a lot of places have programs and support groups in place for homeless GLBT youth, but I wish more had a foster program like this set up.
43 kids out of 40-60% of homeless kids everywhere may not seem like much of a drop in a bucket, but it's a huge impact on those 43 kids, and 43 is a lot more than zero.
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Thanks, sawaboof!
I should mention for the record that this blog was inspired by sawaboof's blog about homelessness, which can be found at:
http://progressiveu.org/061943-i-see-kids-street-not-enough-eat-who-am-i...
Sorry I didn't credit it in the blog. A.) It was very late when I wrote it, and 2.) I didn't want to break up the continuity of the piece.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
1.) This is a very good blog and reawakens my want to foster and/or adopt kids... Thanks. The flow and sentiment was easy to pick up on. I really like that the stats fit in the flow of things and were not boring, like some sats are.
B.) Sawaboof's blog was really good too
Are you guys some how related to this homeless problem or just recognize that the problem is there?
~T
All truths are easy to understand once discovered; The point is to discover them ~Galileo
But I'm just aware of the problem. I have worked in HIV/AIDS adult foster care homes for years and many of the residents had been homeless at some point in their lives. Few of the residents were gay, but it awakened my interest in helping out the homeless.
When I read sawaboof's blog (which WAS very good--I agree), I noticed the absence of any information about GLBT youth. It is pretty typical for the research to leave out stats on the GLBT population. Those kids are pretty much invisisble. No one wants to talk about them. So I felt that I needed to put the information out there as a sort of addendum to sawaboof's blog.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
It was agood addendum.
My blog is proof that the GLBT homeless youth stats are pretty invisible unless you know where to look. And I was, unfortunately, too caught up in the research stuff I had (and trying to find sources more current than 1996) to even think to go look for it.
I still think you should submit your blog to some homeless coalitions and such so they're even more aware that small children and veterans aren't the only over-looked populations of homeless people.
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I also just really recognize the problem is there. I did some of my student nurse rotations for about 6 weeks in an elementary school for homeless kids in Phoenix, and that gave me a different perspective than other volunteer work I'd done with homeless people--I didn't see too many kids lined up in soup kitchens.
I've seen, literally, hundreds of homeless kids between 5 and 12 years old all in one spot. And I know they disappear at 3pm each day into hotel rooms, shelters, abandoned buildings, and covered play grounds with their families. So it's really frustrating to know that so many people still think most homeless people are the stereotypical, mentally unstable, middle-aged, male drug addict.
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We had a big debate in class about whether a separate school for homeless children was equal access to education or segregation. I argued that it was a good idea, if the schools were located at strategic points throughout the city, if they provided services like laundry, nutrition, showers, a clinic, and maybe some resources for parents. Attendance could be tracked by computer, and we have all the standardized tests to track achievement. If every child were tracked via an ID number, like we are in college, the transience would not hinder their school performance, and they'd be safe, fed, and clean for eight hours a day.
A LOT of people disagreed with me. What was it like in Phoenix?
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
I don't know how I feel about a single school with only homeless kids. I think it would be easier to deal with for the kids- they wouldn't be harassed like they would in other schools. I also think that kids in regular schools need some of the benefits you listed for a school for homeless kids.
When a family first becomes homeless, there tends to be a denial where no one else knows. The kids aren't going to say anything, for fear (knowledge) that they will get harassed. Just because a child does have a roof over his head every night does not mean that his guardian(s) does laundry, has the ability to have him see a doctor, has nutritious food, or even a working shower.
-Sonja :)
"Democracy works only when you vote. When you don't take the time to vote for the candidate you find the least offensive, you run the risk of electing the candidate you find the most offensive."
Wikipedia (of course
) has an article about the school.
It's sadly being shut down at the end of June because of a lack of funding--it's run entirely on donations and charity and a couple years ago, the teachers were even working without pay in an effort to keep it open. It just wasn't enough.
It's really unfortunate. It was a great school. With homeless kids in Phoenix, it's one thing to regiser at a school, but attendance is another, because their families move around so much from shelter to shelter to hotel to friend's house to shelter, etc. Attendance wasn't great because of this but, unlike a lot of regular schools, Pappas had vans that would drive around looking for kids that weren't in school. They also had their own bus that met the kids at certain locations around Phoenix to pick them up and drop them off. Some kids came from locations an hour or 2 away (there are only 3 schools). I think because of that it was more equal access to education, rather than segregation.
The kids did recieve services at the school--free lunches, immunizations, weekly doctor visits to the nurse's station, a clothing bank for kids who needed underwear, socks, pants, sweaters, blankets, etc. They had laundry services and showers. A lot teachers were bilingual to help the Spanish-speaking kids. Each Thanksgiving, each kid was sent home with a pre-cooked meal for the family so they could have turkey and potatoes and vegetables.
It was a great school for 19 years and it's upsetting that it's being shut down.
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Dang..Its being shut down!!! That is to bad...I wish I had enough to save it.
I actually wish I had enough to save all those forgotten and pushed aside at such a young age, unfortunately I am jsut trying to get by myself.
All truths are easy to understand once discovered; The point is to discover them ~Galileo
I think it has the coolest story! I wish it weren't closing. I'd love to visit it and take notes. I think they're an amazing service.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
There is a small abandoned building in the buisness district.
Its for sale.
Wont take much to fix.
Maybe I can start a movement for this here.
I want to help people to be safe in who they are.
CommentOpportunity
There were always in me, two women at least,
one woman desperate and bewildered,
who felt she was drowning and another who
would leap into a scene, as upon a stage,
conceal her true emotions because they
were weaknesses, helplessness, despair,
and
So what happens to all those kids? I understand more now about the importance, with transportation and everything of a school targeted in educating homeless kids. I hadn't really considered how much distance there is in the shuffling their families do.
-Sonja :)
"Democracy works only when you vote. When you don't take the time to vote for the candidate you find the least offensive, you run the risk of electing the candidate you find the most offensive."
they're expected to register at a regular school. But this blog makes a really good point. They probably won't be too successful at another school unless the servics provided at Pappas go with them. But, somehow I don't think they'll be getting clean clothes and showers and free doctor visits at their new school...
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it's not a problem. I agree it would have broken the continuity. You had a flow going on that would have been slightly thrown off by the Monty Python announcement: And now for something completely different!
It was very late when you posted it! I was up around midnight when I noticed its appearance and I was like isn't it like 2am in MN. THAT is dedication. ;-)
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I understand that some people have very low tolerance of GLBT people in general. What I don't understand is why they feel that having someone around who is GLBorT makes them so furious. I grew up in an area that is predominantly white and Christian-so I knew very little about the GLBT, until I went to college. I went to a music school where the numbers are skewed. I would have to say that probably close to 50% of the students in the school were GLBT. I personally am supportive of that community because they were my friends, and in fact one of my best friends is a lesbian. She is an only child and extremely lucky to have very understanding, supportive, and loving parents. But everywhere we go, there is still some awkwardness. Not between me and her, but from the people on the streets. She doesn't like being labeled a lesbian, instead she prefers being called gender queer. She looks like and dresses like a man, but has no desire to have a sex change. She has finally come into her own and is happy with herself, but its still hard to see people on the street who are obviously judging her because of the way that she looks and carries herself.
My heart goes out to those GLBT Homeless youth and I do really hope that the program Minneapolis has put in place will spread out across the nation. There are so many loving families who would want to help a GLBT get back on their feet and experience the love and kindness that any young adult should feel.
Are you and your partner one of the host families, ediblewoman? Is there a restriction based on age (i.e. only those who can work are allowed in, or only those who can get their own place in x amount of time)?
~C
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Our house has only one bedroom, so it isn't a logistical possibility right now. We also have crazy schedules that are not conducive to caring for and supervising a teenager who's been on the street. They are generally pretty high need by the time they get a host family. Once I have a teaching job and we have bought a real live house with more than one bedroom, we will definitely be a host family!
I don't know exactly what the restrictions are. I believe all the youth are referred via a social worker at Avenues or Youthlink. I think young people through age 19 are deemed appropriate for the program. Not sure though.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
are you involved other ways? I read on the avenues for youth site one way to get involved is to sponsor a youth at a shelter. I thought it sounded like a pretty neat idea.
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I just read about that yesterday, too. I'm looking into it.
One thing I didn't mention in the blog (and this is more in response to mvenus) is that in order for a child to be amenable to the Host Home program, they would probably have to be at a place where they have given up hope of being able to go home. I would imagine this takes time for some of them. It's a hard concept to grasp, especially if your family has been loving and involved up until the time you come out. It makes their rejection seem anomalous, like something they might snap out of in time.
But I don't know, because I knew I'd be thrown out of my parents' house, so I didn't come out until I was an adult. Has anyone out there in ProU land been a homeless gay teenager? How long did it take to realize there was no going home?
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
I understand that the system has to have some limits on who cares for these kids, but I would think a home, even if it's a couch to sleep on, would be better than the streets or an overcrowded shelter. How picky would you be if you were on the streets? That would probably be more privacy and attention than they would have had since they were kicked out. Of course, those kids would need more care and supervision than most people's schedules would allow.
-Sonja :)
"Democracy works only when you vote. When you don't take the time to vote for the candidate you find the least offensive, you run the risk of electing the candidate you find the most offensive."
But Minnesota foster care rules require a bedroom for the kids. Kids can share a bedroom with other kids, but they can't couch surf.
And sorry I'm getting to your comments so late. I missed them, somehow.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
As far as I know, every state has that rule for foster parenting. I do understand that- wanting a child to feel like they are a part of a family, welcome and comfortable in a bedroom. Plus they are taking responsibility for the child's health and safety when they place a minor in a home. Children are more than liabilities...
All I was saying was that in emergency situations, like all the kids on the streets in every big city in the country, they should be places anywhere they are wanted.
-Sonja :)
"Democracy works only when you vote. When you don't take the time to vote for the candidate you find the least offensive, you run the risk of electing the candidate you find the most offensive."
I totally agree. I wonder what can be done about that? I'm going to look into that tonight.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
I will never understand how anything "faith" based can be so biased. I thought that one whole aspect of many religions is that judgment is for god and god alone?
Hearing the statistics just makes me even more angry at the world.....
The report does not in any way suggest that ALL faith-based organizations discriminate against GLBT youth. The stories are out there, though, and most youth who are thrown out of their houses come from religious households. If religion was the motivation for throwing you out of the house, would you be inclined to seek help from a religious organization?
I agree. It is very frustrating.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
Not all faith-based organizations discriminate against LGBT kids. If a faith-based organization is opening a door for these kids, I don't think the connection would be made that religion is what put them on the streets.
A lot of the faith-based organizations do discriminate though. I made this point in a social work class when we talked about federal funding for faith-based organizations. They can have their own rules. If they don't want to accept LGBT, they wouldn't be forced to. Suddenly, I'm thinking of the religious programs that "fix" people who are LGBT....
-Sonja :)
"Democracy works only when you vote. When you don't take the time to vote for the candidate you find the least offensive, you run the risk of electing the candidate you find the most offensive."
Don't even get me started on "reparative therapy." A lot of the parents who throw their kids out try that route, and when it doesn't work, they decide their kid is defying them and give them the boot. It's gross.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
My heart also goes out to the homeless - especially those who are young and GLBT - how strong they must be to survive, when everyday is a struggle just to find a warm place to sleep...
It seems that parents always either care too much or too little about their kids...
I'm glad there are people that do care about this. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for writing this.
I just read an article in UU world about several UU churches offering outreach to LGBT teens and offering hangout space on weekends. The Outreach center in Ogden was created when the minister heard about a boy who'd been kicked out of his home after he came out. There is a Wednesday night drop in center and the center tries to offer educational outreach to the community. It would be great if more spiritual communities or social action communities could provide community and education on this topic.
So many of my friends are UU members. They've even verbed it. They'll ask, "You guys UUin' it this weekend?"
There are a lot of faith based organizations who do good things for GLBT youth. It's difficult to sort out who is safe and who isn't sometimes, and I think a lot of people have been so burned by their family's religion that they are reluctant to try anything else.
That minister in Ogden set an amazing example for his congregation by not sweeping that boy under the rug.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
Thank you for this blog. You're right - the issue is invisble to most.
I had a camper last year who, when she came out as lesbian to her parents, was not evicted so much as estranged and jailed. She stays at home, but pays rent and all of her own expenses, like food, clothing, and transportation. She pays for this with a job(s) after school. She wants to go to NYU, but knows she can't afford it.
T.k.
Has she looked into becoming an emancipated minor? This might be a situation where such action is warranted.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
She mentioned something about it, but as to whether she was going to do it, had already done it, or had no intention of doing it, I have no idea. I'm not going back to that camp this year.
T.k.
Well, I hope she was able to work something out, either for her own sanity, or for her college prospects (which will probably lead to much improved sanity, as well, being out of ehr parents house and all).
Stories like that are heartbreaking. It's so hard to hear, because I know I would have been in the same boat, had I been courageous enough to come out in high school. I like to think things are so much better than when I was a kid, but for a lot of people, they aren't.
*sigh*
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
I don't want to sound heartless, but when you have two choices one being wait to come out when you are living on your own or when you are in college and the second coming out when you are 15 and taking the risk of being kicked out what would make you choose the latter? I understand being GLBT is your identity and you shouldn't have to worry about coming out or what not, but is it really worth the risk when you are 15? Is it really worth it to be kicked out of your house, rejected by foster homes, relying on survival sex and drugs to numb the pain, I mean at that point can you tell yourself it was really worth it to come out now rather than wait?
I knew I would be, so I kept it to myself until I was firmly an adult.
But the other thing to think about is that 15-year-olds in love are often super impulsive. And if they are surrounded by classmates pairing up and having fairy tales, why wouldn't they want that for themselves? Teenagers think they are invincible in all kinds of ways. I think a lot of them are surprised by the rejection, and still others think they are better equipped to deal with it than they really are.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
Really I do, but why should a person have to live a lie, even if they are teenagers? Even if a person doesn't come out, is s/he supposed to date the opposite sex to make sure that rumors don't get back to the family? It's just so twisted that society has almost made it ok for parenting to have conditional love for their children due to sexuality.
Ediblewoman's right. Not everyone can predict the reaction of their parents.
-Sonja :)
"Democracy works only when you vote. When you don't take the time to vote for the candidate you find the least offensive, you run the risk of electing the candidate you find the most offensive."
SO true, We can not even predict our own reactions let alone someone else's.
~T
All truths are easy to understand once discovered; The point is to discover them ~Galileo
I agree that GLBT teenagers should not have to hide their identity, all I am saying is why feel the need to come out as a freshman or whatever a 15 year old is. If they are truly GLBT they know how their decision will cause some people to react, they know that this world is not fair and may treat them like crap. They have to know that because this world does not hide its feelings toward diversity.
While you may not be able to tell how your parents will react you have to have some idea. I mean growing up you have to have seen things that caused your parents to act a certain way. Your parents are not complete strangers to you so you have to know how they feel about certain things. I mean if they go to church or care how they appear to other people, you have to assume they are not going to want a GLBT son/daughter hurting their reputation or causing them to get stared at while walking down the isles at church.
All I am saying is GLBT teenagers need to use common sense when coming out.
Their straight counterparts get to come out at 15...
In my case, I assumed my parents would both be pissed at me. I assumed wrong. My mom was (and is) awesome! My dad is exactly what I expected him to be. One never really knows. My partner assumed her parents would hate her too. Her parents were both great. You don't always know. And some kids have this terrible capacity for hope. It leads them to do silly things, like being themselves and hoping for the best.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
As a teen, I would see that my parents want me to be who I am and know that they love me unconditionally.
Even as an adult I do not know how my mother would react if i were to all of a sudden become LGBT and come out.
Not to be mean to teens but I just do not think they have the mental capacity to make this 'choice' to be LGBT AND be able to decifer the best course of action with coming out to their parents. I would imagine it to be an EXTREMELY confusing time.
On a side note, is it goegraphically telling if we say LGBT or GLBT? I alwasy heard it with a L in front in the west coast. It took me awhile to understand and get use to the G first. I just thought I would ask.
~T
All truths are easy to understand once discovered; The point is to discover them ~Galileo
Very observant! LGBT is predominant on the west coast, GLBT is predominant in the midwest, and I don't know what they say in the east.
As far as the mental capacity of teens, it has been proven time and again that teens do not have the same ability as adults to anticipate consequences. The prefrontal cortex does not fully develop until the early twenties. It's why they are more impulsive drivers, irresponsible in regard to sexual behavior, why they disregard curfews, etc. They need parents and teachers to act as their prefrontal cortex for them by setting boundaries.
The problem GLBT youth face in coming out is that what they are doing is no different than what their straight peers are doing. Their heterosexual peers face no punishment for dating and falling in love, so why should they? And why should they expect to? And because heterosexuality is compulsory in our society, parents don't always make their feelings about the subject known, because they don't expect that they'll be faced with the issue. They can't read their parents' minds.
And besides all that, I think that saying GLBT kids need to fake it until they're adults is a little like saying a woman asked to be raped by being pretty.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
LGBT here in NY :)
"Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent." - Victor Hugo
Yup, I'm a music nerd.
I guess Midwesterners are weird!
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
...we mostly just say "gay." Personally, I don't see the benefit in getting tangled up in the whole "LGBT/QQASIP" (that's "Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender/Transsexual, Queer, Questioning, Allied, Straight, Intersex or Pansexual") acronym extravaganza.
TTFN,
Blackout
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Yes, I've changed my username from "percivale" to "Blackout." Go here if you want to know why.
We call that Alphabet Soup.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
By "coming out" are you talking about making an announcement or just living one's life? It's not easy to control those hormones. Even if there isn't an actual announcement, the family most likely will eventually hear through the grapevine. So... play straight for a few years? That is incredibly dishonest.
We were all told that love from a parent is unconditional. Most teens are so excited about their crushes they can't wait to share with their family. I would say it's the responsibility of the adults to get their heads out of their asses and support and accept their child, no matter what.
-Sonja :)
"Democracy works only when you vote. When you don't take the time to vote for the candidate you find the least offensive, you run the risk of electing the candidate you find the most offensive."
I understand where everyone is coming from... a GLBT child should not have to hide who they are to their parents. The fact of the matter is they sometimes do. Parents theoretically should love their child unconditionally and that usually happens in a perfect world, well this is no perfect world. Kids are being disowned by their parents and my point is why do teenagers who are 15 feel the need to share with the whole world that they are gay? It really is not necessary, I'm sorry. I may be infringing on GLBT's right to disclose who they are but personally if it were me, I would choose to wait until college rolled around before going to live on the streets.
Also at the age of 15 your hormones are raging how can you really know that your lust or infatuation on a member of the same sex is real? Could it perhaps be those 15 year old hormones raging away, making you confused? Why risk the streets when you may or may not know what your true feelings are?
Is young love valid? Or is it just raging hormones? Do you think any of the straight 15-year-olds in love recognize that it is just raging hormones? Do you recommend that the straight 15-year-olds defer dating until they are adults as well?
Okay that was a lot more than one question.
Dating is an important part of identity formation. Why should anyone be denied the opportunity to fall in love or have butterflies in the tummy over someone?
And again, not everyone knows they are going to be thrown out.. Could you imagine your parents putting you on the street indefinitely for any reason? No one thinks their parents will do that, if their parents have been supportive in the past.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
No one should be denied that chance to fall in love and feel the butterflies in their stomach even if that love is between two boys. I understand where everyone is coming from, I don't disagree with homosexuality. I feel bad that GLBT's have fewer rights and are afraid to come out. However I cannot say I feel bad when they can obviously look around and see other GLBT's coming out and being treated like crap. Yes, that is a double standard. Yes, that is wrong that they have to be careful like that. Yes, yes, yes but a GLBT's life is going to be hard and unfair. That is not fair, just because they are different does not mean they should not have a shot at living a normal life. But things are not always fair; this world is not always fair. So if there is even the slightest chance that their parents will force them out on to the streets is it worth it? That is all I want to know because if they feel that it is worth it then good for them, but, and pardon me if I seem rude, I don't want a sob story.
This world has always been and always will be unfair. While this is unfortunate, it is also fact.
You want a testimonial. I guess the only one who can give one is a person who was thrown out of their house for being gay. So far, no one has come forward with that story yet, but maybe someone will find this blog someday and tell us their opinion? I hope so, because now that I understand your question better, I'm curious too.
So, how bout it? If you were ever homeless because you came out to your family, was it worth it?
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
Why do you think that coming out is always a choice? I never said a word to my parents about anything, or brought a girlfriend home, or anything overt at all. They all found out by reading my blogs on the internet. I didn't f-lock them well enough, and voila! Instant snooping. I'm not the only one, either - several of my friends have been outed via hacking. None of us were shoving it in our parents' faces; quite the opposite, in fact. We were only dealing with repression in the only way we knew.
None of us wound up on the street, but my parents, at least, are still deeply in denial.
T.k.
Carefull what you wish for. I had a friend whose parents set up video cameras to 'watch' while they were away. They found out their daughters viginity long gone. If parents are going to snoop they should be prepared to accept what the find otherwise they need to know that they rather not.
To blog online about being gay is just begging for being outed...this is a choice some make with out realizing I guess.
~T
All truths are easy to understand once discovered; The point is to discover them ~Galileo
Yes, we did something reckless. No, it's not all the surprising that we were caught. I agree wholeheartedly with you on that. My comment was in response to the assumption that teenage queers are all so naive that we skip into our houses singing about how we're madly in love with a member of the same sex.
I know nothing about you, so please don't take this personally, but what is the most important secret you've ever had? Did you feel crushing pressure to keep it from nearly everyone in your life because of some nameless fear? In my case, I kept it to myself for all of two months before I had to tell a few friends. Since they had no problem with it and they were the ones who read my blog, I felt no reason to keep little things out of my entries. Not big coming out posts or anything - just telling the truth on surveys and celebrating pro-queer legal rulings. It was an effective way of releasing pressure without taking risks. Trying to fake straightness would have been unbearable.
You're absolutely right about the parents - if they're going to snoop, they need to face the consequences. If their kid is giving them genuine reason to worry, what they're doing could be lifesaving, but if they're just curious it's entirely their own fault if they see something they don't like.
T.k.
Everyone, including kids, expect a certain amount of privacy. Now it's the computer age, but before that was actual diaries. I agree with you. Parents who have noticed major changes in their child's life might be concerned enough to snoop, but to snoop just to snoop is dangerous. Most parents don't want to know what really goes on in a teenager's life. My mom still gets freaked out when I tell her stories of us when we were teenagers. I was always really honest with her anyway, and she was prety uncomfortable then.
I'm glad to hear that there weren't really major negative consequences of you and your friends when parents found out.
-Sonja :)
"Democracy works only when you vote. When you don't take the time to vote for the candidate you find the least offensive, you run the risk of electing the candidate you find the most offensive."
You can remember the exact when you decided about your orientation?
The most I know say they had known all their lives and had troubles being 'normal' to keep their diffrences silent.
Basically you wanted it to come out but you had not decided how or which words to use.
I would have the same problem if I ever came to that.
Its esier to answer a yes or no question then to explain
CommentOpportunity
There were always in me, two women at least,
one woman desperate and bewildered,
who felt she was drowning and another who
would leap into a scene, as upon a stage,
conceal her true emotions because they
were weaknesses, helplessness, despair,
and
I don't remember the exact date, but I do remember the general timeline. And... that is the most common reaction, but most common, by definition, does not mean everyone.
No, I had not decided to come out. I was (wisely, in retrospect) keeping it from my parents while still maintaining my sanity. In fact, I was planning to wait until after leaving home.
Yeah, that would have been easier. But everything is context. And I'm bored.
T.k.
At least you do not have to live in complete boxed up secrecy anymore.
To freedom
CommentOpportunity
There were always in me, two women at least,
one woman desperate and bewildered,
who felt she was drowning and another who
would leap into a scene, as upon a stage,
conceal her true emotions because they
were weaknesses, helplessness, despair,
and
Like straight people go through life just kicking up their heels and whistling a happy little tune. You need a place to stay, go to LAYN (Los Angeles Youth Network) they are a homeless shelter for youth, all youth-gay or straight. Because straight kids get kicked out of their house too. Because straight kids get beat within an inch of their life. Because straight kids are often tossed aside for the newest boyfriend in their mother's life. I should know I lived with those youth.
I worked at Los Angeles Youth Network when I was 17 and in fact, I was the one of the only straight people who worked there, everyone else was gay. But that was 21 years ago. I do know they are still around. You can also call Boys Town. They help runaways. But spare me the woe is me, I am gay and the world hates me story. I am tired of hearing it, especially since gays have it much easier today than say oh, a straight White Christian male. (And that is coming from a straight, Black Christian woman), if anyone is gunned after, it is him.
There are plenty of places that will help all youth in trouble if you take the time to look instead of whining. Self-pity never got anyone anywhere, but self-determination, oh yes that wonderful self-determination will take you places you have only dreamed of! And that goes for gay people too.
...That was one of the most ignorant rants I have ever read. It seems that you learned nothing during your time with LAYN if you think that "straight White Christian male[s]" face more challenges (as a demographic) that anyone else in our society. Statistically speaking, LGBT youth face violence and abuse at home and at school at a dramatically higher rate than any other demographic. They are more likely to drop out of school, more likely to be kicked out of their homes, more likely to be targeted by identity-motivated violence, and more likely to commit suicide than any other demographic in our society. Your position is not based on fact, and its tone is remarkably intolerant for someone who claims to have experience working with homeless youth.
TTFN,
Blackout
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Yes, I've changed my username from "percivale" to "Blackout." Go here if you want to know why.