Gift Giving & Holidays - Wrong?
Two years ago a very close family member decided that she would become a Jehovah Witness (sp?). My family is a mix of Catholics and Baptists, but all pretty much have the same belief system. The adults in the family were completely dumbfounded and incredibly upset with her. It was very sad to see the family torn apart over her new belief system.
Long story short, at the initial request of my parents, I agreed to discuss the "family's beliefs" compared to her "new beliefs" to find out where she is coming from - I think my family hoped that I would change her mind, even though that was not my intention for this meeting of the minds.
The one thing that I must say I completely understood from her point of view was the situation that holidays bring forth with the giving of gifts... My cousin stated that the reason she no longer will give gifts for holidays/birthdays is because it has turned into an obligation. People expect parties, cake, candles, money, and presents. The act of giving deals with an unselfish act towards another person with the intent of pleasing another. But, the issue is when that gift is being given, the other person (in many cases) feels they DESERVE that gift. This creates (once again, generally) high expectations, hurt feelings, and sometimes... arguments.
My cousin feels that when you give someone a gift it should be because when you saw the gift you immediately thought of that person, not the obligation.
So, my question is... When giving gifts at holidays and birthdays, do you feel that you may be doing more harm than good? Do you feel an obligation more than the spirit of giving to another? Do you struggle with what to give and how another may respond? Do you feel that this act of giving for a purpose instead of giving because you have a desire to give is wrong?
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I love the idea of gift-giving. It is sad if certain people feel as though they deserve gifts on special days, but I don't view that as the norm. Instead, I see it as the result of some individuals expressing the selfish, materialistic traits that are latent in their personalities. This expression would find its way out whether or not the person was given gifts. I think these are isolated incidents, rather than general trends.
To answer your questions, I never feel as though I'm doing more harm than good by giving a gift, unless the gift that I give is against my morals or values. For example, I am against smoking, but have many friends who smoke. I have seen many beautiful cigarette cases that would make lovely gifts, but I cannot justify gifting such a thing because its use is so opposed to my values.
Yes, I do feel somewhat of an obligation to give gifts to certain people. That makes sense, though. If everyone is getting gifts, how can I leave someone out and not feel bad about it? The spirit of giving is the initial impetus for the gift exchange in the first place, but I do feel obligated to make sure people are on the receiving end.
Yes, I absolutely struggle with what to give and how the other person may respond. I desire to give a gift that the recipient will enjoy. This sometimes takes long deliberation, and I prefer not to take gift-giving lightly. I never purchase a trivial gift for someone just for the sake of giving them a gift. I would rather say, "You know, I just didn't find what I wanted to get for you. Please wait two weeks, and you will love it!"
Yes, I think the act of giving for a purpose is wrong if it is done mearly on the basis of a social custom. Just because everyone is giving gifts, doesn't mean I should. I don't participate in my company's Secret Santa. In fact, I don't give gifts at all at Christmas because I don't celebrate Christmas (since I am not a Christian). I see no reason to go out and buy stuff to give to people just because everyone else is doing it. In order to reconsile my desire to give gifts and my abstinence of Christmas, I invented my own gift-giving holiday, which I celebrate with my family and friends. I make it clear that since I don't give Christmas gifts, they are under no obligation to give me gifts on my holiday. But they may, if they'd like.
I don't feel obligated to give gifts, but I can see how some people do. I can't believe that your family is making such a big deal out of your cousin's beliefs. Whatever happened to loving one another?
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