By ANNE CRON
Source Staff Writer
Four years ago, Connie D. found herself divorced and raising her 14-year-old daughter, the youngest of her four children.
Connie was living paycheck to paycheck in a small apartment. She didn’t have health insurance and worked at a low-paying job.
Then, at age 42, she was also looking forward to meeting her soon-to-arrive grandson. The last thing on Connie’s mind was what she would do if she unexpectedly became pregnant and yet fate took her in that direction.
“I was shocked,” Connie said. “I knew in my heart I didn’t believe in terminating the pregnancy, but I also knew I wasn’t going to keep the child. I couldn’t raise it in my circumstance.”
Connie kept the pregnancy quiet for a few months, not sure what to do. She admits she was in denial, but did tell a few close friends and her children. The baby’s father had no interest in playing a role and Connie felt alone.
She didn’t feel like her situation was normal. Connie was an adult, older than the age of 40 and had already raised four children. She wasn’t what she thought of when the term “birthmother” sprang to mind.
“Most birthmothers fall between the ages of 17 and 25, but they can be any age,” said Paula Springer, director of the Eastern Michigan Offices of Adoption Associates. “That is something we try to convey - there isn’t really a stereotypical birthmother. From age to race to economic and educational status, it all varies.”
After four months, during which she ate healthy and took care of herself, Connie opened up the phone book. She selected an adoption agency out of a dozen listed and was soon inundated with more than two dozen profiles of couples seeking children.
“I never realized there were so many families out there looking for children,” she said. “It was so hard to pick one. So many people deserved a family. Also, I was scared I would be rejected because of my age or that they’d think, How did you get yourself into this?’ I was just afraid of being rejected.”
Connie’s daughters helped her sort through the 25 profiles, all highlighting couples of various ages, backgrounds and beliefs. She knew she wanted a couple closer to her own age and wanted the child she carried to have opportunities.
“We want birthmothers to understand that they can choose a wonderful life for their baby,” Springer said. “They can choose a wonderful family and we can work together from there.”
While the decision wasn’t an easy one, two months later Connie did make her choice. She chose a Shelby Township family and didn’t look back.
“It was really hard to make the decision, but I know even now that I made the right one,” Connie said. “I had the support of friends and my children. I was so positive about the situation. I knew it was the right one.”
Connie was a little surprised when she discovered how active the couple was in her pregnancy, but welcomed it nonetheless. Coming out of a marriage to a man who she said had little involvement in her first four children’s upbringing, she didn’t expect to see both Lisa B. and her husband Matt accompany her to her doctor appointments. All three were present when Connie learned the baby was a girl.
“Of course I was a little nervous when I found out he would be so involved,” Connie said. “But I liked it. It was comforting to know he wanted to be there.”
The couple also wanted Connie to be involved. They turned to her as their tie-breaker in deciding how to spell their new daughter’s name. Matt and Lisa wanted to make sure their daughter, Hannah, would know who her birthmother was and where she came from.
Connie got along so well with the couple that with each visit she felt more and more confident in her choice. She regularly found herself assuring Matt and Lisa that she wouldn’t change her mind.
“In my heart I was carrying their child nine months,” Connie said. “I didn’t bond with the baby while I was pregnant like I did my other children. She was theirs.”
Both Matt and Lisa were with her when she gave birth to Hannah. Connie was grateful for their support in the delivery room and found comfort in their presence.
Connie made sure the nurses knew the situation and said many of the staff members were teary-eyed when they saw the group together with the new arrival.
When it came time for Hannah to go home with her new family, Connie found strength in the knowledge she made the right choice.
Today, Connie still never waivers and often shares her stories with other mothers faced with the same choice she was.
“I just hope that the girls and women out there that find themselves pregnant take the time to really think about their choice,” Connie said. “There is hope out there. There are so many couples out there that want a family and you can give them that instead of making the choice to terminate. Nine months might seem like a long time to some young girls, but what’s nine months when it comes to making a family?”
Nearly four years later, Hannah most definitely has that family. With a little brother and an extended family, she knows she belongs. She knows as much as she can about her situation at the age of 3, but what she knows best is that her mother and father love her.
“I love it when I see Hannah cuddling with Matt or Lisa,” Connie said. “I love it when I see her look at Lisa. The love. The love that’s there is so beautiful. When I hear her call Lisa Mommy’ or Matt Daddy,’ I know I have no regrets at all. I tell them thank you and they tell me the same. I couldn’t have dreamed of a better outcome.”
I got the article from this website:
http://www.sourcenewspapers.com/stories/120306/loc_story2001.shtml
