I fell off the wagon. Then, I burned it to the ground. i'm a dang ole wagon burner anyways....so yeah. I quit drinking for my new years resolution and i felt great! I mean...seriously, I lost weight, I wasn't going out with ugly guys...man, I just loved it. Then...on june 2nd, I graduated from college with my associates degree. Doing how college kids do these days, I bought a keg. Then, a bunch of friends and I drank it all night until noon the next day. People were driving by my house looking at us all crazy....wondering what the heck we were doing drunk at 10 am on sunday morning. i kept saying...dang we should be at church or something right now! then, we all laughed about that..cuz we are all heathens. just kidding. a little heathen humor for you. but yeah...man i got all sick and wrong. now i'm coughing, sniffling, and miserable. I think that this little cold is a manifestation of my feelings of inadequacies about drinking again. Instead of dealing w/ how crappy I feel inside that I let myself down b/c I drank...it has manifested itself into a cold...it's something acute. something that I can feel. and it feels awful. I guess I need to resolve all these feelings. I need to recognize that it is okay to drink sometimes. I mean...I don't do it all the time. and this last time I drank...I well...nah, man...a bunch of stupid shit happened and could have happened. it wasn't worth it. drinking is never worth it. something stupid always happens. i always end up dealing with dumb drunks and I hate it. I don't want to surround myself with people like that, because if the people we surround ourselves with are reflections of ourselves...then hell with that! I don't want to be like those people. I want to hang out with people who are educated and fun and positive...not people who think drinking to black out is a goal to achieve. I guess that is why I feel so dumb about falling off the wagon and burning it...hahaha. I wish that I didn't. I wish so much that I never drank alcohol at all. But I can't take it back now. I can't change my past. I know that I can make a choice today though. I can choose to not drink today and that is why I sit at home...at 12:30 am on a friday night...and around here, there is a party every day in the summer time...and I sit here and blog progressively about drinking instead of actually drinking. it is a start.
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