A long night of beery dancing to the frenetic whiskey-fueled pounding of a student jug band, wandering my college campus until the hours of sunrise. Holding a newly-met harmonica-playing lovely lady friend as our shivers propel us toward the warmth of the pool hall. Hugging her with unexpected elation as our more-talented and possibly more sober opponents lose the game. I have not made love to anyone since I split with my girlfriend of two years, and have experienced as many years of sexual and emotional frustration since. I never drank before attending college; here, the easy availability of intoxicating substances, from alcohol to L.S.D., is nationally infamous. She is obviously drunk and I am not, and she obviously wants to have sex. I would love to, but can I actually have consensual sex with her at this time?
This is a problem faced, and too often left unconfronted, in every college across the nation.
I am a firm believer in the assertion of the Stoic philosopher Seneca that "Uppon occasion we should go as far as intoxication, half-seas over, not total immersion," and that "Bacchus, who invented wine, is surnamed Liber, not because of the license wine gives the tongue, but because it liberates the mind from its bondage to care and emancipates it and animates it and gives it greater boldness for any enterprise." I drink my share of the Pabst 24-pack most weekends. I've got no problem with casual sex or the consumption of intoxicating substances, but it's important to me that intoxication doesn't lead to actions that I would condemn in somebody else.
As a feminist; as the son of two midwives who have delivered too many "mistakes" to young people; and as a person concerned with the culture of rape, devastated emotions, and poor choices associated with so much college sexual activity; I believe it is time for men to open up sustained dialogs on their campuses regarding sexual consent, particularly when the influence of drugs and alcohol is concerned.A few friends and myself have started a feminist discussion group for men as a compliment to the main feminist discussion group on campus. We hoped to, and have succeeded in, opening up a space for men to consider ways in which they can pursue their desired level of sexual activity in a way that is effectively consensual, which means that all participants can give consent in a way that is meaningful. Discussion in this group has spurred my own interest in feminist issues, and has given me a much firmer grasp on how to negotiate party culture safely and with pleasure. All schools should have a safe space for men to talk about sex and gender honestly, so we can begin to end the tides of people (mostly womyn) with broken hearts, unwanted pregnancies (all womyn), and experiences of rape.
All men who are interested in a socially just, equitable, and happy world should be talking about patriarchy, sexual consent, and gender issues. If there's no feminist discussion group which invites male participation at your school, start one. If there aren't regular consent workships, organize one. It's time for men to take responsibility for their actions at the bacchanale.
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
At this time I dont have the willingness, or time to debate all aspects of your post, but I will make the point that men are not the only one who indulge in drunken revelry, and are certain not the sole participants in many sexual encounters, concentual or otherwise.
maybe I'll start a misogynist group on my campus... Dont have a better "opposite" of feminist...certainly not a hater of women, but certainly a group that is concerned with male needs
Gender understanding is one thing... that does not mean a necessity for me to conform to the woman as any different than the woman conforming to the man.
off topic, but it did bring to mind a perfect example... Almost as bad as the stereotypical toilet seat issue... men - put it down when done!... How about this... women - put it down when you need it.
---
"Can you imagine what I would do if I could do all I can?” (Sun Tzu)
It's absolutely true that women do engage in risky behaviors and sometimes do behave irresponsibly. However, nobody who reads the paper, talks about these issues with their female friends, or observes the way people act around others would make the assertion that you seem to be implyig -- that womyn, in general, engage in as much sexually aggressive/inappropriate behavior as men.
It's very difficult to find reliable statistics on instances of rape, because for both womyn and men, cases are incredibly underreported. The figures I have seen several times (which I won't site, because, again, cases of harrassment and rape are so underreported that I don't know how much the figure can even be trusted) are that about 1/3 of womyn and 1/6 of men experience rape at some point in their lives. I'll just go ahead and assert here that men engage in domestic abuse of womyn far more than the other way around.
It's totally true that we need to be respectful of each other -- equality has to go both ways. But it has been my experience that womyn are on the receiving end of a lot of crap far more often than are men, and men are still very reluctant to say "I'm going to take responsibility for my actions. It won't be the responsibility of women to check me -- I'm going to check myself."
This was a lovely post. I don't think it hurts anyone to think about another's safety and emotional needs. I wish there were more of you out there!
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman