This is my mind at 1:05. My mind could wander on for miles if I let it. Instead it travles through the years of my life. Speeding off into other realms that 'used to be'. Used to be me and little bits of me that have seemed to have been pulled from my past midnight file cabinet.
Relationships. At one point in time I was in a long distance relationship with a girl named Lauren. She was my ENTIRE life. I lived for a call. One call but most of the time mor like 5 or 6. We would talk until the sun came up. I have never had conversations that long. I loved her with everything that was in me and I honestly never thought that I could ever love anyone else. I was a sill love struck teenage girl who thought she had forever at her fingertips. We were 'engaged' which was a sill but thinking back on it I was really happy. I was content knowing that someone, somewhere actually loved me for who I was. She had never seen me in my entire life but I could just hear it in her voice that she loved me and that was enough. How easly I fell for her words, complete bliss.
To make a long story short, she broke my heart, I lingered for quite sometime and she managed to make a big enough impression on me that I even think about it at what is now 1:11 in the morning. I havent gone to bed yet (if you're wondering).
I always have my most inconvenient 'breakthroughs' either in the bathroom (odd I know) or really late at night. I tried to fall asleep but my eyes just didnt allow it.
Back to the point. I guess doing all of this thinking really makes me appreciate who I am now. I am very much in love with a girl that I had to work for a better relationship. We used to hate eachother (thats just another long story. If you want I can tell it but only if its requested. Probably wont be though :P). I guess having to work toward a relationship and really think about eachother and figure eachother out... not just another WHIM relationsihp I had gotten myself into. Its so real and its so good to have my feet planted into a steady ground.
I just cant bring myself back to that youngin' day thinking. Where love came so easily for many girls and then left so quickly that I just didnt know what to do with myself. One right after the other. BOOM BOOM BOOM! Like gun shots I just couldnt dodge the bullets.
But the one girl that didnt point her piece at me happened to be the missing piece in my puzzle of life. Its funny how you meet people and trust me I have met a lot of people. But I think the ones that you actually take the chance to dig deep and find that thing to love is the person worth while.
I love Myranda. With all of my heart. I couldnt have asked for anything better, and no matter how far behind me my mind gets I know that I can allways pop back into a realm where love comes with rice crispy treats and eskimo kisses.
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