A Mother's Perspective on Having an Abortion
Yes, you can all pummel me with the moral questions of my decision and call me the names that you will but it will not shake me from my decision. Its not an easy decision. I have gone back and forth with this for days. My hair is falling out. I start convulsing out of the blue. I wake up at night in a cold sweat. I have been having nightmares about the doctor's with their prodding eyes and grotesque surgical implements, they have horns, they laugh maniacally and when I awake I still hear their laughter ringing as I scream in horror as my innards are torn.
I know this is not the reality of what it will be like, but it is how I imagine abortion. I cant walk the streets. People. People they will always judge. They do not know that the father was a drunk and an addict. How could I tell a child that? That he beat me. That on that night... he was high... I told I didnt want to but he insisted. He hit me as I resisted. I cant have a life emerge out of such utter desolation and evil.
I am afraid to tell anyone. Not because I think its the wrong decision but because of people's ignorance and prejudice. I know after I tell them they will whisper "Slut. Should have worn a condom." Or all the deflating"What a fucking whore..." I know these attacks arent true but the slings of these arrows bore holes that pierce my soul. I did everything to stop it from happening. I tried to take his beatings but that night I couldnt. They dont understand what having an abortion means when you are the one having it. Its not a decision people take lightly. Its torture. Worse than being raped by him, and enduring his beatings. I wish the people wouldnt look at me like I did something wrong... If they were in my shoes they'd understand, But they refuse to see, because they dont know.
I've heard people say that God told them to oppose abortions. I was one of them. I've talked to God a lot. And I feel that its right. A child cannot endure the beatings that even I cannot. A child born into this home would die.
The bond a mother and her child shares is precious. I know, that this is best for my child, because this isnt a place for a child to grow up properly; to grow up to be somebody. I want that for my child, but that wont happen with things the way they are. Its been eating me up inside, I'm being torn to pieces by this, but abortion is the right choice and I am the mother, the only one who can make this choice as difficult as it may be.
People dont realize what having an abortion means. Its not a decision that is made by flipping a coin it is a gutwrenching decision that haunts mothers long after they have made the decision. Consider this before you throw your barbed remarks to tear at the already broken heart of a mother who must have an abortion.
Very good blog...but I think this might turn into some kind of chain effect, someone might (I hope not) repsond, like those annoying "Letters to/from the womb"
People can respond as they want. Its just sickening how people opposed to abortion always make the mother's out to be wretched and evil and make it like abortion is a choice made by flipping a coin or doing a ro sham bo. Its not its always a painfully tough decision.
Actually, those of us who condemn abortion as evil have this awful tendency of feeling compassion for the mother.
We wish that they had known about the safe houses, the support groups, even the individuals that would have taken them in.
We wish desperately that they had known that there could have been a child.
Those of us who hace seen those who have lived through an abortion pray for God to take the pain away and for them to realize that they are forgiven by Him, not condemned.
I completely agree to that. And of course, give the baby his or her life. Put the baby up for adoption. People would die to have a baby, and no matter what you feel like they think about you, it is way more likely they will thank you for giving them a life. No life deserves to be put off when God made them. He/she is way more than just a fetus. He is a human, a baby, uniquely designed by God. I am aware that it might be heart-rendering to have to give your baby up in a way that is unbearable to comprehend. I get it that handing a full life-form would be terrible if it was to the wrong person. But don't forget that there are couples trying so hard to have a baby, and that they will take so much care of that baby. They would not forget that he or she was given by God, and the baby will be in a good home. Go for adoption- not abortion!
thank you...
In this case, the unborn child would more likely be killed at the hands of his/her father, the mother's own father, due to the beatings or continued rape. There is no escape for a young girl in this situation, no safe house that protects her from her own father. If the treatment of this child (yes, child) is ignored by her own mother, teachers, church members, neighbors, and everyone else in the community, where does she have to go that is safe from being beat and raped by her father so that she can bear the unborn child safely into the world in order for it to be adopted? I agree that adoption is preferable over abortion but let's not ignore the reality of other people's lives.
~ Kayote
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however, take this into consideration. i agree that there are places to go. i agree that there are other options. i agree that there are thousands of people who cant have children and would love to be blessed by someone else's misfortune of not being able to provide for their own child...however, what if the father is a psycho? What if she decides that she wants to keep the baby or that she will carry it full term and then give it up for adoption, and 7 months later she endures the worst beating she's ever gotten??? The child would have no chance in a womb of a mother that is repeatedly beaten and raped. what if the father got so messed up one night on drugs or alcohol and decided he was going to give her an abortion himself?? all kinds of twisted, horrible things could happen before that baby is ever born. if the mother feels that the best way she could protect her child is by giving it back to God in the most humane way she can, then i feel that NO ONE has the right to give their negative imputs. Not that your imputs and opinions are negative, i'm just speaking in hypothetical terms. actually i completely see where you're coming from. there are many other options out there for women who cannot or do not want to raise their child. However, there are far too many messed up people in the world who are part of the reason why they do not want to have the baby.(the father for example) Even if she ran from this guy or called the police or whatever, there is always the possibility of him being more psychotic then anyone imagined. if she ran,or a women in her shoes ran, the father could potentially find her, kill her, beat her sensless, or other very horrible things. all of those hurting the baby in the end. i fully support any mother's decision to give their baby back to God if they are in a the same situation. If mother's to be feel this way, fear for their life and their child's life, do what you feel is best. Do what your heart tells you to do. and speak! speak up about the abuse, the torture, the pain of your decision. not everyone will judge you in a negative way. There are christians out there who do all they can to understand, forgive, and to help people in that type of situation. God forgives all, and understands all. Shouldnt people try to do the same in life?
This is kinda what she's talking about. Women know about these things when they make the decision. It's not like they make this type of decision without looking into options first.
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I personally am a "pro-lifer" but I don't sit there and make the mother to be a sick, twisted woman. I understand that that would be a very hard decision to kill your child. But there's always adoption as others have pointed out. And a lot of the time people say the father wasn't in the picture. But if you asked him, would he agree with killing the child? It's half his.
Abortion is always going to be a hot topic. If you don't want to have one, use protection, or just don't have sex. And don't always blame your boyfriend/boy toy - it takes two to tango.
(And I know, some people get raped, but the chance of getting pregnant is very slim)
I am a guy. I kinda debate whether the fetus should be half the man's property. Biologically speaking half of a fetus's DNA comes from the man and half from the woman, however, the guy isnt the one who is burdened with carrying a child whether it was wanted or not. Therefore, I kinda lean towards the woman having the choice of what to do with the baby. After all what do guys really get stuck with at the end? They pay some money to the mother. When the mother generally has to care for the child if it is born and the man would not.
"I am a guy."
lmao...that's all. Am I sick for thinking this is a really funny blog?
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The comments are funny. The blog is serious.
Yeah, interesting how you went from abortion, to religion, to tv shows, to squirrels, to bums, to you having to keep saying you're a guy, to beverages, to chicken...wow. It seems like you got your point across though, besides the "I'm so sorry for your baby" comments...awk-ward. :)
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Wow you really have a way of making me look like an idiot by pointing out everything that I say that is off-topic.
Half the mans property? Child or fetus, what ever you want to call it, it's not property.
Random yet insightful?
You are right property was the wrong word. But my point was who really has more say over a child/fetus? Man or woman?
Correction- they SOMETIMES pay some money to the mother. Not always. It gets worse than what you mentioned.
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If the father didn't agree to the abortion (not a child, a child is technically older than age two) would he be willing to carry the fetus? Could he do so? If not, than that idea is only as important as the mother chooses it to be.
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How can you even call someone a mother who kills their kid..?
Moms who lose their kids to car wrecks...are still mothers....Mothers who lose their kids to fucking guns...are still mothers....
Someone who goes to a doc and ask's them to remove their child.....is not a mother.......
I mean...are they not giving up that right???
and why the hell would they want to be called a mother even.....lol...
Probably because its a loaded word. Just Like killing babies are.
I agree with you. Anyone who goes to a doctor and asks them (not ask's, the word "ask" cannot be posessive) to remove their child has issues. Luckily for all of us, childhood doesn't begin until after age 2 and I've never heard of anyone trying to abort a 2 year old.
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Yes, I agree as far as the mother should not be scorned and thrown out of society, but if a mother has this so called "bond" with their child, I don't understand why they're willing to throw it away selfishly for their own benefit. It should still be considered murder, because you're taking the child's life in your hands. The least she could do is put it up for adoption and offer it a life outside of hers if her one concern is the harsh life that is to follow.
it is probrably true that abortions will mentaly harm the mother long after it is done. but people saying that all babies have the right to be born ARE RIGHT except in the cases where there is beating, rape or severe unstable home situations involved. especially if it is a case of a stranger raping a woman and she gets pregnant. to have to mother a child whose father is some creepy convict is just horribly wrong.... and it is true that the number of homeless children is rising fast and if you gave birth to the baby and stuck it in a home somewhere, the chances are it would live a very sad and cruel life and very great chances of never getting adopted. but although i support abortions under very rare circumstances... i still feel that if the mother of the child is in a very unstable home. then you can call the cops... the police may not always help you as they should but in that case it would be very easy to arrest the man for assault and battery to a woman. so the cops could defiinitly help the situation if you just called. but the best idea would be to get outta the house and find somewhere else to go. and if you cant go to a mother, father, brother, sister, any family member, or even a friend that would let you stay there while you try to raise the child or atleast get back on your feet then abortion does seem like the logical answer but only because it is far worse to destroy 2 lives and fill their lives with stress, hurt, anger, and hardship... than to SAVE 2 lives by letting the baby go before it gets hurt and tortured, and to also let the woman live her life without worrying about the baby, so she could just focus on herself and trying to get out of the bad situation. but i think everyone knows that abortion should be the absolute last chance decition when everything else you have tried has failed. because if there is even a slight chance that the baby could have a good life... its enough to let it live.
so the way i see it is... if the baby is just going to be slapped into a home somewhere where it will never get adopted, and there is no other option as to getting away from the current situation. then yes i do believe that abortion is a solid decition... if there is absolutely no chance of the baby living a normal, and pain-free life. because if a baby is born into that kind of environment, it has been proven that the baby will grow up grasping to those hostile conditions and take it to the next level once the baby is older.
Great perspective. Excellent blog. Thank you for putting it out there for others to read. Everyone else should not feel they have a choice as to whether a mother should be allowed to have an abortion or not, especially politicians who do not even know what the mothers are going through during the decision making process.
All too often people refuse to acknowledge the people that have to make these decisions. In the process of fighting for what we believe in we often forget of the real faces of humanity who get blind sided and ignored. These mother's have a horrible decision to make and a lot of times people callously ignore their feelings and simply call them whores when the dont know how hard that decision really is to make.
I concur.
My mother had me when she was seventeen! I thank GOD every day that she did not have an abortion. If you are pregnant then obviously GOD wants you to have this baby. What if Mary had had an abortion. Then we would all be headed for HELL! I am not going to judge you because I know that you have to be in a lot of pain! I have been molested before. I grew up in an abusive home. But think about what the baby would want! I am so glad that I had the choice of life! Did you see the last episode of HOUSE? Dr. House was going to abort the baby because it was killing the mother. The mother refused. In the end it was another Doctor that saved this babies life. Also, at the end of the show they had to do a fedus surgery. This is where they opened the stomach and performed heart surgery on the baby and then closed up the womb. When they got to the baby, a little hand poked it's way out and grabed one of Dr House's fingers. You could tell that this changed House's outlook on abortion, even though he denied it. At the very end of the show you saw that the baby had been born. He was the cutest little baby! Just think about what your baby would want!!! I am sorry that this has happened to you!
You know, not everyone believes in god or mary or hell, so what do you tell these women who are judged because they are doing what they think is best for them?
Regardless of if the woman believes in Christ, Heaven, Hell, Mary, etc. there is always the life of the child in mind. As far as I am concerned life begins with conception. Without that, life could never exist. Just think of the life of the child and what he/she will accomplish in their lifetime. For all we know, that child could cure Cancer, Alzheimer's, or HIV.
That's how I feel. Thank you for voicing it. :)
"I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people."
-Van Gogh
I don't want to burst your bubble, because I'd like to think that a kid born from our generation could, in fact, cure all those diseases (if anything to rub it in my parents' face that our generation accomplished something) but that child could also kill people or lead the sex trade or a sweatshop, or any number of equally awful offenses to society. And I imagine that in instances of rape, it may or may not be more likely for that child to become a criminal because his/her father was. This isn't logical or anything, but isn't there a demographic tendency for kids to become, or at least explore what their parents did and why?
The point that many pro-lifers seem to miss is that "as far as I am concerned" isn't a sufficient argument to justify making something illegal.
You have a religious belief (which, btw, isn't consitent with historical christian theology on the subject) that "life begins at conception." That's fine for you. But we don't make laws in this country based solely on the religious beliefs of some citizens. In fact, our Constitution rather specifically forbids us from doing so. Thus, if you want to press the issue of making abortions illegal, you need something more substatial than the purely subjective beiefs of your religion.
percivale
Or, they could become a murderer, rapist, terrorist, thief, or drug dealer.
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Don't condemn ME because of YOUR beliefs...
also, might I remind you that HOUSE is a TV show...
Hail The PitGodess!
Then you should not dare to condemn me for my beliefs. I and others who share my belief do not want to see the baby, or the MOTHER harmed.
Ya, duh it is a TV show. This is a means of communicating with other people. One takes a commonly known idea and uses it to identify more abstract ideas and give your imagination and mind an option for a conclusion to this kind of argument.
It also gets your rubber closer to the road. I could not say go bomb those people without having an idea of what that would do to what kind of people. All the same you can not say it is ok to kill them and never even look.
I dont mean any disrespect, but when you talk about God in such high regard and in the next sentence talk about a popular TV show, it kinda defeats the point you were trying to make.
"It also gets your rubber closer to the road."
What? I don't have a rubber, and if I did I surely wouldn't want it close to a road. It might get run over.
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1. What is "fedus surgery"?
2. House is a TV show. It isn't real.
3. If GOD wants you to have the baby, then why is it going against his will to have premarital sex?
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I think that there are certain situations like yours that it's ok to have an abortion. Forget about what the bible says... You have to what's best for you and that child!! If that means an abortion then that's what's best. At least you are doing it for the right reasons not the wrong ones like some women!!
I hope you can get out of the situation that you are in, because I've been abused before and I know that it sucks! Good luck in life... I hope all else goes well for you!! Keep your head up!
~Jennifer~ aka ~MommyOnAMission
You know that a) I am a guy. b) I wrote this to prove a point. c) To my knowledge guys cant have abortions.
This is simply the perspective of a mother. It could be true,but those people who like to judge everybody who has an abortion should think about this before they pass judgment. How do they know the mother doesnt have a situation like this? Abortion isnt taken lightly. And those that are critical of those who have abortions shouldnt act like people do take it lightly.
I agree. This type of decision can only be made on an individual basis because each person's best interests are different.
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You have to do what is in the BIBLE No matter What!!!!!!!!
"You have to do what is in the BIBLE No matter What!!!!!!!!"
Are you serious? Please tell me you're not serious...
"Education...is our best protection against
unreasoning prejudice and panic-making fear."
~President Franklin D. Roosevelt
I guess under the right circumstances its okay to rain fire on Sodomites then. And its okay to kill the first born children to prove a point.
Come on, there is a lot of the Bible that is written as analogies to give a moral message; so its NOT always to be taken literally.
WE know that, tell the kids who have next to no clue of what they are talking about, but they think they are an expert because they go to church or they "talked about it in class this one time" that. Or the irrational adults that...
P.S. You replied to the wrong comment :)
"Education...is our best protection against
unreasoning prejudice and panic-making fear."
~President Franklin D. Roosevelt
You know I'm not referring to you. You did quote what he said anyways. O well. Sorry, my bad.
I care... :(
Just kidding, I knew you didn't mean me, I was just being a stick in the mud... :)
I liked how everyone thought you were a female though, very funny.
"Education...is our best protection against
unreasoning prejudice and panic-making fear."
~President Franklin D. Roosevelt
I know.
Yeah, its classic. The old guy that everybody thinks is a girl gag. ha ha. I think anyone, who thought I was a girl's argument is basically destroyed because of this overcite. haha
Yeah, it's odd. You know because it was mentioned like 5 times, haha. People here are great they never cease to entertain me
"Education...is our best protection against
unreasoning prejudice and panic-making fear."
~President Franklin D. Roosevelt
I guess since the title is in first person it is kinda misleading, but thats why I put a sub-title and thats why I put my commentary in italics. O well, I guess I am just too subtle for some.
But you have your profile pic up for goodness sake! lol
"Education...is our best protection against
unreasoning prejudice and panic-making fear."
~President Franklin D. Roosevelt
A picture is a thousand words. ;)
I'm not the one to do it, but I hope someone run's in with all the
"Stone your mother if she wears colors"
Type quotes from the bible!
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
"So stuff that in your pipe and smoke it!"
::Stares::
::Arches eyebrows::
Ok. So what does the bible say about abortions? The same it does for divorces?
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Actually, it condones it. Babies weren't counted for the census until after the first year, and killing the firstborn was an acceptable act. .
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NOT EVERY ONE IS A CHRISTIAN!
"Dancers are instruments, like a piano the choreographer plays." ~George Balanchine
*Tatiana Romanov
Why? Nobody's making me. Maybe I'll write my own bible and do what it says.
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the bible was writen far after the supposed god had died so who is to say what he would have thougth in such a situation
Wow, this is interesting.
When did God die? So are you saying that the Bible's God did live? Isn't that God the same one as Allah, just known by a different name? If not, did you just admit that there was another god besides Allah? If you embrace the fact that they were one and the same, are you then saying that Allah died?
::giggles:: Sorries for picking at you. Religion is fun; religions are funny.
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According to that Bible-thingy God is currently alive. It might even say, "was and is and is to come."
The Bible was written in two main segments. The Old Testament (the big one) was written before God became man. It is a little hard to die when you are a spirit infinite and holy.
He's alive? Like Elvis?
God has left the building! Oh, wait. I take that back. He's omnipotent, so leaving might be a little hard to do.
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I think you should keep the baby.I know it will be hard, but life isn't easy. If you can't keep it then put it up for adoption. Please don't make an innocent life suffer for one man's mistake.
Um...you know the blogger is a dude right?
"Education...is our best protection against
unreasoning prejudice and panic-making fear."
~President Franklin D. Roosevelt
There are different types of suffering. Who's to say not having to know the world is worse than having to live in miserable conditions?
Would you actually go and live in an orphanage? Why would you want a child to?
Also, of course, the piece is fictional...
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Yeah, maybe I should say this again. I am a man. I dont carry babies. Just because I wrote a blog from the perspective of a pregnant mother doesnt mean I, myself (which I would like to restate, am in fact a man and thus am incapable of bearing children). There is a picture there and I'm pretty sure its fairly obvious although I realize some people skim read.
You dont' carry babies? Come on, man! Get with the times.
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If you feel so passionately about this, perhaps you should fund the pregnancy, pay for maternity clothes and time off work, and take care of the baby for 18 years.
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Abortion is a tough issue. I commend you for having the guts to talk about it in public. Rest assured I will not be doing any name calling or finger pointing. Although you may not think that the child should be born knowing his father was an addict and an alcoholic, the child might think otherwise. Perhaps you are not in a situation to raise the child. That is fine and perfectly understandable. I was adopted when I was young. For all I know I could have arisen from the same situation that your child would if you were to continue on with the pregnancy. I would strongly encourage you to pray about it. Even if you aren't a "Christian", (and I don't know if you are or aren't and I am not judging one way or the other) God will help you. This is a big decision, and I would hate for you to regret it in the future. Think what joy your child would bring to a family that is not able to have a child. This decision is yours to make, but please think of the child. Adoption is always an option. As far as those that point fingers and say things that shouldn't be said, what does it matter. They know not the situations in which your child was conceived. Let them judge. You know in your heart you did the right thing and God has mercy waiting. Thanks for your time and God Bless.
This is the funniest thing.
Almost everyone thinks that Daimler is pregnant and having an abortion.
I love it.
He's a guy.
The father is a Berkeley bum who talks to squirrels.
Damn Berkeley bums all unbathed and such. They really stink it up in here. I hate the word squirrels its so damn hard to spell correctly. errr...
Hard to spell, perhaps, but even harder to move. Those things are f-a-t in Berkeley, and not with a ph.
More bums should eat squirrels. They wouldnt have to beg as much.
There's a massive squirrel population here, mostly because students feed squirrels like, all the time, which makes them fat and happy enough to procreate excessively. Despite this, the squirrel population is allegedly balanced, likely due to limited space for winter hibernation and bums eating them. The real PETA is probably up in arms.
We have to save the cute rats!-PETA
Speaking of which, I read (in Parent's Press, of all sources-- don't worry, I get bored working at a baby store) that UC Berkeley's standards of care for research animals has improved dramatically since the 1980s. Now, while research rats suffer seventeen different kinds of cancer, they're kept in the Taj Mahal of confinement!
What a waste their going to die anyways. Its not like it makes a difference, death is still death. I think thats a nice thought and gesture by the researchers but they're going to die and that doesnt make that any less crappy.
I guess it's just for consistency's sake...
That counts for something, and I suppose in our minds it makes us feel better about what we put the rats through, because we make their lives as nice as possible.
I still have moral problems with actions that "make us feel better about what we put x through."
I'm still on the fence about this, but the same argument came up with one of my roommates over whether methods of execution in states with the death penalty really matter. Like, does it matter that Utah still offers death by firing squad, or that some southern states still offer the electric chair. Does it matter that lethal injection takes effect relatively slowly and implodes organs?
Granted, rats aren't usually dying in this research, but whatever.
I guess if we blow up a bunch of schools in the Middle East and then rebuild them better that makes everything better. At least thats how some people reason things. A lot of things like that are just bass akwards. Its a shame. The things people will do to sleep better at night.
I think everyone is so caught up in the whole debate that they forgot to read his confession about being manly.
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I am for prochoice. Its better to havean abortion than having babies being thrown in the dumpsters or given away. Do you just now how many children are in shelters and foster homes. How many babies where thrown in the dumpster. ABortion is all upt to you!
This was quite an amusing blog to read, not because of the topic, but because a guy chose to write this. However, I must say that it was quite convincing.
As to my opinion on abortion, I'm pro-choice. It makes me very angry that most girls would probably use this choice because they were stupid enough to have sex before marraige. But there are cases where the girl was raped or it means death for her to have the baby. Then, it would be better to get the abortion. But, we can't make a "pick-and-choose" law, because then, it is hard to draw the line as to what is rape and what is not. Therefore, although a right to abortion will be abused, it is better to have it than not.
Someone had to do it. Granted I had to get in touch with my feminine side, but hey it was alright, right?
"Did he rape you?"
"Yes, I clearly said 'No, dont stop.' "
FINALLY someone agrees with my EXACT reasoning on abortion. THANK YOU!!!
"Dancers are instruments, like a piano the choreographer plays." ~George Balanchine
*Tatiana Romanov
Wow--what an entertaining blog. Daimler, apparently you are a woman now whose husband talks to squirrels. :)
A teacher of mine brought up an interesting point about "pro-life," which I agree with. Shouldn't "pro-life" be changed to "pro-birth?" After all, pro-lifers only advocate children being born rather than aborted, but fail to address the up to 100 years of LIVING that follows just being born. For an unwanted child, these years can be hell--being born into a familiy that is unprepared, to a teenage mother or a parent who is addicted or otherwise ill-fit to parent, and just being unwanted does NOT often make for a good life.
If you're going to call yourself a "pro-lifer," you need to live up to your name. Don't just advocate unwanted children to be born only to abandon them in homes that can be as personally and emotionally lethal as aborting the child would have been physically.
So pro-lifers, instead of just saying "NO ABORTION!!!" and citing religious texts that had no idea of embryology when written, how about approaching the situation holistically through social / educational programs, etc.
Allison
"Be the change you want to see in the world" ~Mahatma Gandhi
I didn't say they were married.
Yeah I'm not down with that shit (marriage). I'm a swinger. ;)
THANK YOU!!! God! it's good to know that there are people who share my exact thoughts. now i wont have to feel so crazy at night because i haven't blindly jumped on to The Jesus Train of Cherry Picking....