There was a time when I was in high school that I dated a young lady. When we went out on dates I would pick her up and open the door to her front door for her. After I'd escort her to my jeep. Then I opened the door for her and held out my hand if she wanted assistance getting in. (I told her if I forgot to do that, she had to tell me, "Open the door for me stupid man.") When we went to theaters, I would open the door for her. I would always let her go first. After we got to her house at the end of the date, I'd open the door for her. I'd offer my hand, and then escort her to the door. These are personal examples of chivalry and being a gentleman.
It seems to me as if chivalry is dying. I feel flabbergasted when someone opens the door for me. Has everyone gotten so busy they can't even hold the door open for their elders? So many times people fly past these sweet fragile folks without a wink, right through a door. It takes a few minutes to let people through the door. It's the same thing with mothers and strollers. Unless they have the husband with them (and if the husband didn't open the door; he would be rightfully scorned), no one opens the door for them. What happened to this honorable way of life?
Could it be outdated? I'd be curious how a feminist would respond to this. Don't think for a moment I'm against feminist either. I'm just trying to imagine what they would think? Is chivalry too traditional? Does it make a women appear to be less strong and dependant if a man acts as a gentleman towards her? Perhaps it needs to be updated in terms of incorporating women into it. How would you go about such a task?
My personal opinion is that it should remain as is or be expanded upon. Separate from treatment of folks in public (which I believe involves everyone), I still believe in traditional dating and chivalry. I believe that men should treat women properly and with respect. Men should escort them, open doors, and give them kisses good night. However, that doesn't mean you have to do date me. Nor will you change my personal style of dating. Moving on though I'd like to make a general statement on chivalry.
People need to take a step back, take a look beyond their selves, and perhaps reconfigure themselves. People should take a moment to help others. Open a door for a mother with a stroller or a mature person. Stop letting the world run you ragged and take that few minutes to help someone. I reassure you, it's invigorating.
I think it goes both ways. It's okay for a girl to hold open the door for her boyfriend too. As for opening the doors for mothers and for the elderly, that's simply decency and respect and kindness. Maybe we have all become to busy with our lives that we neglect to do these small acts of kindness. Maybe some of the aspects of chivalry are outdated--I can open my own door thanks--but I think others are alive and well, in men and in women. I think people should just automatically open the door for others in certain circumstances. If someone's holding groceries, is right behind me, is very busy, etc., I would hold open the door. But I'm not going to hate anyone for not opening my door and I might take offense or be annoyed if someone consistently tried to open my door. I do have my own arms after all. They might not be as strong as yours, but they can certainly open doors! When a boy consistently does that and insists its chivalry, it makes me feel like there's a significant distinction between male and female and makes me feel... is subservient the right word? I don't want to be a delicate flower. I like it when guys look at me with respect and while it's nice that you open my doors once in a while when my hands are full, I'm going to get impatient waiting for you to come to my side of the car and escort me out.
You aren't disagreeing with me necessarily(At least I don't perceive it that way). In your case, if I knew you I'd just let you open your own door unless the situation required it. Plus it just means I probably wouldn't date you. Just because our difference of opinion might frustrate both of us haha. Thanks for the comment :)
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"As for me, all I know is that I know nothing."-Socrates
"Better to illuminate than merely to shine, to deliver to others contemplated truths than merely to
contemplate."- Saint Thomas Aquinas
As a feminist, I have no problem with chivalry provided that:
a) It is not limited to males - everyone should act chivalrous, and
b) you're not treating women with chivalry due to thinking they're weaker and in more need of protection, etc, but rather out of respect to mothers, or your girlfriend, or simply to help out someone who happens to be female.
Both points make sense to me. Your second point I agree with as well. I don't do it because I look down on ladies. I do it because I respect them. Thanks for your input.
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"As for me, all I know is that I know nothing."-Socrates
"Better to illuminate than merely to shine, to deliver to others contemplated truths than merely to
contemplate."- Saint Thomas Aquinas
It seems ridiculous to me that some feminists are offended by chivalry. What's wrong with basic politeness?
Personally, I think people often open doors and help eachother out regularly. I don't think of it as chivalry as much as just being polite. As far as "chivalry" goes, there has been a lot of talk about its relationship to feminism. I think they go hand in hand, and with the feminist movement wanting equality, it doesn't work out if they are still completely treated differently. If a feminist were to insist on chivalry, I'd think it'd be like she wanted to have her cake and eat it too.
It must depend on the area you live in. I know him my home town, it wasn't as rare an event. As for the latter part I agree for the most part. It depends on the type of feminist.
Thanks for your comment.
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"As for me, all I know is that I know nothing."-Socrates
"Better to illuminate than merely to shine, to deliver to others contemplated truths than merely to
contemplate."- Saint Thomas Aquinas
That's why chivalry shouldn't be a male thing. :)
I used to be offended by the act of a guy opening the door. I felt like 'my arms aren't broken, I can do it myself." but, after dating a few gentleman, its grown on me.
Young women also ought to hold the door open for their elders, although, she should certainly not race an older gentleman for the door, and should instead accept his white-knight attitude with a thank you and a wide smile.
Many women will be offended at first by a date who holds doors open for them, which gets some out of the habit, but if sticks to his guns, most come around, and eventually appreciate it.
"I will greet this day with love, and I will succeed!"--Og Mandino
Your comment intrigues me. It's good to see a response like yours. I don't know much else to say other than thank you for commenting :)
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"As for me, all I know is that I know nothing."-Socrates
"Better to illuminate than merely to shine, to deliver to others contemplated truths than merely to
contemplate."- Saint Thomas Aquinas
Chivarlry is all well and good, but I think girls should probably apply some of the same principles on a date. If she reaches a door first, she should hold it for her boyfriend. Also, chivalry shouldn't be limited to just people on dates. It'd be nice to see such behavior from strangers as well.
I think that it is kinda nice when a guy acts like a gentleman. I have had boyfriends who don't open doors for me, they didn't let me go into a building first, none of that. Now I have a boyfriend who always opens the car door, he opens the door to any building we go into, lets me go in first, and he walks me to my door when he takes me home. I like it when he does things like that. It makes me feel like he cares about me and he does it out of respect. He has never done anything that makes me think he's not a gentleman.
I got used to doing everything myself thinking that if a guy did it for me, it would make me look weak. Now I don't really mind him doing little things like that for me. But when he starts pulling out my chair for me, I might have to say something.
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*Keep the pictures, they never change, but the people in them do.*