5/25/07?
I have this problem.
I'm learning all about it.
Apparently, I'm a person.
Yep, with feelings, thoughts, and emotions
It's like I've just now learned how they drive my behavior
and are steered by MY version
of reality.
To make this matter worse,
People treat me and view me
as though I'm just a dumb little girl.
Sometimes, I still act like it too...
when I get mad,
I throw myself on the ground and kick and scream and demand
to have things my way
because I want it to be that way, DANG IT!
Then, I realize I just did all that...
inside my head.
Then, I calmly stare ahead and walk away
from the event that has angered me that day
To make matters worse,
I'm a Native American
and that comes with its own set of unique problems and issues to resolve
mostly with my self
and the constant battle to protect my identity from harm.
No other kind of woman in this world
deals with the same kind of problems as me.
But that is kool with me...
It is what makes me unique.
It just means that you're different from me.
The only thing that bugs me is when you don't understand me
or even try to see the world as I see it...
All of my life
has been spent deciphering your philosopher's meanings
your history of battles and heroes
While you have never once learned
or appreciated the same things about my people.
Native people were philosophers and warriors too.
We were scientists, botanists, engineers, and doctors too.
How come I have to learn so much about you and your people
when you have no desire to learn about me and my people?
Then again, I can do one of two things
when thinking about my diagnosis of problems.
I can shrink
I can fail
I can fail to overcome
I can cry
I can deny
I can displace
I can draw
I can run away
I can dance
Ok, so maybe I can do more than one thing to deal with a problem faced
But I do know this
As long as I deal with things
POSITIVELY
and not be weak,
I can do almost
ANYTHING
Especially things that test me in so many ways of
thinking,
acting, and
doing
I always liked to think that I was strong
enough to handle ANYTHING.
So I guess we'll see
because if I am made this way
it is for a reason
that may really suck as I have to be prepared for what may begin to happen to me or others around me.
I hate to think that way
but I do
for a reason of course.
It was a little over a hundred years ago
when Native people were gunned down
their homes and possessions were burned
their children murdered in mind, body, and soul
and sickness befell Natives of all ages.
And still, some held on strong
to the Native ways
and that is why I give thanks every day
and have always been prepared for the worst.
I guess that is why I'm always...
trying to connect with everyone and everything around me.
When I die, I want to become a part of those people and things I've bonded to
to help them
to teach
because
I feel like I may have to die before anyone will truly listen to me.
Sad, huh?
Hope it ain't true
Hope its just paranoid schizotypal craziness
But looking back on this country's history and its blatant ignoring of cruelty towards my race
I can't help but think that my ancestors died for
the words I speak from my heart
So you people could go on ignoring me and the suffering of my race.
Maybe when all of the Native people are dead
You will finally understand.
~dRinKinG~
Results may vary
according to body chemistry
current mood state
anticipated reactions
and from person to person.
Some of us are already happy people
who regard life positively
With optimism and hope inside.
Some of us have been abused by our parents.
Some of us have been loved and cherished
adored and valued.
Some of us are like trash and
discarded.
So, when some of us drink
it's only natural
that those of us who are good people
can drink to have fun and nothing goes wrong
and it is only natural
that those who perpetuate life in a negative cycle
drink to get totally blacked out
and lose all control of themselves
and forget who they are
as they may get behind the wheel of a car
or harm someone they may love.
When a person doesn't know who they are inside
and don't love themselves
or accept themselves for who they are
it can only spell harm
when drinking is involved.
