Okay...so this is probably something I wouldn't normally talk about, and you might not think its progressive, but I find it debatable. Also, I'm really sorry if I get too personal, or if this is offensive...feel free to stop reading is all I can say.
I am young, so I'm not very experienced in the actual practice, but I think my mind, just like any other teenager's, is in tuned with the topic of sex. I guess I have created a lot of theories for myself pertaining to this, and I just wanted to know what everybody else's opinions on it are. I'm sure many of you have set standards for yourselves....some people may believe abstinence until marriage is the way to go and others might think that a healthy sex life is vital, or the more the merrier. My opinions and standards for myself aren't really set in stone...I find myself caught between multiple views.
In ways, I think that holding back sexual desires can be unhealthy, just like it is unhealthy to suppress emotion for long periods of time. I have heard that sex is good stress relief, and that it can even improve performance in situations that make people nervous, like giving speeches for example. It also just makes sense that holding back a natural desire that has a purpose isn't good for you. It makes me wonder if piling up these feelings just to stick to the standards set for yourself is worth it.
On the other hand, I understand the dangers of sex when unprotected against STDs and/or when too young to handle the possibility of becoming pregnant. There are many ads directed at teens that suggest abstinence....or "Safe sex through the use of condoms!" Well if I could choose one of those it would be the latter! But is that truly what is safe? Most parents dont want their kids having sex at all, but it seems like these days society has started to give up on keeping kids off each other, and instead has done its best to suggest the safest form of doing the deed. So my question is what is the right thing for teens? No sex or safe sex?
Of course, I have also heard of people who don't think sex is all that important. That surviving without it is worth it to find the right person. So maybe somebody chooses the suppression path, and all is fine. Certainly they can survive, I mean, there are other ways of satisfying those needs. But wait, then you read something about masturbation being a bad thing! Seriously, when I was 13, I read some book my friend had on growing up or whatever and it said that you shouldn't masturbate because it makes you think of inappropriate things. So what now? Is the answer to just remind yourself when you are aroused that Mr./Miss Right may be waiting for you, maybe in a couple months or maybe in 20 years, and to hold off? I have to say, this seems a little ridiculous.
That makes me wonder....what is inappropriate to think about? I am well aware that some people have psychological problems with sexual desire, like issues with fetishes or pedophilia that are abnormal. But when it comes to dirty thoughts, where do you draw the line on what is wrong and what is right? I do think that many of my questions pertain to personal preference, but I can't help but wonder if I am a bad person for being the "open minded" type. Like I have no problem with people who are "kinky" or whatever. I don't know if that makes me a "bad girl." I know people who I wouldn't dare admit that to, and I know people who would give me a high five and props for having an open mind. Here's a controversial question: Is having a threesome a normal/healthy fantasy? I have heard people accuse it of being an unnatural and sinful act of homosexuality and people who find it to be a healthy and adventurous way of spicing up the life in the bedroom. Maybe the people I hang out with are a little too crazy, but I don't see the problem with it, in fact I'm even open to it. I mean if each partner is okay with it and doesn't have jealousy issues.
What is basically bothering me is my lack of a solid opinion, because I don't directly understand what is right and what is wrong in this area. I don't know if my actions in the past have been wrong, for being a teenager that is, or if they are just natural. Not your typical blog, I'll admit, but people have been asking for something new!
you seem to come from an interesting background. Judging by this you seem to be a smart girl and whoever ends up inside you will have a good head on their shoulder's.
I hope that comment was ok.
Has everyone lost their fucking minds? http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/simmons
Thanks. Nothing wrong with this comment!
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I can read you are well informed about the topic you brought up, I guess all teens are caught up when it boils down to engaging or expressing their sexuality.
It’s important to “always” remain in control of your “temple”, alcohol and drugs are the best recipe to lose control over your own personal free will.
So, to reduce chances of ending up with an emotional hangover it is important to avoid intimacy while under influence or with a partner that is.
“So my question is what is the right thing for teens? No sex or safe sex?”
No one can answer this question better than yourself, there is no scenario other than the one you create for yourself. Just like yourself, every individual upon this globe you might come across is different.
“Surviving without it is worth it to find the right person”.
This depends on what you are seeking in a partner. If you fall in love after five seconds of communication, you are set to find yourself upon a path of trouble, lol.
The right person is what you have to become yourself in order to recognize one along the way.
In order to become one, it’s important to work on your own self-love, if you don’t love yourself, many boys will most likely see (like) you for sex only. Confusion will arise from that which will push you even deeper were you don’t which to be.
To keep your self-esteem strong is important to help you to deal with hurt and losers you might cross along the ride.
“Masturbation being a bad thing!”
For various reasons religion loves to control ones thoughts around sexuality, masturbation is a mind opener, it brings one closer to his/her true self.
Nothing wrong with masturbation.
“Is having a threesome a normal/healthy fantasy?”
There is a wide emotional difference between fantasy and the real itself.
Again this is something individuals need to figure out for themselves, to remain in control (no = no) is the only thing which matters when it boils down to sexuality.
Listen to others, "but" make up your own mind, listen to your own thought and intuition while proceeding with common sense in order to avoid hurt.
It is said,
I like this advice. Are you suggesting that having the fantasy is okay but engaging in the fantasy may or may not be depending on one's personally set standards for themselves?
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Somehow it’s important to understand some realities around sexuality.
There is nothing wrong with fantasy, it is fantasy which is causing hornyness to manifest itself. Still, we are all different and therefore it is important to realize, your fantasy might easily be misinterpreted or misunderstood by another.
Males are not very communicative when it boils down to sex, they mostly linger in a mind state which is solely focused upon the act itself. Because of this, mental or physical hurt is never far away a reality for females who seek sexual affection (attention).
It is the lack of sexual guidance (education) which for ages causes an unbalance between males and females. Religious structures which practice worship are at the very root for this unbalance to remain an annoying reality. In order to break this unbalance a mother should be allowed to sexually educate her offspring regardless of gender. It is clear this is still a taboo which is not being deled with.
To understand more about sexuality, the link below is a mighty fine projection which might bring some answers (awareness) to some of the questions you might carry inside.
Like I said before, avoid any substances which might make you to become an easy prey for others to abuse from! Most boys regardless of how they approach you, will only see a prey in you! The better a female controls this (reality) aspect in life, the better sexuality she will experience upon the way.
To hit a wall once in a while is mostly unavoidable, to deal with this, is to accept it took place, learn from it, and more important “GET OVER IT!”
Some males find pleasure into breaking down self-esteem of females, because they carry sexual frustrations within they find joy to humiliate females. When coming across an individual like this, to fight your way out of this relation should become a priority.
Appreciate yourself for who you are and stick to your own whishes, always...
It is said,
Serpents Egg – The Host of Seraphim
"Because of this, mental or physical hurt is never far away a reality for females who seek sexual affection (attention)."
I don't think it is healthy to seek sexual affection from anybody unless it is a serious relationship. I don't get hurt because I don't have attachments...in other words....one night stands have no emotional effect on me. Also, I wouldn't say that every female is suseptible to being hurt. I think females who have sex but are actually looking for something else get hurt this way.
"Most boys regardless of how they approach you, will only see a prey in you!"
And I wouldn't fool around with a guy like this unless I only saw a prey in him too.
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Hey...
Your comments are very sound and interesting... I admit that it seems the norm to refrain to talk about sex and what we "really" like and don't.... I think they are perfectly appropriate and valuable.
I think in a way we have abandoned many of our natural ways of living and we tend to adhere to norms that maybe are outdated. Abstinence is an invention that some people came up for very particular reasons... but obviously is a fairly drastic way to deal with our inner nature. Like fasting... I admit that you may fast of some time if you like one or two days ... but then after that it has fairly "unpleasant" consequences... Well sex being the main force of human persistence in the planet is a very important and substantial part of ourselves ... This does not mean that we wouldnt' be selective with whom we relate... and go about ... not too much different of who do we choose as our best friends ...
So i thought i would put my cent in with the others
Okay to me sex is fine, it is a stress reliever
it is quiet heatlhy for people in a relationship or a mutual understanding to have sex
but there will always be rules that people (or guidelines if you will) that make sex understandable and not dangerous.
People should know thier partner, know them from others
"do they have diseases"
"How Long have i honestly know them"
all questions one should ask.
I also agree with Wombels
that people shouldn't be under the influence
watch Knocked Up for reasons why.
It just turns out bad...
I think there should be an age limit but this is where people always differ.
I say 17 ( South Park law)
I recently read on Yahoo!Answers about some kid having sex at 13 and catching an std from another 13 year old
This to me is well... sick... it makes me nervous to think that people that young do it.
Now im a guy so i might just be in the wrong here but those are some of the guidelines i follow
Now for the threesome it is normal, to fantasize about anything, what you do is your decision and personally i wouldn't really care (unless it was a little to freaky)
Though it is all up to the one having sex how far and how much they are willing to do.
If it is behind closed doors than i don't want to know..(my philosophy)
Hoped this helped from one Teenager to another.
have a nice day :-)
Saint O Nothin' Says
Always go FORWARD, going straight will get you no where!
-Greenday
I agree with that logic. I think that sometimes its a bad idea, but that doesn't mean you have to hold yourself to a benchmark like abstinence. And yeah, 13s a little young....its believable and thats whats terrible about it
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Yeah im scared because my little sister is about to enter middle school
i mean middle school
wtf!
Saint O Nothin' Says
Always go FORWARD, going straight will get you no where!
-Greenday
I don't think it will be hard for her to make the right decisions if she has the same morals and respect for her self as you seem to value. It all kind of depends on who she is hanging out around. I think kids are really thinking more about the consequences of their actions these days.
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Well thank you
and i think she has better morals than me to be honest. :)
and this makes me happy
but i do, do my part
I flame anyone who talks about that kind of stuff in a good manner at school, anywhere really, just trying to get people to understand that waiting until the body is at least really ready is a great thing and at least beneficial.
Saint O Nothin' Says
Always go FORWARD, going straight will get you no where!
-Greenday