Graduating from highschool was not what I expected.
I didn't expect to fall "in love" again, but I did.
I didn't expect to fall short of a perfect student, but my God I did.
I didn't even think I'd lose a lot of my friends to drugs, alcohol, but I did, and for a while, I lost myself there too.
My boyfriend held an ultamadom, (sp? I'm not perfect....), and I stopped that stupid obsession with what seemed to make me fit in more.
Did I expect to get pregnant at 18 and feel like I was "the talk of the town", No I didn't. But it's highschool, what do you expect?
And that's the truth, what do you expect in highschool, and even harder, what do you accept?
Should you just expect that highschool will be filled with drama, and a whole bunch of clics?
Should you just expect that they're just "seeking attention" when someone wants to kill themselves because they're just "over dramatic"?
The answers that you're searching for in your mind should be no. We shouldn't expect highschool to be full of drama and teenage suicide and bullies, we should not. And we should not just accept it, which is just too hard to say I almost choke. What have we let highschool get too?
Yes, I'm young. Eighteen and just now taking my first few steps out of highschool, I know. I know I haven't fully "lived" yet, I haven't "experienced", believe me, I've been told more times than just one that I need to stop having such strong feelings on how the world is, but I can't.
I can't.
I've lost friends, to what seems to be this ever growing obsession with making yourself look stupid on the weekends with drugs and alcohol.
I've not lost them physically no, but mentally yes. And you'd think that mentally would be better than physically, but it's not.
Being forced to see that their lives are getting no where, that they're looking more un healthy with each passing stupid weekend, takes a toll on those who have to watch from the outside. Knowing that theirs nothing really to do but let them do what them want.
Sure I can, "step up" and talk to them about it. But honestly, what's one person to do when they all consider themselves better than you, and won't listen to what you say. They love you, yes, and they know what your saying, yes, but honestly, people who don't WANT to change, don't admit what they're doing is wrong, and with that, crudly turn the one who's trying to help them away.
Seeing this, living this, makes me wish that weekends don't exist.
But hey, what do you expect me to do?
accept that I feel I can do nothing...
-JamieSuli (overly confident in thinking I'm not so perfect)
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