Quite often we are encouraged by “professionals” not to spank our children, too often we are told that such is abusive. I intend to raise my children by the rod. My grandmother, having raised 3 children and 8 grandchildren, began her healthy dole of spankings when her children were still infantile. “Why would anyone spank so young a child?” Because the effective use of punishment must begin and correspond with the first acts of disobedient or unacceptable behavior. “You mean you believe that a baby can act inappropriately?” Yes. Granted, any “infraction” would be almost exclusively unintentional, but still, there must be some measures taken to ensure that those behaviors are demonstrated to the child to be wrong. The more children are not spanked is demonstrated in the plethora of young adults today with no sense of boundary or personal responsibility.
Spanking is not bad. It is not evil. It is a very well established, highly effective form of behavior modification. Please read carefully, I am not advocating the utter abuse and destruction of a child. Spanking hurts for a moment, and if done properly should leave nary a mark. Also, as a rule of thumb, I would encourage parents to follow these guidelines when punishing their momentarily unruly children: (1) If the child is misbehaving in public, attempt to settle the child without spanking him, alerting the toddler that when you reach a place more private he can anticipate that spanking (make sure to follow through).
(2) If the child continues, spank the child. Keep in mind that no more than 5 swats is truly necessary. After 5 swats, I would suggest the removal of the child, even if it means forfeiting pride or convenience.
(3)In all other circumstances, it is best to spank the child from a place of calm, not as a means of cathartic retribution, but as a means by which to demonstrate disapproval.
(4) Embrace the child and tell them you love them after they have been spanked.
Spank your children. Sparing them from such discipline will only yield unruly children. I have spanked children whom I have taught in bible class, and not at all to the chagrin of their parents. Parents who care spank.
"Professionals" are concerned with the emotional wellbeing of the children spanked, but it is this preocupation with the "stability" and emotional wellbeing that has caused such an egocentric generation hither no one is responsible for their own malefaction. Spanking is healthy and absolutely essential to the proper rearing of our young.
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I agree with you a lot. Though I wished you would have written more on this topic because it is a very different type of blog and interesting spanking is okay! Spanking is a great reinforcement and teaches children early. It is also very embarrassing even if it is in private. I think professionals that despise spankings think this leaves an emotional effect on the individual but most children 4get just about all there spanking when they of some age. I don't think they understand you can whoop your child without hurrting them.
Spanking is the time-proven method for discipline. As a Christian fundamentalist, I would have to say that not spanking a child is the real crime.
I was spanked as a child and in my mind I feel like it was excess but that was because I was mall when it happened and when you are little you memory sees more than what is accurate. Years later after seeing some kids I think that spanking is still a good form of behavior modification in children. I remember this new report from over a year ago about an unruly girl that they have on video throwing books at a teacher, standing on a table and not listening to school administrators. She finally calmed down when the school police came in the room and then they handcuffed her, she was may be 6 or 7. The first thing I thought when I saw that tape on the news is that that girl hasn't seen a spanking before.
Many of the reasons I am a well acting member of my community is because my daddy spanked me and put the fear of him in my mind. I never talked back to a teacher, I was always polite and courteous and I wasn't sleeping around with any boys when I was in high school. I didn't feel ready and I felt that my dad would whooped me (even though he hadn't spanked me for years) if I messed up my life like that. He basically taught we the whole idea of you have freedom to do things but that could mean you would get punished.
For once, I agree with you. Though I don't like this point: (4) Embrace the child and tell them you love them after they have been spanked. The child should not be comforted immediately after they get punished. Perhaps a few hours later you express love, but disapproval should reign in the meantime.
~C
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...though I think that one has to very carefully distinguish between spanking and beating one's child. If you have tried other options, and the child simply isn't responsive to less physical forms of discipline, and can perfom the punishment in a positive manner, then I think it is a valid tool to teach your child. But if you are spanking them just because it is easier or takes less time, or especially if you are striking your child in anger, then you've crossed over the line and into the realm of physical abuse.
I do have to say though, ltmitchell, I am hesitant to take your words in this blog at face value...
I'd be delighted...
Submitted by ljmitchell on Mon, 05/14/2007 - 9:18am.
were we to execute unrully children, of course that was the mosaic law, which according to Gal 3:23-26 was simply a school master to bring us to Christ. I don't see any of those things as harmful, so i'd be inclined to embrace them.
http://www.progressiveu.org/190000-a-woman-s-place-is-in-reverent-submis...
Knowing that you have said something like this, it is difficult to believe that your attitude in this blog is completely honest, or that you really have the best interests of any kids that might end up in your care at heart.
percivale
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"Vi Veri Vniversum Vivus Vici." ~ V.
I was spanked *once* in my life (aside from birthdays, which doesn't count), and whether or not it was effective--I think my parents were more upset about it than I was-- I think it's a bit of a stretch to say that not spanking children will ONLY yield unruly ones.
I was much more well-behaved than my sisters and my classmates, probably for other reasons but nevertheless not unruly.
There are probably times when spanking or other corrective action is warranted, but when used sparingly makes the prospect much more daunting and encourages better behavior. I think there are other ways to discipline a child that may be equally or more effective, but since I am not a parent I can't tell you how to execute them.
You'd have to ask my parents. I seemed to have turned out okay.
I dont see a problem with spanking, but you know as always you have to draw the line somewhere. I remember I was spanked once when I was little for doing something I knew I wasn't supposed to do, and I never did it again. I suppose it depends on the child because you can spank them until the cows come home and they won't learn. But you make a few good points, you should write more blogs not dealing with relgion more often I think :)
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"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."~MPATHG
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/npsm18
Generally, I could agree with you. But spanking an infant is just a no go for me. Telling a baby no, removing them from the situation, etc is, to me, a lot more effective than spanking them.
"If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them." Isaac Asimov
"Fight for your opinions, but do not believe that they contain the whole truth, or the only truth." Charles Dana
...is that the same tactics always work the same way for all children, and that simply isn't so. Kids are just as complex and varied as adults, and not all of them respond the same way to various forms of discipline.
percivale
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"Vi Veri Vniversum Vivus Vici." ~ V.
You are so right. My three boys all had different discipline,and they are all so different today. My children's friends always say that they are nothing alike, and that they don't believe they are related because they are so different.
MV, Have a GREAT day!
As my friend said when we discussed the issue, he believes that very young children might feel guilty and amend their behavior if scolded, but when children gradually grow up and start realizing that scolding won't really hurt them, then spanking becomes a more useful form of punishment. So yes, infants/toddlers don't really have a call to be spanked seriously, but children sometimes do. Myself being spanked was a humbling experience that actually brought me to my senses though I resented it in the moment. Because children can't really be guided by sense, sometimes it takes a little physical pain to remind them of keeping their behavior in line.
As a child, I was constantly spanked, forced to write lines, and do outrageous amounts of cleaning.
Personally, I found it to breed nothing but contempt for my step-father. I hate the man to this day and I've not been spanked since I was 9.
Nicholas Aden
but I have some disagreements. I firmly believe in spanking. I believe spanking does more good than harm. Not spanking a child wont lead to a bad child/person for sure, but it definitely increases the chances. I love your four rules of thumb. They are great guidelines.
The only part I disagree with you on, is the spanking of babies. I believe this to be unnecessary, and in affective. I believe it to be unfair when they do not understand. Once they are nearing the age of two and they can understand, then spanking is understandable, but it should not be your first option. Talking to the children and explaining to them that it is bad and why it is bad is most important. Second most important is dealing out a punishment that fits the crime. If they throw something make them pick it up. If they do not, thenspank them, and then make them pick it up. Obviously, as they get a lil older, and they already understand, the explaining is not so important, but it is extremely important with babies and toddlers.
I'm very surprised to see so many people agree with you on this. I'm very glad though.
I am a single parent of three boys, and I believe that spanking is necessary; however, the spanking I am talking about is just enough impact and hurt to catch the child's attention. I learned through my years of raising my children that when they are over the age of two, then spankings (my definition) works great! Once they started school I stopped spanking them because my theory was that they now had a brain between their ears, no pun intended, and they could now deal with a punishment. I would give them tedious chores to do so they could ponder on the action that got them there. The kids would, of course, have attitude and pout, but during the punishment would constantly be observant for body language that would tell me that they may have learned their lesson. I would ask them periodically "are you better now", "why are you having to do this chore", and they would either say yes with a good attitude or no with a bad attitude depending on if they had learned their lesson or not. One would think that they would learn and say yes with a good attitude every time, but they don't because that is how our minds works, if we think we deserve it we punish ourselves worse then anyone else would. I just used their own minds to teach them a lesson, and that is how I now have three boys ages 23, 22 and 17 that make me proud. The oldest is married now for 3 years, the 22 year old is in college and the 17 year old started college at 16. None drink, never had the desire to, they have tried sneaking out of the house, they don't smoke, don't stay out late, don't talk back or disrespect me, the 22 and 17 year olds live with me still and they love hanging out with me. They are not womanizers nor are they disrespectful of others or themselves.
Spanking is only an effective mode of behavior modification if the "rules" and method of execution are exact. Too much force=abuse, not enough=not effective. Spanking is simply one way to attempt to punish children. There are many other easier ways to punish children. Spanking is not the only way to modify behavior. And in the long run, whether you spank your child or discipline them some other way, they are going to turn out normal. The only time children don't turn out normal is when discipline is completely lacking, or a child is disciplined too excessively. But by no means is not spanking a child the equivalent to "not caring".
Sparing them from such discipline will only yield unruly children.
Oh really? Then please tell me, how have my parents managed to raise six extremely well-behaved and polite children, with barely any punishment of ANY kind (yes, including loss of privileges)?
Hitting a child is never, ever necessary. A parent who raises their child correctly should never find himself or herself resorting to physical violence.
...in the relevant pschological literature.
> Hitting a child is never, ever necessary.
> A parent who raises their child correctly
> should never find himself or herself
> resorting to physical violence.
According to this article published by the American Psychological Association...
"The evidence presented in the meta-analysis does not justify a blanket injunction against mild to moderate disciplinary spanking," conclude Baumrind and her team. Baumrind et al. also conclude that "a high association between corporal punishment and physical abuse is not evidence that mild or moderate corporal punishment increases the risk of abuse."
http://www.apa.org/releases/spanking.html
The key to the issue seems to be the frequency and intensity of the punishment. In my experience, an occasional "pop" on the behind can be an effective way to focus the attention of a child who is acting out and can reinforce the authority of the parent. At the same time, however, I think that the kind of beatings that I received when I was a child (dozens of stripes with a leather strap or hickory switch) was probably counter-productive.
percivale
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"Vi Veri Vniversum Vivus Vici." ~ V.
I never claimed it was not effective. Abuse is also very effective, it doesn't mean that it's okay.
If the practice is effective, and if it produces the desired results without causing any actual harm to the child (which seems to be the case of "mild to moderate" corporal punishment), then what's you beef? I'm not suggesting snatching up the neareast baseball bat and bashing your child into a bloody heap, but I think that anyone with any acutal experience in child raising will tell you that some kids simply don't respond to "the corner" and similar techniques.
percivale
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"Vi Veri Vniversum Vivus Vici." ~ V.
Violence is never okay. Hitting someone = violence. And it CAN cause harm to the child, what about the psychological effects?
Hitting someone does not "equal" violence.
vi·o·lence
n.
1. Physical force exerted for the purpose of violating, damaging, or abusing: crimes of violence.
2. The act or an instance of violent action or behavior.
3. Intensity or severity, as in natural phenomena; untamed force: the violence of a tornado.
4. Abusive or unjust exercise of power.
5. Abuse or injury to meaning, content, or intent: do violence to a text.
6. Vehemence of feeling or expression; fervor.
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/violence
Hitting someone can equal violence, but as you can see in the definitons above, to be accurately applied the term usually includes an additional negative element. My experience with raising young children is not insignificant (though I don't have any of my own, I do spend a lot of time as a caregiver for the children of my family and friends), and to suggest that any parent who spanks his or her kid is trying "to abuse" them is a rather gross misrepresentation.
And, saying that spanking a child (and frankly, your use of the term "hitting" seems to be intended to imply a more abusive action that what we are talking about) "can" cause emotional harm is essentially meaningless, since it "can" have positive effects as well. Also (and this is what I was pointing out in the APA article that I cited above), the act of spanking is not in an of itself the necessary cause of the kinds of psychological problems that are often associated with abuse.
Did you read the article which I cited?
But, Gershoff also cautions that her findings do not imply that all children who experience corporal punishment turn out to be aggressive or delinquent. A variety of situational factors, such as the parent/child relationship, can moderate the effects of corporal punishment. Furthermore, studying the true effects of corporal punishment requires drawing a boundary line between punishment and abuse. This is a difficult thing to do, especially when relying on parents' self-reports of their discipline tactics and interpretations of normative punishment.
http://www.apa.org/releases/spanking.html
Honestly, it doesn't sound like you have pretty extreme viewpoint about what constitutes "punishment" and what constitutes "abuse."
On a purely anecdotal level, I know a LOT of parents, and since I really like kids, I tend to spend a lot of time watching the way that they parent. Most of the parents that I know tend towards the "spanking is always wrong" camp, and their kids are consistently the least focused, hardest to control and the most likely to act out. The parents that use spanking sparingly however, seem to have the best behaved, most polite and in general the happiest kids I know. I don't really know any parents that ABUSE their kids, and if I did, they wouldn't have their kids very long, anyway.
percivale
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"Vi Veri Vniversum Vivus Vici." ~ V.
I was spanked and whipped, as were my brothers. I can assure you, we have no psychological damages from it. I love my parents and love being with them. I also was friends with this girl who parents did not spank her or anything like that and she was so spoiled and showed so much disrespect to her parents. Im not saying its an either or situation, but spanking your kids for punishment has been done for long long time without any ill effects to many, unless they were abused. seriously, once you mix shrinks up into the mix, they tend to screw things up and grossly oversimplify things.
Exactly PERCIVALE, that is what I'm talking about. Just enough force to get their attention. I am sorry for the things that happened in your childhood, it also happened to me. I didn't want my children raised that way; however, I did not have good role models, so when I had them I just did my best and did not abuse them, read a lot, took some psychology classes, and the boys are GREAT now for it. They are better people then I am.
MV, Have a GREAT day!
As a parent I reserve the right to discipline my child as I see fit. Fit may sound a little too broad for some people, but it's not as bad as it sounds. I was abused as a child and my mother saw it as a healthy amount of discipline and I do not by any means agree with her techniques. I know when it's being taken too far. My father on the other hand only spanked me a total of three times and I most definitely deserved each one.
Being told how to parent aggitates me to no end. If I can't properly discipline my child how can I teach him what's right and wrong and that there are consequences for making improper decisions? Verbal discipline may work for some parents and children but not all. AS long as the spanking isn't out of control we as parents should not receive slack for administering a firm but gentle whack.
I am glad that there are still parents out there who agree with me.
I got my ass kicked as a jitterbug!!
I do the same to my son. You miss behave here's what you gotta deal with now. He's terrified of the corner but sometimes doesn't listen still afterwards so nope, it's the way my mama raised me... you do it, you get it.
I was raised in a progressive but blue collar house where spankings and groundings were the normal punishments. My spankings were always given on the bare butt ("stinky butt" as mom put it) with an open hand or wooden ruler. My groundings were total, meaning no privileges at all, and included early bedtime and "hard labor". I can honestly say that I never felt abused at the time and I still don't. The idea that there is something illiberal about parents acting like parents is something I've never really understood, and to be candid I think it's a losing battle for the progressive side.
There is such a thing as real child abuse and it certainly ought to be addressed. Cigarette burns, black eyes, broken bones, starvation: that's child abuse. A sore red bottom that hurts less than many common sports injuries is not child abuse, not at all.
I'm sorry, but spanking is really not the way to punish your child. You really want to teach your child DISCIPLINE. If your child does something messed up, no matter what it is...it is your job as a parent to discipline them to not do such stupid things. If you simply spank your child after they do something "bad" or whatever...all you are teaching them to do is to hit. and yeah, sometimes, we can smack someone upside the head and it'll feel great, for a second, but the reality is that people do not go around hitting each other to solve problems. ANYWAYS, to get to the point....discipline is not the same as punishment, no matter what your mommy or daddy called spanking. discipline is about guiding your child to make good decisions. the punishment is the consequence that follows a poor decision. we all know that no matter how old we are, every choice we have to make is followed by consequences and it is our job as people to decide what choice to make based on those consequences affect on our lives. so, no matter what a child does...every reaction by the parent dictates whether that child will learn anything from the action...hopefully every parent reacts to their child with love and support no matter what the child does...however, that doesn' t mean looking the other way, ignoring the problem, or striking the child then telling the child you love them...i would hate to see what kind of husband a son would be after his dad spanks him and then says i love you?
~Native Pride~
all truths are easy to understand once discovered; the point is to discover them ~galileo
Spanking is a necessary punishment. It shows children that there are consequences to their actions. Though I wouldn't spank a "baby," I realize that the word "baby" varies. Some people still call their 3-year-old a baby. If a kid can crawl, I think they can be spanked; obviously not as hard as an eight-year-old, an infanct is more like a swap where it's just kind of surprising. I agree with you, "Spanking is healthy and absolutely essential to the proper rearing of our young."
I think that a child who is not disciplined has a better chance of behaving badly in life, rather than one who's been disciplined and been taught really the true difference between right and wrong. If a person has to seek professional help because their parent yelled at them for doing something wrong, and when i say yell I mean in the parental sense not an abusive sense, there's something deeper going on, that or they were just overly spoiled.
I was reading an article in Reader's Digest and it talked about how you should correct your child. There was one thing about if a kid comes home after cerfew, how you should yell at him, but rather tell him what he did was wrong and that he shouldn't do it again. First off, if he's old enough to break a cerfew and have one, he's old enough to know that what he did was wrong. Second, he was wrong, punish him. It's not going to scar him for life.
It just drives me nuts all this, be soft or the kid will need a shrink. He won't. Thank you for saying this. God Bless!