I'm not sure how big this story is but apparently a boy in Indiana who's been wearing women's clothing all year was turned away from prom because he was wearing women's clothing.
I've heard a couple of sides. Of course, the liberal outrage of personal freedom, the other side saying men should always wear mens clothing and the people in the middle saying, "It's just a dance, who cares?" My point is it is just a dance, so what the hell's with the formal dress code? Why can't you just let the man wear a dress? If wants to wear it, let 'em! I considered wearing a tuxedo to my prom and I had to go to the office to make sure I could, because I knew guys weren't allowed to wear dresses. And my school, Poway High School (the birthplace of "The Day of Truth" with attending Chase Harper [google it]) allowed me to wear a tux. So why can girls cross dress but guys can't. I'm ecstatic that gender roles have bended enough to allow for the "tomboy" role to be more okay for girls. Even though they still get the dyke namecalling, at least it's not completely unheard of now. But if you notice, there's no "tomgirl". Enforcing binary gender roles bothers the HELL out of me.
Now, it's okay if you're a girl and you want to be feminine or you're a guy and you want to be masculine. By all means, have at it. But I'm so sick and tired with this sex and gender enforced binary. Now, before I elaborate, let me explain the difference between sex and gender. Sex is biological: male, female, or intersex (because 1 in 500 people ARE intersex, even though we fail to realize it or doctors take it upon themselves to assign biological sex with a slice of a scalpel). Gender are behaviors learned based on biological predisposition (e.g. girls should be submissive, quiet, polite, nice, uncomplaining while boys are naturally crude, loud, boistrous, strong, unemotional, etc.) Now, it's okay if you like these traits and want to encompass them. But the idea that this is completely how boys and girls should act isn't fair. It isn't fair to guys or girls. One of the reasons why I found it difficult to fully embrace feminism is because, while females are disadvantaged at greater rates than males due to gender roles and conditioning, men still suffer from gender roles as well. For females who don't want to be submissive and want to be aggressive, it's difficult for them to be the way they are without being called a bitch, slut, or dyke. For a guy who wants to be more emotional or persue "women jobs" such as hairstyling, decorating, nursing, etc. it's difficult for him to be the way he wants to be without being called a fag or a sissy. Gender roles themselves aren't the problem. It's society's idea that everyone of a certain biology must follow a certain behavioral pattern that creates a problem. And this further continues in the case of intersex, transgender, or transexual people as well. Because the binary is so enforced, there's no in-between, therefore making it highly difficult and dangerous for intersex, transgender, or transexual people to even EXIST without being assaulted or abused.
So, why such an enforced gender binary? Why is there just boys tonka trucks and girls easy bake ovens? Why not anything in between? I mean, we're in the 21st century for pete's sake and yet we're still stuck in this one or the other, black or white, this or that world. Even if you don't agree and you believe biology is very closely linked to gender behaviors, still. Have a little tolerance. Have a little respect. I think we should all, no matter what color, creed, orientation etc. just learn to tolerate and respect eachother. Sure, maybe we won't understand eachother, maybe we won't agree with eachother, but why can't we just respect eachother? It boggles my mind.
Good entry. I totally agree: gender is not binary. There are so many shades of gray -- let's celebrate them, not ostracize them!
Agreed. It's just a waste of time, the energy the waste on being racist can be used for better purposes
The story was originally posted in the Post-Tribune (of Merrillville, IN, USA), and picked up by other publications of its owners' family of publications, including the Chicago Sun-Times. From there it was picked up on the wires.
Per the UPI:
"In a 1999 Indianapolis case, a court ruled males can wear dresses to high school proms as a First Amendment right, the [Indiana Civil Liberties Union]'s Ken Falk told the newspaper."
Being transgender means one gets harassed and discriminated against. And, over the last decade more than one person per month has died in the United States due to transgender-based hate or prejudice.
The principal at that school should be fired -- It's bad enough that the kid missed his prom because the principal apparently unlawfully blocked the kid from attending, but the principal's unnecessary showing of prejudice was an extremely poor example for other students to learn from.
That is crap that they didn't let him attend. I know at my high school a girl dressed up in a tux for prom without having any problems. So are there any lawsuits coming out of this?
You are absolutely correct, and you know what? It's up to us. We are a new generation of thinkers. You know that if you decide to have kids and you end up with a boy that you won't yell at him if he wants to play an easy bake oven. You know that if you have a girl you'll let her play with the tonka trucks.
There's one thing that many people haven't talked about: this person is a girl. Obviously her privates indicate a male sex, but her gender is female. In her core she knows she is femenine and that's all there is to it. By referring to her by her legal name and her biological sex, her identity is being undermined. That's just something to keep in mind.
I wasn't sure if she/he was transgendered or not. There are many males who wish to crossdress but not be a different sex (those would be transvestites, transexuals, or just cross dressers [those who don't do it for sexual purposes]). I wasn't sure if he/she was transgendered. Pardon me. My stepfather is transgendered so I know how frustrating it is when someone who wants to be called male/female isn't.
Having a trans person in your family can be frustrating, I understand. My boyfriend is a FTM, so things can get confusing at his house. His parents are working on the transition from Katherine to Jack, but they're trying their hardest. To set the record straight, they are that specific gender. They don't really have a choice in the matter.
But yes, that person that was denied entry into prom is in fact trans.
"To set the record straight, they are that specific gender. They don't really have a choice in the matter." I absolutely agree. I'm sorry if you found my words didn't represent that. It's funny how confusing simple expressions can be when we put stake in so much gender binary, even in our own language.
Thanks for clearing up the identity of the girl, though. I wasn't sure. :)
Aye, it's not a problem.
I just get touchy sometimes. This is a sensitive issue to many trans people. Using the incorrect pronoun is a rough equivalent of dyke or faggot in the glbt community.
Well... I wouldn't go so far as to say that.
It depends on the trans person, just as it depends on the gay or lesbian person. Some gays and lesbians refer to themselves as dykes or faggots, so your statement isn't necessarily true. While trans people do wish to be realized by the gender they truly are, if someone mislabels them not every trans person takes it as personally as a demeaning name like dyke or faggot. I mean, when you make a mistake in gender labelling the intent is HARDLY the same as using dyke or faggot. You can't accidently call someone that, so I dissgree, it's not the same.
And considering the fact that I've been out with my stepfather and mother many a time and know what it feels like when waiters refer to us as "ladies", I know how sensitive gender mislabelling can be. But, to my stepfather, I bet he'd be more offended by dyke or faggot than someone calling him a her. Because sometimes it's an honest mistake, unless of course their intent is to mislabel, which isn't the case 75% of the time, I believe.
I didn't make myself clear.
Purposefully calling someone who is trans by the wrong pronoun (he, she, itis VERY offensive. You don't accidentally call someone an it after they've told you what his or her gender is.
If it's an honest mistake, it might be a little annoying at most. Most educated and well-balanced trans people will simply correct you and move on with their lives.
If nobody had a problem with it in the first place why do they have a problem now?
*shrug* Formal dress code of the dance I guess.
Under other circumstances I would say let this kid do what he wants, but since it deals with prom, which is supposed to be a certain way in most people's eyes, I can understand the problem.
I still don't get it... why whould she have to dress as a guy? Her gender isn't male...
People care more about your biological organs than they do about what you may or may not consider yourself.
It's such a shame that genitals matter more than personality.
Isn't it though? In more ways than one.
If there were more people like you, then we wouldn't have these problems. In my school, you can't bring a same sex partner to the dance and we don't offer another form of dance for them. That, I find stupid. So good for you thinking that it's wrong, because it is.
My school was the same. No same sex partners, but at the same time the tickets for couples were cheaper than buying two stag tickets. It's almost as if students were rewarded for conforming to the boy/girl tradition by receiving a discount in price. At the same time, I am wondering now if those going solo were being punished by being forced to pay more. It would make sense to me to find a friend to go with just for the discount.....if same sex couple were allowed, that is.
The young person was couragous to go to the prom in the personal choice of attire. The idea it didn't set well with the principle shows how biased the principle is and regretably was a lost night for the young person who wasn't allowed to attend the prom. I'm not sure if I should address the young graduate as Miss or Mister as the news article used the pronoun "him". At that young age, pronouns and words mean every thing. As we get older we realize the pronouns mean absolutely nothing. I've been addressed as darn near everything, some people get real down and dirty as if they feel I have upset the world order and it's their duty to set everything back right. I'm sure the principle thought by barring the young lady's entrance into the prom she was the gate keeper holding the world balance of male and female identity in her hands. I wish the principle had met me or the thousands of others before she decided her role as gate keeper. I may not have been able to change her perspective but maybe I would? We really don't look like bubba wearing a mini skirt. We are doctors, lawyers, writers, husbands, wives, and the next door neighbors. Not really what one expects when they get their education from the Jerry Springer Show. http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TSsuccesses/TSsuccesses.html Google Tiffany Beauty Contest in the Google News Google Dana International Don't bother trying to Google me although I'm splashed all over the net. Trust me, not worth the effort. Just for fun things to know, Barbie is a boys name in Germany and is over six hundred years old. Barbie is a girls name in the states and goes back two hundred years. Mattel didn't dream up the name and they don't own it. The young graduate had her dream of her only high school prom ruined to never be replaced even if there is a party at another date. There is only one of a number of things in life. They can never be replaced or done again. It isn't the same. always, Barb Barbie Lee Elk City, Oklahoma
And Barbie was actually a sex doll in Germany (I believe). I think guys used to hang it on their rear veiw mirrors. I saw it on a special about Barbie in my Women's Studie's class.
Quite interesting.
The name changed when the doll was picked up and replicated in the US by Mattel. And yes, you are right. Lilli was a "party favor" doll passed out at stag and office parties.
I know all this and everything else about Mattel's Billion dollar baby because their lawyers contacted me after my name started appearing on the net back in the eighties. They claimed they owned the name. They grew silent when I offered to meet them in court after notifying the press corps.
The young lady who was denied her one chance at the prom didn't have the opportunity or time to find a legal recourse before it was gone. The principle stole a moment in time from that young lady's life never to be replaced. She didn't have the experience or knowledge at such a young age to know how to pursue her options. Simple things in life like having one's lawyer on instant call. The numbers of the media in one's purse or PDA. The numbers of the police, FBI, and other law agencies at instant command.
I'm betting if she had called her lawyer and the media someone would have known enough law to explain her rights to the principle and the police who showed up to escort her from the dance. It's a shame she received a bruising education of legal rights on such a short notice.
Boys and girls, you may think you will never need all those numbers at your fingertips. And God knows I hope and pray you don't. However life is not like the big screen where the hero arrives in the nick of time to make wrongs right. In real life, you are on your own. If you aren't ready for almost anything life tosses at you then you are in for a real rough time which shouldn't happen.
You think because you are exactly what is on your birth certificate and you aren't rocking the social status quo you don't need to worry? Are you willing to risk weeks, months, years, of physical and or mental anguish because you weren't carrying a couple phone numbers in your PDA? It's the cheapest insurance you will ever own. Those couple numbers could possibly save your life.
The social bullies in life get away with their ignorance and bias because they are never taken to task. Later is always too late.
always,
Barbie Lee
Elk City, Oklahoma
I have no idea if biologic sex and gender are related, but I do know that the more people there are in a given space, the more call there is for tolerance. America, being the populous country it is, is very much in need of a mutual respect for everyone. I completely agree, "maybe we won't agree with eachother, but why can't we just respect eachother?" Right on!