I'm considering swallowing everything (not literally) and being the friend that WE agreed we would be....even though he's fallen through on the arrangement. I was writing an eMail today and in explaining something I realized that everyone goes through the basic thing that confused me...although I must protest that it's far more complex than I'd like it to be and far beyond basic.
He blames me for the break-up....I didn't show him enough affection(basically at his heels and not even able to blink) and I can admit to that...but i wasn't going to jump into his pants, however when I reliezed how I needed to change things and did...he rejected me (though didn't break up with me until nearly 2 months later) and not because it was too late(i would've thought that too....) but because of his many new little friends....Natalie and Cynthia. He tells me two days after we break up he was ready to get Nat but that Cynthia was Perfect and too innocent and sweet to even think of her like that...yet he told her he loved her and when he rejected her his newly named best friend(me) gets treated..not nice, though he'd object. I'm far from being his best friend, in fact I feel more like a toy. When he's actually with me it's like we didn't break up and he tells me he still loves me...but on Christmas day he tells me he loves Cynthia more than me. She rejects him and that sparks his love for this girl who just happens to be everything he use to tell me (and now dennounces) he argues with me over always lying and honestly i can think of one that i immediately confessed to b/c i'm just bad at lying...but I can name a handful of huge lies that he's told me that i've gotten over so i don't even bother to throw in his face(which takes alot out of me) He accuses me of lying and i don't know if it's his own guilt or there is something wrong with me...it only presses in my mind that the more someone tells you it is, the more you believe it is, could this be me...well in the sense that i can't help but blame myself....he takes his anger on me passively and makes outragous statements. I can't believe that so much could be my fault and him still remain innocent...especially since I've loved him whole heartily for almost 2 years and he just claims it (with the love of 5 other girls in the last year). How can I love someone who is this way to me. but like i said in the begining, I realize that everyone goes through the rejection of a crush and they feel they're so in love. But I hope that if he does come back to me, i'm smart enough to decline and just be his friend unless he changes how he is.
There was a time where he was furious with me for not answering his marriage puposal...but i'm still uncertain as to if it was a real one...and now i wonder If we were to get married would he still try and justify falling in love with someother girl and remain married to me. Aside from the honesty...i'd think that would be considered a cheater.
I'm going to end with that because I don't even want to spend another second thinking about this....if it was meant to be, it will be, if not i'll get better. Luckily for me i don't feel the pain i feel i should. If you've ever heard the Rascal Flatts song "I feel bad" you can understand why i'm not devasted over this and in fact if it weren't for this song I would've gone on thinking that i was black inside. what he does doesn't hurt anymore.
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This sounds sadly familiar, except I did marry and have kids with mine. i know its not easy, s o understand that when I say this.
Walk away and don't even try to be friends with him. He's just going to lie more, take advantage of what you give him, drain you, and then go out and get what he wants from other girls, mean while coming back to you.
No, I take that back. Run, not walk. and never look back. This guy is not your friend, but a succubus looking to drain.
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