There is a line or two in Fight Club:
you're not how much money you've got in the bank.
You're not your job.
You're not your family, and you're not who you tell yourself....
You're not your name....
You're not your problems....
You're not your age....
You are not your hopes.
You are not special.
You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake.
You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else.
We are all part of the same compost heap.
Depressing right? Wrong...
Basically I am different to a lot of people. Hell I am transsexual, not a lot of people can say that honestly. It is so easy to blame things on my apparent differences... I can't have a meaningful relationship BECAUSE I am transsexual... I constantly feel pressure to be someone else BECAUSE I am transsexual... People don't understand me BECAUSE I am transsexual... Ad lib to end.....
There is a common theme here. The words "I can't", "People don't understand", "I constantly" (plus hundreds of others) and then add something like relationship, friends, family, work etc and then append the words "BECAUSE I am transsexual"... What a formula, I am no longer responsible for my problems because it is everybody else's fault, everything else's fault for not understanding ME!
Honestly I don't feel that way often, but I do have the ability to. BUT lets change the words at the end of the sentence. Lets replace the last line to read:
BECAUSE I am gayBECAUSE I am straight
BECAUSE I am a man
BECAUSE I am a woman
BECAUSE I am gothic
BECAUSE I am emo
BECAUSE I am................. hell add a description here of anything you like, black, white, Asian, everything and anything and all of a sudden EVERYBODY can be absolved.
Maybe it was the fact that I hadn't had my sanity pills for 3 days and the haze in my head was making me think in some odd ways, but walking around this morning it was almost as if I could see the thought bubbles above peoples heads.
The guy at the train station emptying his pockets and only having 10 cents to spare after paying for his fare.... Thought Bubble: "How am I going to get home?"
The girl at the Woolworth's counter... Thought Bubble: "Why are people looking at me odd? Did I accidentally tuck my skirt into my tights?"... runs hand down backside to upper rear thigh in reassuring gesture.....
The shop assistant... Thought Bubble: " I hate my life. Why do I have to work this shitty job to support my lazy assed partner?"
Etc Etc Etc
This morning I saw (NOT IN A PSYCHOTIC WAY, but in a sudden realisation way) each of these though bubbles and understood that no matter what my problems are, they aren't anything special. EVERYBODY has money issues now and then. Everybody has relationship issues now and then. Everybody feels insecure about themselves now and then. Everybody has issues.
This morning I smiled because I am not different.
This morning I smiled because I am not a beautiful or unique snowflake.
This morning I smiled because I am part of that decaying organic compost heap!
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That is so true, we are all just decaying matter. Our lives are what we make of it. I am ME and for ME that is enough!!!!And for ME that is all that matters.
*hugs*
Ceila
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ceila30
http://www.progressiveu.org/160156-facing-same-sex-marriage
"The girl at the Woolworth's counter... Thought Bubble: "Why are people looking at me odd? Did I accidentally tuck my skirt into my tights?"... runs hand down backside to upper rear thigh in reassuring gesture....."
Haha, I've done that before. No big deal though, I was in the second grade and was trying to "work it" for this kid I had a crush on. Only to find out that he was looking at me b/c my skirt was tucked into my tights! WOah. Can you say Embarrasing?!
Just thought I'd share! =D
TCho