In one of my classes, the subject of marriage has come up several times as a tangential topic of discussion. Being 21, and newly married myself, I took a keen interest. One particular issue has been raised that got under my skin: prenuptial agreements.
Call me old-fashioned, but I always thought that marriage is supposed to be two people coming together to love each other for the rest of their lives, "till death do us part." But apparently I am wrong, I know, it sounds crazy, but I am.
Now, in our new enlightened era, marriage is not about loving each other but about using someone else to make your life a little bit happier, or better, or whatever. Let's call it Consumer Marriage. Why Consumer Marriage? Well, aside from the fact that I am akin to the concept that everything in America is becoming an appeal to the consumer in us all who only wants more, more, more to satisfy ourselves (Consumer Christianity http://www.progressiveu.org/183743-consumer-christianity-and-telling-oth...); I think that Consumer Marriage signifies nicely the concept of prenuptial agreements.
Now, when we get married we have to legally protect our own assets in case our love "dies" and we decide to get a divorce. That way, if our heart dies, at least our money will live on. This is truly the best way. Why should we plan on actually fulfilling our promises to stay married until we die? Come on! This is ridiculous. That won't happen! Pretty soon our love will grow cold and we will want to return to our solitary lives of self and money.
What then does marriage become? It is not me sacrificing my own life to give all of myself to my wife, instead it is me building up my own life by adding a wife to my growing pile of cash. If something goes wrong somewhere, at least I'll have my cash. And maybe my heart won't hurt so much because I never FULLY gave ALL of myself to her anyway.
My thought is this, if you feel like you have to get a prenup, then don't marry that person. Get married because YOU love THEM. Not because they love you. And marry someone who wants to marry you because THEY love YOU, not because you love them. This way, you have two people who care about the other MORE THAN THEMSELVES, and are willing to spend the rest of their lives making the other one's life better. Even if you're duking it out to the very end, at least you've still got your money. Right?
i think that it is just the selfishness of this generation that keeps the prenup an American tradition. people just don't have moral standards anymore, all we care about is money, and how much of it we can get out of people.
another problem with marriage is that a lot of people see these little teeny bopper movies where everyone meets their junior high school sweetheart and they have sex and everyone lives happily ever after. people these days don't know what love really is. they knock each other up, have a baby, get married, then get a divorce.
justxdru
Oh my, I agree with you on this one.
I have no experience. Teenage "love", as fabulous as it may be, is all I have ever experienced--nothing even relatively akin to THE love... yet, I can honestly say that prenups make my blood curdle.
You get married... you've "signed a contract" with the saying of your vows, and it shouldn't be broken. And if it is, then so be it... but don't have your spouse sign a contract regarding your money before the marriage. If someone were to ask me to do that, I would honestly wonder if he was the right man for me. In love, you need trust--no matter what happens.
I hope I don't marry a rich man--no prenups for me. =]
-------------------------
If I don't do the talking, then tell me: who will?
My boyfriend and I have actually discussed prenups, because we've seen news about it, and we come from... rather different worlds. My family used to be on foodstamps, and his parents bought him a condo in Manhattan.
So, one day, I told him that if his parents thought it necessary that I sign a prenup (after watching some movie about the parents freaking out about one thing or the other), I would do it. I'll make enough in my future career to sustain myself (and a family), and would not marry him for his money. He, being the sweet guy he is, said if his parents thought it necessary that I sign I prenup, he would refuse to let me sign it.
Not that either of us plan to get married to get a divorce in the future. And if we survive the next year, I highly doubt anything would be able to break us up....
~C
Check out the latest entry in the Between The Lines column!
Want the highest rated list to change? RATE those blogs, then!
As unomantic as it is, I do think signing a prenup is important. It goes with the saying, hope for the best, plan for the worst. What if the woman decides not to get a paying job? The husband could end up with most the money, while the woman only lives by alimony until her new job pays well enough to support her and the children? Just like people don't want to think about dying young, it does happen, and there needs to be a will and/or funeral plans.
We want to think love will last forever, but sadly, it doesn't always happen. You may marry the right person, love them with all your heart, but something changes them. Divorce is usually more complicated than the couple stops loving each other, or never loved each other to begin with. Sometimes, you still love each other, or one person does.
It may seem self-serving, put you have to protect yourself. You can't live if you can't afford a house or food, and most people will not want to remain dependant on their ex-spouse.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/tricia0711