Sometimes a girl just has to rant

I could care less about half the people in the world, I'm a selfish
bitchy pain in the ass and I know it. I dont hide my feelings, I get
pissed off easy and I love people alot more then I should. I've been
screwed over by people all my life, and I dont allow any one with in
five feet of my true emotions. I'm happy with being that fat girl
you'ld never approch or talk to inless you had to. I want more out of
life then what people give me credit for. I hate my job but stay with
it because I'm to scared to find something better. I dont drink that
offten an when I do I probably dont drink to little or at best to
much.  I'm flirty as hell and I dont care if you take me serious or not
because if I really wanted you I would have stated it to your face. I
dont play games INless I'm truly bored. I'm not scared of dyeing I'm
angery at the fact that I might not get to do everything I want intime.

If I didnt want some kind of real future, If I wasnt so worried
about surviving and being able to have others respect me (which most of
you out there dont) I would be a peirced up tattooed "freak" just like
all those close to my heart are. I'm 19 and I've never truly been
allowed to act my age and the moments that I do arent my best. I watch
the Disney Channel, CNN, Histroy Channel, and Discovery Health. I'm
fasinated by forensic sience but I know I'm not smart enough to do it
or atleast I'm not willing to try.   My life as has been about settling
for can get me through the right now and not about whats going to make
me happy.

My very first real life memorie is watching my
Grandfathers funeral... driveing to pick out the casket, the viewing
and knowing my family would never been what it was. Of excepting that I
was the one to blame for things I didnt do in the eyes of my
Grandmother. Of knowing that I was a cheerleader and that I love the
color pink. I wore rubber braslets and black nail polish... I was the
"goth" of my class untill I got tired of people calling me something I
didnt properly desirve the title of. I believe in God .. I think its
funny how people blame the Jews for things when "their" Savior was/is
Jewish... I believe that its sad how people are so willing to jump on
any bandwagen of hateing people so that they arent having fingers
pointed at them for something.

Its sad that innocent people
have to die for things that twenty years from now wont make since. I
love how no ones going to read this or actully under stand it if they
do. This isnt to say all that I've said its to say that Life isnt ever
what its ment to be, We are never going to be perfect no matter how
much money you make, surgery you get, schools you attened, or countries
you visit. At the end of the day you are what you are because of your
own choices and you Cant blame any one but your self.