Memories

A lot has happened to me and the people I know in the past year. I've seen and heard of countless deaths and births and rejuvenations in the past year. I've made and broken friendships. I've read of new opinions and revised old ones. I've moved from one stage of my life to another, facing disappointment along the way.

Last night, I went to a tea. One of my newest and best friends is getting ready to leave for Air Force medical training in a week, and when she gets back, she'll practically leave immediately to go to Washington DC to train to be a doctor. I'm so proud of her, especially because she accomplished what I could not this past year.

At any rate, I stayed the night at her house, and we spent quite a while just talking. I confessed things to her very few people know, and things that I don't think anyone knows the complete story to. I talked about my failed relationship and the pain it's caused me. I talked about how difficult it was moving everywhere. I talked about how I'm not sure I could what she's doing, even though it has some pretty awesome benefits. We just... talked.

And it felt really good. I realize I have so many secrets, and I don't like keeping them bottled up. It hurts.

In addition, I recently found an old piece of writing I had been working on, many years ago. I stopped because school got in the way, and I kinda lost interest in it. Basically, it was a fanfiction based on my relationship... how it started, my feelings about it, things of that nature. So, I wrote a little more, and it felt really good. I could reminice about what happened, both the good and the bad.

With these two events, I hardened my resolve to write a memoir. Everyone's memory fails, and I feel that with the stress I'll likely encounter later in my life, writing it all down will be useful. I have a decent stack of diaries on my bookcase... I tended to go on and off with them. I have pictures from all throughout my childhood. I have home movies my dad made when I was little. And I have my memories. Hopefully, all that will give me some sort of account of my life until now.

Will I publish? Not likely. I might give it to my children when I'm old, but I'm not even sure about that. And, I think I'll take back up journaling. Certainly not the type I'd do either here or on my livejournal (yes, I do have one). More of an exploration of my emotions on some regular basis. Maybe an account of something here or there. I think in the end, it'll be useful to me. If I can't confide in any one person, confiding in a book is the next best thing, no?

And who knows. Maybe one day I'll compile all my writings from here and that memoir and other writings I've done (though not my fanfiction... those I'd prefer to forget) and actually get a bound copy made. We'll see.