I guess there isn't really a single topic that is blog is about, but a couple of related ones. Its mainly for me to kind of organize my thoughts and clear my head. If you ever read or have read many of my other blogs, this is going to be much the same as them, but with a slightly new look to it.
Plainly said, I'm getting close to 20 now, I have only had about a week of countable experience with dating someone, and I'm to the point where I expect some form of the answer no when I ask out someone. So needless to say, I'm not what you would call a master of dating. And it sucks.
One of the may reasons why it sucks, is that I have to sit on the side lines and watch as everyone around you seems happy with someone else. I don't get to share laying under the stars with someone on a summer night, or get to hold them close, or have someone I can talk to about anything and everything when I need to, or anything else you could think of like that. Another thing is someone or other I know has their heart broken and tries to tell me I have it good. While I have no doubt having your heart shattered into a gazillion peices sucks, you still probably had great times (if not better) with that person, and you will at least have some idea what to do in the future. As they say, "Tis` better to have loved and lost, then to have never had loved at all."
Now, after having experienced failure after failure after failure, it lead me to finally thinking something was obviously wrong. After trying may different ways of asking people out, from the most basic asking out, to the romantic flowers and a poem, to talking and just asking people to something casual, I still had no success. So I was able to rule out my methods from my dilema, which narrowed down my search a little. Problem is that it has lead me to think that the problem is with me.
I first thought maybe it was something to do with my looks, so I was quick to try to rule this out. And after some asking around, I found that while I am definitely not eye candy for women, I wasn't too bad looking either. I've also noticed from observing others, that its more based on personality, and looks are more of a bonus thing.
So with my looks ruled out, I have now looked into what could be wrong with my personality or traits I had. And after much thought, I found many things that I hadn't really noticed or payed attention to much before. Examples. I'm very stubborn about a lot of things, and make many donkeys look very very cooperative. As well, I for some reason have trouble putting thoughts into words sometimes, and I look like a total retard during these moments.
Also, I play sports, live on a ranch, don't like to drink or smoke, am an athiest, actually listened to my parents as a teen and didn really rebel, paly piano, have a lot of nerdy friends but couldn't tell you a thing about D&D or computers, drive an old, OLD truck thats a POS (and gets horrible gas milage) but don't want a new car, hate many things most people love such as coffee, chile, and mountain due, and I'm broke as hell because I pay for my own college (yeah, thats right, my parents haven't given me a dime to my college).
So, I have finally concluded 2 things from all of that about my personality/traits.
1)There is no stereotype or clique I possibly fit into at all, there for lowering my chances because I'll end up having whatever I have in common with a woman negated by what we have opposite interests in (If that makes any sense to who ever reads this)
2)My personality/traits must be my problem, be cause if I can't even figure out myself, how can I expect to get others to even start figuring me out?
As a final note, I once had someone tell me I was "unique", and thought that he was saying dork in a nice way because of the way he said it. Now, after writing this, I am not so sure I was correct about this, but I think I need some outside thought about this before I can conclude about this.
Wow. You just described me, except I'm 17 with absolutely Zero dating experience. I (used to) work on a ranch, and love the lifestyle, but I'm a liberal. I'm really into drama, but I'm also a varsity athlete. I'm VERY stubborn and firm in my beliefs. I'm really not that rebellious (though I can't wait for my birthday). And I'm lonely. I'm an outsider with all my friends because whatever group they fit with is their identity. My geek friends talk about computers all day. My ski team friends only have skiing in common, my drama friends are full of drama (in every sense of the word).
Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.
Ok, let me give you a little advice from a women who has been through the dating bullshit. Now, just so you think I am not some old bag trying to tell you stories beginning with "when I was your age", let me tell you about me. The name is Suzette, I am 20 yrs. old, also pay for my own college & everything else. I live almost completely on my own, me and the boyfriend split the bills. Haha.
Now onto your blog. Your right, looks really are just an added bonus. Personality is really the key. In high school I went through many dating experiences. However, my problem wasn't getting dates, it was weeding out the bad apples. First you need to know who you truly are. What you stand for, your beliefs, etc. Then you need to know what you are looking for in another person. Are you looking for a serious relationship, a fling, or what? And you need to know what traits you want in a partner. Now the only way to know these traits is to be that person's friend. I know, stupid right, honestly though it's the only way. When you start accomplishing your goals and are really focused on your life, that's when things start to fall into place. Instead of wasting time looking for someone, do things that make you happy. And when someone you like happens to come into your world, be their friend first and foremost. For one, women respect the fact that you aren't just trying to get laid when you see past their looks. Plus it allows you to get to know the person before wanting to date them. That way, if you find traits that you just weren't looking for, you know ahead of time.
I know these are things you have probably heard a million times, but honestly, once I finally listened to these words, it happened to me. My boyfriend and I were nothing but friends (partiers) when we met. He had a girlfriend at the time. As time went all, things just SLOWLY happened with us. And honestly, that's the way it should be. Hope this helps you some.