Blaming only kills you

Blame a verb meaning to find fault or to hold responsible. It is something we all do. We point fingers, call names, and tear down those who cause the acts we do not approve of. It is meant with a negative connotation and is rarely followed with forgiveness. Most of us blame others. Some of us blame our selves. It is easy to live with the blame others have put on you but how do you live with blame you put on yourself? There is truly no escape.

As I child, I frequented the crowd bazaars of Nazareth with my mother. One day, my mother entered a glass shop and told me to wait outside with my great aunt because she feared that I would be reckless like most children and break something. My great aunt stood beside me and was soon distracted by a piece of clothing in the next shop. I stood there quietly and wandered over to the postcard section to stare at the pretty pictures.

Then he appeared through the crowd. Dressed in plain clothes he approached me. He seemed to be in his mid-twenties. I clearly remember his white shirt and thinking back to this gives me shivers down my spine. He looked at me and stroked my chin as he told me I was the most beautiful little girl he had ever seen. He repeated this over and over like a broken record and it seemed to mesmerize me. The world around me seemed to be blurred. I knew this was one of bad men I was taught about when I was little yet I could get out. The world stopped and it was only me and him. He took my hand and I walked beside him. My head was screaming don’t go this is not going but my feet did not seem to understand this.

Then in a few footsteps my mother appeared in panic. She was screaming in a tone I never again heard. She yelled at this man and told him to leave her daughter alone. Leave her baby alone and then his grip lighten and he was gone. Not one person stopped him. He ran and disappeared in the crowd. We never called the police. We just went home to the ocean and it was as though it never happened.

But it did happen and I live with the blame of causing someone else strife. I blame myself for the next little girl he might have done this too. I live everyday in fear that he is still out there coming to get me. I blame myself for never reporting him. It kills me inside to live the life I live everyday knowing that my spared life was granted by the possible hurt of another.

I have learned that blame is when people don’t want to deal with something they have caused or maybe didn’t even really cause. I have been told it is not my fault what happened, or what may have happened to others yet I still feel responsible. The lesson to be learned is that blame eats you up inside. Sometimes there is nothing you can do to stop something from happening but blaming yourself does not help. It will not erase the past or stop the repercussions of the future. We all blame but when has it ever really helped?

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