Why can't people just be up front about how they feel? I mean, when you ask someone "Whats wrong?" and they respond with the neutral "nothing", when something is clearly wrong, how do you respond? This scenario happened today with me and my mom. It is not out of the ordinary for her to say nothing is wrong, being the kind of person who doesn't want to put her problems on to others. But it is out of the ordinary for her to be so obvious about something actually being wrong when she says nothing is wrong. I try asking her a few more times to see if she will realize allI want to do is help, but she just says she has to go to bed.
I'm a very caring person and when someone around me is not happy, I feel it. I just want to right everything that is wrong for them and make them feel better. Is that too much to do? Too much to think about? I don't know. I feel like I should be able to do something for my mom to lift her spirits. But I have no idea where to begin. Making breakfeast, Waking up early and cleaning, going to the movies with her were all things Im going to do, but what if they don't work? Its not like she is always unhappy or anything. She is usually happy and funny, but this time seems different. She seems far away and I just want her to be closer so I can help. Ill just start with my list, and hopefully it will turn out ok.
I'm writing this in hopes that I will write myself into figuring out what I should do, but any comments are welcome.
Maybe you just need to give you mom the time to turn that ''nothing'' into a "something". Be there for her, stay open, and you may get a response. Either that, or let her know that you know she's not being 100% honest with her reply of "nothing''.
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Mind Control is Easier Than You Think
Thanks for the advice. Ill keep that in mind when im around her now.
It is nice that you are concerned about your mom, but be careful that your caring personality doesn't become codependent. It sounds dangerously close to that. For example, you state that you want to right whatever is wrong for your mom...that's not your role as a child (and I mean child of your parent, as I don't know how old you are). It's not something you can do in any role, actually. People are responsible for their own feelings. Your responsibility is to be kind and loving to her. You did this by offering to talk to her about whatever is bothering her. She declined. Your work here is done. If you put energy into figuring out what's wrong and fixing it when it isn't your problem, you can lose yourself, your identity, your independence. It will become a pattern in relationships.
Just recognize that you and your mom are two autonomous people. She's a big girl, and by not sharing all her problems with you, she's giving you the opportunity, the space, and the freedom to be one too.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman