Amoral. Unethical. Troublesome. I don't usually talk to people about polygamy/gyny/andry/amory, since it tends to draw up pictures of Warren Jeffs and child rape. But I've talked to my parents and my boyfriend about it and neither of them mind that I would want to experiment in polyamory, except no one else wants to experiment. So I just kinda of sit on it and twiddle my thumbs like a silly face. I've always tried to wrap my mind around the idea of being solely commited to one person and while I can see it physically, mentally... I just can't do it. I've been told that I have the mindset of a guy, heh, because, even though I have a boyfriend, I can totally go with idea of being with another person.
Silly right?
Well, there's a more... childish reason behind this entry. I do have a boyfriend who I love very much, but also... I'm rather heads over heels for this boy who lives next door to me. And I completely hate myself for it. If I could afford counselling, I'd get some. The boy next door got a girlfriend and it's killing me inside, I wouldn't doubt that I'd feel better if my boyfriend weren't so far away.
I feel really lonely tonight. That's all I'm saying. Let's face it, I can cover this up with as much science and moral discussion and blah blah blah... but I'm just really lonely and need some attention. God, I'm an attention whore. *shakes head*
Anyways, how does the rest of the community feel about polygamy/etc? Meaning consensual, loving, legal polygamy/etc. <3 Gonna go away now.
*shuffles off*
Well, it sounds like you're saying that your boyfriend is okay with your being his One and Only without his being your Only One. I guess if that really works for you two, then it works.
But does it really? Are you sure his feelings wouldn't be hurt if you said you just went on a date with the guy next door and he's a great kisser? Would your boyfriend still be your boyfriend, or would you have two boyfriends, or a three way relationship, or do you just mean you want to be single and date more than one person?
Without hearing his side in his own words, I can't judge how emphatically he said this was fine with him, or under what kind of conditions it would be fine with him.
And are you also sure about your own feelings and wouldn't feel weird about it? Sometimes people are disappointed when they get what they think they wanted and then it turns out it wasn't like in the dream.
I don't think this kind of thing usually works. Someone ends up feeling hurt if they make you Number 1 at the same time you make him one of many.
When you committ yourself to another person, it is a spiritual bond; it can't be matched by sleeping with a bunch of other guys. It sounds to me more like this desire comes from lack of a father's love, and it's not that you aren't happy with one guy, it's that you don't feel like you're being loved "enough."
"A government big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take everything you have." - Barry Goldwater
"... the ostensible means [diversity] of acheiving a desired end had become the end itself." - Clarence Thomas
I believe you carry some seriously strong energies within yourself, and also guess it wouldn’t be bad to try and tap into them since they might bring you all the answers you might be looking for.
You probably carry an abundance of emotional love inside that is trying to burst out and affect your surroundings.
My personal opinion is that people are not meant to spend their whole lives together because it tends to shift that balance of harmony into possessor/possessed regardless who (male/female) falls in what role during this process when love starts to fade away in a relationship.
Maybe the reason why you feel lonely is due to the fact you can’t share that abundance you carry inside, you could try to reflect it upon yourself, I’m sure the loneliness will make place for inner peace bringing joy when manifesting itself.
Hating yourself! Well, it will only cause confusion and affect your self-esteem, there is no shame in being that person you are, no need to fight yourself, one can never win that fight.
Manny people make the mistake in marrying to soon or young based on reasons that will manifest themselves in a later stage bringing misfortunes inside the relation.
Most people marry the wrong person, funny part is that somewhere deep inside they even know this before making that step into marriage.
It is more intelligent to give yourself time to grow as a person, to explore the world inside and outside your head in order to figure out what your needs are and how to get yourself to know who you really are and what you really want!
This will be beneficial in order to allow yourself in creating a life that will be fulfilling all the needs you might carry inside in the best way possible.
Good luck,
Personally, I don't think you can be truly in love with multiple people, because after you fall in love, there's a lot of work to be done to make it "true" and lasting.
If you want to experiment with other people, I really think it means you're not ready to commit and you don't truly "love" your boyfriend... if you need to experiment, do it, but break up with your boyfriend first.
I can pretty much guarantee if he saw this and started to realize you were serious, he'd get a burning jealousy inside and would resent you forever.
He may say he's okay with it, but let him see you kiss another guy. Or be held by another guy. Or, God forbid, walk in on you and another guy. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be okay with it anymore.
Think of the consequences you are dealing to other people before you start talking about whether it's "right" or "wrong."
Hurting other people is almost never right.
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http://progressiveu.org/143541-how-to-survive-the-2008-elections
I believe jealousy is caused because of lack of self-esteem together with an addiction that is sexual in most cases.
Mostly boys are sexually orientated when it comes to relationships. That’s their prime reason why the step inside a relationship whit a female partner.
The moment this sexual attraction is gone, they will be gone in a heartbeat to!
Funny enough, individuals being jealous in their emotion, are more likely to become the one’s that will cheat upon their partner. They somehow take some sort of revenge before they even had confirmation, because they can not handle the thought of their partner resorting into it, regardless if their partner has done so in effect!
Jealous people are in constant need of confirmation that they are loved, making them the opposite of what love is all about.
In order to love multiple persons at the same time, one needs to carry a free mind, a mind that is not driven or controlled by EGO!
Going true life without an ego make one to become a love magnet!
There is nothing more attractive to both sexes than a person that carries no ego, they can have anyone they like, but they mostly don’t engage because of lack of interest, not in sex but the person itself because it carries to much of an ego they are not willing to please!
lol
I agree for the most part, but I don't think the boyfriend would be in the wrong for being jealous and resentful.
I try to stray away from a "jealous nature." If my boyfriend is hanging out with a chick, friends with a chick, whatever, it doesn't bother me. I have enough trust in him (even if I don't trust the girl, lol). But if I knew he was kissing or even flirting past a casual male-female bond, I can promise I would get pretty upset, as would any normal person.
I think it's really irresponsible to say "I think I might go be with other people because I like my boyfriend, but then there's this other guy and he's really hot and this one time I really wanted to kiss this other guy and blah blah blah..."
She's obviously not content in her relationship. It sounds like she's comfortable in it, and that's why she doesn't want to break up. But there's something missing if she wants to be with other people.
Of course you'll always be attracted to people other than your partner. But strength and committment is choosing not to act on those attractions. There's definitely a difference between love and lust; why spoil love because you lust after another person for an hour or two?
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http://progressiveu.org/143541-how-to-survive-the-2008-elections
Cool comment,
I do understand your reasoning and from a social point of view you are absolutely right about all the things you have pointed out!
It is always a positive not to trust other girls…lol, you have a good attitude in regard to relationships, unfortunately not everyone carries that same approach!
It has always been trouble in love paradise and it’s not likely to change in the near future although I must say things are much better than they just to be. The Spice Girls have caused a global wave across the globe causing girls to stand up for their “identity”!
Still we are never safe regardless on how committed we are to certain values we carry in regard to love.
A relationship is an agreement between partners based upon mutual attraction, it’s a combination of I like the things you do, have, give, show, make and say.
Trust, is the common understanding to keep what you share between acceptable emotional boundaries within this relation, meaning, please don’t hurt my feelings!
The main 2 reasons why relationships don’t last are sex and personal wishes that eventually along the course of that relationship don’t line up with the one’s of the partner.
Lust is the number one relation killer ,,,, when “lust meets lust” it goes by by trust!
The main problem with people is that they like one another, not just one but all that match their personal profile and interest regardless if a person is in a relationship or not!
People love to mingle along the path of their lives, always, unless they find themselves dwelling in hurt and deception because of the frustration they carry inside.
The reason why people get filled with frustration is because they don’t get over it, when they hit that wall! They get stuck not able to get back on their feet, so they stop believing in love!
They fear love so they don’t move on and become lonely, because they stop showing the love they carry inside! They inflict themselves with all these negative emotions out of fear!
Only because they don’t understand that love is “FREEDOM”.
Love is that ultimate energy that keeps us from falling down or hitting a wall!
In order to keep love flowing inside your heart, one needs to shift away from taking things for grantee, meaning,
“NEVER SAY NEVER”
I will never do this or that does not work in real live, because we eventually do many things we said would never do, that’s why we sometimes feel ALIVE….lol.
A guy that cheat’s on you!!! Well, get over it!! Leave him be, go on with your live, because he is simply not worth crying for!
The problem of hurt is the addiction one caries in regard to his partner.
If you want to get over your loss, focus to dissolve the addiction you had while in that relation.
Dissolve the addiction and the pain goes AWAY!
Meaning, don’t close up, since you have done nothing wrong, don’t put guild upon your shoulders,,,,I should had done this or that!
Stay who you are! Reject him together with all of his sorry’s and I love you’s because they shouldn’t mean shit anymore to YOU… Shift away, in pride not tears, this will make you to become a love magnet no one will want to cheat, because you finally have learned to make up your mind and follow your own needs and choices…
Making you that woman, that we sometimes meet in our dreams, lol
Make yourself love yourself only, and it will reflect in your life always and forever.
So don’t bother about trust, follow your own, why go live the live and wishes of another but your own,,,,
This was some serious pep talk,,,haha, I love it!
Take care, follow your heart,
Woman rule love, they are the love boss!!!
I think that you need to call your boyfriend and talk to him about you bieng so lonely. When you are in a committed relationship you need to put his feelings ahead of your own and the other way around. When you bring other people into your relationship it will make it very confusing. If you are still with your boyfriend you shoud respect his wishes. If you truely love him this would not be a problem.
By the way you can always fantasize about your neighbor!!! Fantasizing never hurts anyone because you are the only one who knows.
I don't think she's "lonely" for wanting to try polygamy. She's not cheating on her boyfriend if he lets her see other guys at the same time, is she? Or else, he would have been against it in the first place.
Fantasies never hurt anyone...really? I wonder...
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There's something wrong with both of them if they're willing to "be with other people" ... not wrong with THEM as PEOPLE, but something is obviously wrong with their relationship.
There's nothing wrong with being curious about other people; there's nothing wrong with wanting to be with other people... but it's not okay when you're in a relationship.
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http://progressiveu.org/143541-how-to-survive-the-2008-elections
If you want to experiment it, I don't see why anyone should stop you. Even if they try to, they'll probably push you to want to try it more. If your boyfriend agrees, by all means, go ahead. In this kind of situation though, you have to make it clear to every party involved what your intention is. Polygamy is known for a man having multiple wives. I hardly see a girl having multiple boyfriends. Plus, I must warn you that there will be some nasty comments coming your way from the people who know or used to know you. Can you take it?
Keep in mind that it is absolutely natural for you to have feelings for other guys while you're in a relationship. Many people go through it but do not admit it for the fear that they might hurt their partner. So, I don't want you to think that just because you like different guys at the same time, it doesn't make you a polygamist.
It's only an experiment and it doesn't mean you'll married all of them eventually...but be careful because things might not be a great as you think. Power in a relationship is an important factor in order to maintain the status. If you really go through with it, I'd be really interested how it would turn out. Good Luck.
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The Twin Oaks commune in Virginia is an anarchist commune that practices polyamory. It is absolutely possible to have meaningful romantic relationships with more than one person.
--Mike
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