ii secretly wonder if my parents really love me.. ii know that they say the do and if u were looking through a window at us we would be the picture perfect family... but sometimes i wonder if they really love me. ii know that people my age go through this all the time we pray before we go to sleep that things will change but they never really do. we wish that they would treat us the way we see on tv but it never happens. i'm 19 years old and for most of my life i've been wishing that i could change the way my parents were. i've wished that i could make them love me the way i see other peoples parents love then. but a few months ago i realized that i would never be able to change them.. see what i realized is that our parents didnt wake up one day and decided to be jerks toward us...they were raised that way. they went through the same things we do with their parents. They grew up thinking that they're parents didnt love them either and when they had children they decided to change. they changed as much as they could to be different parents to use then they're parents were to them.And when we have children we'll be different to them. the cycle will go on and on....and its up to us to say i wont do the things that my parents did to me...i'll be different i'll hold my lil daughters hand and i'll kiss her goodnight and i'll tell her i love her everyday and i'll be different. looking back now i wouldnt never change my parents because that would change me....and i love who i am.
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I know exactly what you mean. My mom has a temper and yells often at my brothers and I. She grew up in a household where her mom was abusive toward her. She made the choice to be different, but could not completely escape the way she was raised, thus all teh yelling. And I know that I want to be different, but some part of how I've been raised will follow me to raising my own children.
And I wouldn't change anything about my childhood. Well, I would, except that it wuld change me, and I don't want that to happen. All of my internal issues that stem from the yelling help me to help others overcome obstacles in their lives, because I have been through it. And that's worth all the hard times as a child, in my opinion.
And that's comin' at ya' from yer local redneck hippie.