This essay details the change in my reaction to being harassed in public by men. I then briefly point out my own issues with racial dynamics in these interactions and acknowledge the multitude of privileges I have surrounding these situations.
A lot of us, especially if we're women, have been whistled at, grabbed at, and told how fine our tits/ass/whatever looks. Ever since we were 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12,... I don't really remember the day that I realized that my body was fair game for a man to comment on. Suddenly, I just started noticing that when I was walking with myself or a friend, honks, whistles, and leers would start following me. It didn't matter that I was only 14. It didn't matter that I wasn't slim and didn't have double-D breasts. It didn't matter that not even my own parents thought I was pretty. It was enough that I was a teenage female, out in public, and wearing something that was more revealing than a suit of armor. Somehow, that made me a legitimate target.
At first, I never quite let my mind explore how I felt. I only knew that I felt helpless and somewhat unsettled. But those were unpleasant feelings. It wasn't the fact that my body was seen sexually that bothered me. By this time, I had developed my own set of sex-positive principles. How these men acted towards my friends and I were without our consent and it had nothing to do with how prudish we were or how interested in sex we were. But despite the fact that this kind of behavior bothered the heck out of me, it quickly became almost an expected part of the routine. Whenever a man started looking me up and down, or honking at me or following me in their truck, it was just something to brush off and pretend not to notice, to numb yourself and go on with your business. After all, the majority of men just passed me by; I didn't feel helpless 99% of the time I was in public.
But then I started getting angry. One day, while I was walking to the 7-11 to get some sodas for a club meeting, I walked past a group of other kids from my high school. One of them grabbed my ass, but I didn't see which one it was and at the moment, my instinct was to just get myself out of the situation. Having someone's hand momentarily contact my butt wasn't worth getting beat up over. It wasn't the fact that I was afraid of the physical force of guys, though I took that into consideration, it was also the fact that there were many girls in the group. Girls who condoned this kind of harassment against other girls. I shouted "F--- YOU!" to them but they just laughed. Then, when I started college and was getting ready to go clubbing with a group of friends and acquaintances, the other girls warned me that I shouldn't have worn a skirt because it meant exposing oneself to the possibility of having one's vulva touched by a guy. A part of me was revolted that this seemed like a common practice, but it pissed me off more to feel pressured to have to change my outfit. Later, I told a guy acquaintance about that night. He said, "Well, if you're going to wear something short, you're going to have to expect comments." And on and on it went. One of my best women friends said, "They're just trying to get a reaction out of you. You can't respond. That's the only thing you can really do." But nothing really sat right. I used to be numb, and now I seethed with more anger than I could manage. I'm still not sure what the best way to react, both externally, to the other person, and internally, in taking care of myself.
Today was a little different, though. Christina and I were waiting for her friends to buzz us into their apartment. While we were talking, two men saw Christina, and one of them said, "Hello, what's your name?" and stroked her elbow. She pretended that that did not just happened and started to talk to me again. But I turned towards them and said, "Excuse me."
"Excuse you?" the man replied.
"Stop f-----' disrespecting her!" I said firmly.
"How was I disrespecting her? I was just saying hi! I wasn't talking to YOU," he sneered.
"By touching her like that!" I replied.
"I wasn't talking to you," he said again. "I was talking to her."
By that time, Christina's friend had come downstairs to let us in. While we were walking up the concrete stairs, I heard the two men shouting in the distance, "BIIIIIIIITCH" and mocking my words: "'Stop f-----' disrespecting her! Stop f-----' disrespecting her!'" I was flustered, but for the sake of her friends, pretended that nothing had happened. While no one else was talking to us, she thanked me. She said that she isn't confrontational and would never say anything. I told her that maybe it was better that she could deal with it better than I could.
What I wanted to say to her but didn't was that this very individual act is also very political. Those men were so threatened by the words of a nerdy-looking girl who was a little chubby and wore glasses that they had to retaliate by howling "BIIIIIIITCH" at me. They never expected to be challenged because of their assumption of the helplessness of women. It probably won't make them think twice before accosting another woman, and I'm sure that they'll harass another woman similarly, but it did shake them up for a moment. It stopped the trajectory of reinforcing the perceived vulnerability of women. What if every harasser, regardless of gender or whatever, was challenged? They wouldn't be able to easily assume that they could get away with it if the other person challenged their "right" to violate someone else's body and space.
All that being said, if I didn't mention the fact that I am pretty sure that most of these instances were perpetrated by men of color (except for the time when a group of white men decided out loud that I had "no ass"), I wouldn't feel like this entry was complete. A lot of times, the only thing I can think of that would be as hurtful to them as having my space violated is to me would be to say something that scrapes a raw racial nerve, even though in most other instances I would consider myself an anti-racist. But throwing away my principles when it's convenient isn't the way to go if I'm truly anti-racist, and it makes me an awful person for even considering that option. Dismantling privilege isn't about hurting the other person the way they harm you because it does not cause the internal change necessary, the change that is needed for someone to choose to take away their own power and privilege. The other thing is that I actively remind myself that these few instances cannot be the basis of the stereotyping of men of color.
Finally, I wanted to acknowledge my own privileges in the writing on this issue. I do not know what non-Asian Pacific Islander women of color face. I do not know appropriate ways of responding, or what goes through the heads of men who do choose to harass women in the streets. Because of my relatively stable upper-middle class upbringing, I don't have any experience with any form of violence outside of what I've described or with the way class affects these interactions. I know to a lot of you, I sound like the poor little rich girl who is always whining about something while everyone else is able to deal, and more importantly, has to deal. I am not disabled, and also appear as a heterosexual gender-normative woman. Finally, I acknowledge that anyone can violate anyone else, and it is not just men to women (though that is the majority of my own experiences). These experiences are different for everyone, and what I speak from comes from my own limited, bourgy worldview.
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You are not alone in this, I think almost all woman have been harassed in some way or another. When it happens to me I pretend not to notice, because I am so flustered, then when I reflect on it later, I get really upset that I didn't do anything. Because by not doing anything we are saying it is okay. I read somewhere (can't remember where) that men do it because they actually think it makes women feel good about themselves! We need to speak up and let people know it is NOT acceptable.
Next time, I will stand up for myself, and I will make sure my friends do the same.
Thank you for standing up for women! Things that you've mentioned happened to me before. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it because I know they'll never "Get" with me so I let it slide a lot. Maybe it's time for me to say it out loud. I don't get why guys do that, and I doubt they'll ever admit it. Those people who actually do it just can't get a pretty girl to get laid with. I never considered myself as pretty either. I dress like a tomboy actually, which I am very proud of. Guys mostly aim at girls who wear clothes too revealing. Sigh...guys...I'd love to hear what they have to say besides comments like "Not all girls are like that."
This reminds of me Fugazi's song "Suggestion." One of my favorites, actually. I've had girls grab MY ass of all things...but I've never engaged in anything even remotely like harassment myself. I don't know what makes people (predominantly guys) who do it think that the recipient will actually like it. There's an undertone of entitlement to it I think; "I can so I will." Bad parenting, passive parenting and absentee parenting altogether can be attributed to these behaviors but I would like to think there is another societal check point where negative influencees are effectively countered. Schools (at least public ones in their current state) aren't potent enough at this point for that.
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Gabriel
I stand up for myself everytime I get a sexual comment. But their reactions are always the same, flicking me off and calling me a bitch. I am known as a bitch. Whatever if I'm the bitch who the hell are you? I believe that everytime I stand up I am helping the women around me. Because I give them the strength for them to do it themselves. I have seen it with my friends, they stand up for themselves now because I do.
I applaud you, and I wish there was one of you in every town.
b-money
"A cactus is the opposite of a chair. In my house you can sit anywhere but there."
my parents have always told me to just ignore sexual comments and act as if i don't hear them. it's worked so far because i usually hear comments from dirty men in their cars or men working in a public place. i wouldn't be able to talk some one down unless i feel safe and the minute a man comes and touches me unappropriately, i will feel as if i am in the worst danger. i will probably kick him u know where and run for my life.
I've never been inappropriately touched by a guy, but if I am, I'll do my best to get in his face, tell him off, or hit him in the balls, depending on the situation. Excellent post.
Common sense is as rare as genius. ~Emerson
It's good that you were able to stand up for your friend, and make it clear that that this kind of behavior is not OK. I don't think enough women feel comfortable doing so, even today. I'm one of those women, like your friend, who doesn't want to stand up for herself. I don't know about your friend, but in my own experiences it is because I'm scared. It is good to hear that you are able to stand up for yourself and for your friends when they can't.
Beside that point, your essay is very well written and well thought out. Kudos.
Peace
Tahni
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"Tell me - if no one ever hears what you say, then why don't you shout it?" -- Floater
this comment will be quick because i have to finish dinner, but i agree 100 percent. women should not have to worry about being harrassed.
It is frustrating having to deal with crap like this, and class doesn't always have something to do with it. I commend you for being a strong woman and throwing lewd comments back in men's faces. I remember once reading a poem in a chain letter (silly, I know) that contained the line "Just because I'm assertive, don't call me a bitch." Women are expected to take abuse lying down, but as soon as we lash out, we're not "normal." Maybe someday this will change for the better...
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ce.apocryphalpublishing.com
Seeing as I have been on both sides of the fence, so to speak, you would think I would know how to deal with this. Sadly I have no cure.
For those that don't know, I am an MtF pre-op transsexual. I have spent the greater majority of my life trying to pretend to be a boy, and failing miserably.
Having led the social life of a boy I can tell you it has nothing to do with a ham fisted attempt at flattery. This is all about power. Women have a natural sexual power over men. Men resent not being in charge or powerful. These comments for the most part are to try and gain that power back from women. I can't tell you how many times I have heard the phrase, "She must be a f***ing DYKE!" simply because a guys advances to a girl have been turned down. I admit I didn't move in circles that were as bold as to confront women directly, but the conversations that went on behind women's backs was nothing short of vile from my perspective.
My first experience from the woman's perspective was about 2 weeks after coming out and "dressing" part time in public. I wasn't what I would call a slim guy and when dressed as a woman I was actually quite tubby. So when a car drove past and a guy at least twice the girth of me leaned out of the window and shouted, "F***ing hefty mole!" I was a little confused. I had never experienced this from the woman's perspective, but had seen it happen only to often as a guy. Just as I was forming some rather unsavory words in retaliation, my brain stopped and I just didn't make a noise. I looked at it this way:
He called me a mole, thats an insult in the feminine, so ok he also thought I was fat (had he looked into a mirror recently??). By using that word it indicated that he though I was truly a woman, I "passed". Passing as a woman is always the biggest hurdle for trannies, so to be called a mole, even though it was intended as an insult actually was the best thing that happened to me all day.
Since then I have lost a lot of weight and the hormones have started to feminise my features more and more. I no longer look at it as a compliment and see it for what it truly is, a power game.
I suppose I have an advantage over natal women in this respect. I have the ability to confront these would be casanova's in a less than conventional way. On one particular occasion after ignoring some low life scum for nearly 15 minutes he finally crossed the line and slapped me on the butt. As I was at one of my favorite clubs, Sin, I felt safe enough to turn around, putting on the most low and rumbling masculine voice that I am capable of and said, "touch me again mate and I will break your f***ing arm... OK???" Not only had I stood up for myself I had also managed to take the power back from him by making him question his sexuality. It isn't everyday a straight guy slaps a trannie on the butt.
From that point forward I have armed myself with come backs to most situations. One of the Aussie male's favorite phrases to use against me is, "What kind of fagot are you?" My standard response, "Well if you are asking me out on a date I can be any kind you want me to be sweetheart... Do you like being the bottom or the top!"
The initial confrontation is usually about power from the male perspective, I try hard to take all that power back from them. I don't know how a natal woman could do that. My unique situation makes it easier, but there surely must be a way.
Cathii
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Those who know everything have learned little from life.
I wish girls had that same power to make a man question his sexuality or sexual power. But I think even lesbians today have trouble because men see it as "hot" and want to "get in on that action." That just makes it impossible for girls to overcome such advances. But if you at least affected one guy, you've done a great thing for all girls, yourself included.
b-money
"A cactus is the opposite of a chair. In my house you can sit anywhere but there."
Oh wow. I couldn't stop myself from doubling over laughing at the club scene and your comeback to the most common "insult" you tend to receive. Hilarious!
To the author, I'm glad you stood up, for your friend and women alike. When I was a bit younger, guys used to call out to me and say things like "Ay girl, my dude wanna talk to you!" as a joke because I was never really "pretty". I, myself, just brushed it off as well. But not so much anymore. Don't get too much of that these days. I'm obviously gay, being a stud and all. The girls homophobs and the like tend to call "dyke". So, a lot of people can't tell I'm even female sometimes, even though I'm... how do you say? Plus size and have D cup breasts. LOL! I don't get how they can't tell the difference. But anyway... that's great. I'm so happy for you and to every other woman standing up for herself, more power to you! To all of you who haven't found it in you to be able to do that, I can really relate and here's to the day you can.
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Reading is FUN...damental!
"We must always take sides. Neutrality aids the oppressor not the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented."
thanks for your reply.
i'm really excited to meet someone who identifies as a stud. do you know of any similar words for a "femme" woman of color who doesn't identify as "femme"?
Thank you for this post. You knew me in high school, and if a guy touched my ass, I would literally turn around and punch him in the stomach. But I was in Amsterdam over the summer, and when a guy grabbed one cheek, all I could do was turn and glare at him and keep walking. I felt awful, and I still regret not slapping him across the face (although arrested in a foreign country doesn't sound like a good plan...). I'm glad you stood up for your friend, and I think we should hold those accountable who are! Keep up the good work!
b-money
"A cactus is the opposite of a chair. In my house you can sit anywhere but there."
All that being said, if I didn't mention the fact that I am pretty sure that most of these instances were perpetrated by men of color (except for the time when a group of white men decided out loud that I had "no ass"), I wouldn't feel like this entry was complete.
The single time I have been slapped on the ass was by a white guy. I turned to glance at him, since it was between class and things were kind of in chaos, and he blushed and mumbled he was sorry and moved on. Similarly, there has been only one time I've endured cat calls from men of color. And I don't live in all-white neighborhoods. On the contrary. For the most part, with the exception of my college campus, I have lived in neighborhoods where whites are in the minority.
~C
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Being a runner, I get all kinds of comments, stares, honks, whatever everyday. Most of the time I just have to brush it off like it's no big deal. It just bugs the crap out of me. I'm glad that you stood up to those men. That's something I would never be able to do.
I understand your plight and how most men that have messed with you are men of color; but in any neighborhood this can be VERY different. Mostly white men (I'm black) have been rude to me; I could say that about three or four black guys have said things to me. (I remember the number because I was shocked!) Guys are pigs, no matter how some of them are better at disguising it then others. I understand that this isn't about race, it's about guys and their need to dominate women.
i really appreciate your perspective. your comment was the kind of comment i was hoping to get because my situation happens to me probably because of what i look like and where i live and all that.
"Guys are pigs, no matter how some of them are better at disguising it then others."
That's about as constructive as 'all women are sluts, some just don't know it yet.' There's a line between Feminism and Female Chauvinism.
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I am the people my mother warned me about.
You start yelling when there isn't a fire; I've noticed that about you. My husband told me that quote, and I'll take it step by step with you:
1. Guys will always look at women, even if it's respectful or disrespectful (A pig, or not). If a man is a hetero, he is looking at females. If a guy is gay he is looking at women, to emulate them. (That was a joke before you get on your high horse again).
2. Most of what I said pertained to the conversations at hand, where females are yelled at and get unwanted attention by males. Pigs. Oink Oink.
A guy can still look and appreciate a female without being disrespectful.
Thanks for you comparison. 'all women are sluts, some just don't know it yet.'
I wasn't yelling. I was merely pointing out the sweeping generalization you made. I hear it all too often; women calling all men pigs, men calling all women stupid. You didn't state that guys who wolf whistle etc. were pigs, you said guys are pigs.
"A guy can still look and appreciate a female without being disrespectful."
Which is what most do, if this wasn't true, you'd hardly be able to hear yourself think walking down a busy street. But by your standard, you are saying that even if men check out women respectfully, they are pigs who simply disguise it better. Does that make all women pigs too? Or do women check men out in such a deep and artful manner that it elevates them far above us mere piggies?
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I am the people my mother warned me about.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/tuffgong
Have you not read the other comments? Yes it IS true, most women can't walk anywhere without being ogled at.
Yes I made a "sweeping generalization" and yes I'm going to stand by that. You need to go figure out some better things than pounding away at my statement that men are pigs.
Men are pigs. Everyone is a pig. Some are better at hiding it than others.
most women can't walk anywhere without being ogled at.
I just spent the past three days in NYC. The people there tend to not look at other people, period. Thus, most women don't get ogled, at least to the point that you're suggesting (with the wolf whistles and all). Some women probably get ogled wherever they go, but I don't think most women do.
~C
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lol i've never been wolfwhistled at either. I wouldn't even know half the time I was being looked at when I was younger because my mom (yes, she was one of those crazy moms) would announce, very loudly, "She's only 15!" I still don't notice it and I don't think many women do. I notice guys looking at my friends all the time, but they don't notice it. When I was out with my girlfriend prissy one time I told her that a guy at walmart was looking at her and she said, oh, what? She didn't believe me.
I'm pretty sure you're a woman (because of the doggie pic, but if you're not I'm sorry) and I'm pretty sure you got stared at in the "big apple" but you didn't realize it.
"Yes it IS true, most women can't walk anywhere without being ogled at."
I think it would be slightly more reasonable to say that most women have been ogled at some point, not that they can't walk anywhere without being ogled. I'd say it would be more accurate to state that a few women are ogled anywhere they walk, because only a few women provoke that kind of response from most men.
The fact is, that some woman walk past a group of guys on the street and one guy wolf whistles at them, they treat it like every guy there has just wolf whistled them. I have one or two friends who constantly wolf whistle and pass sleazy comments to women. They are also the guys who always end up with cheap and sleazy women, not the women the wolf whistle at.
If you honestly believe that all men are pigs, I'd have to say that you don't know much about men. Which is why I compared you to guys who think all women are sluts, because they don't know much about women. There is a difference between a slut and a woman who enjoys sex, the same way there is a difference between a pig and a guy who finds women physically attractive.
The fact is that there are billions of men on the face of this Earth and despite the assertions of some women, they are not all the same. Yes, most men are attracted to women. Yes, the sight of the naked or partially exposed female form triggers a physiological response in men. But who decided that our natural attraction to women relegates us to the level of 'Pig', regardless of how we choose to react to such stimuli.
"Yes I made a "sweeping generalization" and yes I'm going to stand by that."
Standing by a sweeping generalization is not something to be applauded, that's what bigots do.
"Men are pigs. Everyone is a pig. Some are better at hiding it than others."
Some guys are crass and get their jollies harassing women in the street, but you seem to think that the rest of us only refrain from harassing women because we are disguising our true nature. It never occurred to you that some guys don't harass women in the street because they find it crass and embarassing enough when a friend of theirs does it and makes the rest of us look like assholes? Beware of men who tell you that all guys are like them; we are not. Guys who think that we men are all the same demonstrate the same lack of awareness as women who think that all women are like them. Both male and female chauvinists tend to view themselves as a gender based ideal, with anybody who falls outside of their measure being relegated to pretenders or traitors.
The fact is, some men and women actually have enough respect for themselves to take exception to being labelled as pigs.
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I am the people my mother warned me about.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/tuffgong
"I'd say it would be more accurate to state that a few women are ogled anywhere they walk, because only a few women provoke that kind of response from most men."
Since you claim I'm the one generalizing and, ahem, a bigot, I'd say that's a score for me! What kind of women provoke that kind of reaction? And I'm not just limiting it to wolf-whistles, or comments, or even ogling.
New definition: A look that is longer than necessary. How about that? Okay. So what kind women attract attention? Nice face? Big breasts? Blond hair? Fat ass? Black, white, Asian? (You get what I'm saying, lol?) Who's "most men"? Let's gather every male together and have them describe the kind of woman they would look at longer than necessary.
You might think I'm being ridiculous, but I'm not. When you commented about how ridiculous what I said was, and beated (past tense?) the dead horse, I'm obligated to reply.
Okay, next point. You say that men are naturally attracted to females, okay. How they respond to the "stimuli"? How about they don't? How about we have a classification of attractive males that can reply to a female, and everyone else don't? If you think that's completely ridiculous, it is. (That really has no point. I just thought that was kinda funny because me and girlfriend were talking about that one time.)
My point is that you believe not all guys are pigs. Okay, I understand that. To stop from being a bigot I will modify my belief to say that 80% of guys are pigs.
Beware of "friends" that disrespect females.
And by the way, I'm really not a female chauvinist. I can't stand females.
"What kind of women provoke that kind of reaction?"
Women like Jessica Alba. Men have different tastes, but women like that will provoke oggling from most men.
"And I'm not just limiting it to wolf-whistles, or comments, or even ogling.
New definition: A look that is longer than necessary. How about that? Okay."
So basically what you are talking about is admiring somebody. I don't see what's so piggish about that.
"So what kind women attract attention?"
If you are talking about the type of woman who will get oggled by most men, in most places, as opposed to every once in a while, we would be talking either exceptionally beautiful women like the afore mentioned Jessica Alba or reasonably attractive women who dress like they might come right over and suck your dick if you wolf whistle at them (think your average rank and file pornstar lookalike)
"Let's gather every male together and have them describe the kind of woman they would look at longer than necessary."
If you did, you would find that only certain women would be oggled by a majority. You said that women can't walk anywhere without being oggled by men. I actually said that is only a problem for a minority of women. Most women only get oggled or whistled at every now and again, not constantly.
"To stop from being a bigot I will modify my belief to say that 80% of guys are pigs."
I'd say closer to 30% with a further 35% pretending to be pigs because they think it makes them appear more manly. Which is funny, because I define my manliness by my ability to stand my ground and be my own man, not by how well I can pretend to be like some other dude.
"Beware of "friends" that disrespect females."
I don't take them seriously, largely because I've seen their true colours when they go all soft and sensitive when the right female comes along. Very few guys I know withstand that test, regardless of all their big talk and bravado. Guys who genuinely have no respect for females as a gender are actually in an extreme minority. All people will identify certain other people who they don't respect, some are men, some are women. I can think of as many people of both sexes that I would happily disrespect and it has nothing to do with their gender.
"And by the way, I'm really not a female chauvinist. I can't stand females."
I don't have a preference really. I like to hang out with cool people, I couldn't give a rats ass whether they have a dick or a clit.
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I am the people my mother warned me about.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/tuffgong
You're amazing and articulate.
By the way, Jessica Alba is sooo over. It's moved on to Katherine Heigl.
"By the way, Jessica Alba is sooo over. "
I really hope so, that might increase my chances ;)
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I am the people my mother warned me about.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/tuffgong
Oh Gods. I remember the first time I ever had to deal with something like that. My sister and I had went to the mall (we were all of 13 and 14) and some guy yells at us from his car. We look up and there is a penis hanging out the window, flapping in the wind. I was absolutely horrified and had no clue what to do besides run to mall security.
When we moved I had a large group of male friends and they always stood up for me and my sister and made sure that no one they knew was screwing around being morons toward me or sis and they would call out the guys that did act like idiots or think it was acceptable form to grab at us. The only experiences I do remember from those years were white guys.
In 9th grade I was home sick one day and Jamie, one of the guys that had lived on our couch for a while after he and his aunt got into it, called the house from school absolutely furious. Two guys had cornered my sister and another girl at lunch and were grabbing their breasts and just being absolutely horrid to them.
They'd upset sis and her friend so bad they were both in tears and terrified. When Jamie finally got the story out of them, he immediately called mom to come bring sis home and beat the hell out of the two responsible. They apologized and never attempted to come near her again when they were eventually let back into school. I remember though, that when mom picked him and sis up and they got home he told me that black women didn't tolerate any bullshit towards women from their male kids there. They treated women with respect or got the crap beat out of them and that's just the way it was. They would get in more trouble for not doing something if a woman was being disrespected than they would for beating the hell out of whoever was disrespecting a woman. So, I don't know. I would say that at least where I grew up, black men at least were less likely to be dicks than white guys.
I've not had to deal with it often since I've been out of school. We either have my husband or the boys with us when we're out and guys tend to behave themselves around here when kids or giant men are around.
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~Fallon~
"Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life. Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something." Henry David Thoreau
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I totally agree with you. I'm pretty sure we have all got honked at or a comment has been said to us, and i feel like i'm being degraded when i witness such things. I dont understand why men feel like it's okay to act this way to women. Its not cute, its not a turn on, its disrespectful!
I'm glad that more women like us have been standing up to these guys who are sexually harassing us.
I was in an unfamiliar neighborhood, and this car stopped on an avenue right in front of me as i was about to cross the street. they completely stopped traffic and ingored all the honking behind them as the passenger continued to insist that i was pretty and asking me if i would like to "go for a ride"...
i just said thank you and no thanks to the ride
i would have never replied, but once my cousin pointed out an interesting point regarding guys "complementing" you.... you should respond because the guy might get offended and hurt you (being crazy and all)
guys in general need to change, until then we need to learn how to properly handle those situations:: what the proper way is im not all that sure...BUT we should find out
Some guys really think that catches ladys' attentions.. I, personally, think it is rude and disrespectful
Thank you for posting this up, it needs to be known that what guys are doing, whether they think its a turn on or whatever, is definitely not. Instead they just infuriate the women by disrespecting her and her body. If you want to get with a girl, there are polite and acceptable ways to do; these ways will actually work because the women will see your not another dog on the streets. i just hope that as many men are reading this as women.
it took me a while to get around to reading this post (mostly because i don't check proU's homepage that often and i missed this post when it was circulating in the sidebars, apparently) but i'm glad i did...
i do find that it discourages me from standing up for myself, knowing that i will probably get called a bitch or a dyke or god know what...
but what i find really depressing is that it's so expected that in certain situations if i don't even get ogled a little i feel like i'm not even worth it to these scumbags and that makes me feel very unpretty...i know that sounds ridiculous, but it's how i feel.
oh well, these days i've taken to carrying my mp3 player everywhere--having headphones in does a lot to get rid of unwanted attention, mostly because if there is any i'm completely unaware of it. =P
--stacie
Lately, I've grown accustomed to just ignoring men's comments when they cat call and yell. I've noticed that quite a few get offended that they're not getting any attention. Then they generally yell something like b*tch or c*nt, or something equally generic.
The club part was right on too. I went out in a skirt a few weeks ago to a club. I admit it was short, but it wasn't obscene or anything. So, I'm dancing with some friends and this guy comes out of nowhere. He starts to grind on me and put his hands up my skirt. I turned around and just sort of stared at him. He got the hint really fast and then proceeded to move on to the next girl in the group. I mean I know it's a club, but still. I want to know what girls actually let them get away with behavior like that, so that they think it's okay to do it to other girls.