Okay. . . so here's one for all you guys and girls out there! This may just be one of the most twisted events I've witnessed amongst a group of so-called 'friends' I've heard of in quite some time. I've pondered and thought. . . maybe it's just where I'm living; maybe it's just that my neighborhood holds some very small minded people; or, has the world really gone mad! You be the judge.
There is a mom in my neighborhood with four children. Her husband works retail and, if anyone is familiar with the retail way of life; the work hours are anything but steady; if you intend to move up in any given company, you go where they tell you to go when they tell you to. The retail environment is not exactly conducive to the 'family' lifestyle. . . it is full of people who don't mind tearing other people's family's apart. Hence, we have the retail management husband. Stay at home mom busy raising the kids, all of which are toddlers but one who is approximately 10 years old. Mom takes care of everything except bringing home the paycheck. She handles the kids, the bills, the housecleaning, the cooking, the grocery shopping, the 'fix-its' in the house, etc. Okay. . . so maybe she's not the best of housekeepers but, who can be with everything else on a plate that full.
The family moves into what claims to be more than a neighborhood but a 'family community.' One that cares about its neighbors and looks out for each other. GREAT! Sounds nice. Along come the stay-at-home busy body mom's of the neighborhood. Along with them come their back-stabbing judgements. Although, they claim to become this new mom's friend.
I am not one for gossip of any type. . . never have been, never will be. I am silly to assume that, because I don't care what other people are doing that they, in turn, don't care as much as I. You know what they say when you assume! So, you can imagine my surprise when I am told by the neighborhood Glady's Cravitt's (self-proclaimed mind you) that another women in the 'hood' wants to do an 'intervention on retail management husband's wife. Goodness! Why does this women need an intervention I'm wondering?. . . drugs, alcohol, the kids being neglected. . what? Nooooo, the intervention would be because. . . . here it goes. . . she doesn't keep her house clean enough! I thought I missed something so I needed clarification. I was told that these women 'heard' that the husband was cheating on the wife and it was no wonder because she didn't keep her house clean enough! Did you catch that???? SHE DOESN'T KEEP HER HOUSE CLEAN ENOUGH so it's HER FAULT her husband is cheating. I'm sorry but, I'm still stuck on the 'intervention' part. Is it me? Why would anyone else care how clean, or not, someone else keeps their house?
I have seen retail management's home. . .inside and out and I can personally say what it looks like. . . a family that has children who LIVE there! It may not be to the standards that maybe I would be comfortable living in or maybe others would be comfortable living it but it certainly isn't a rat infested, filth ridden mess! Who, might I ask, is anyone to pass judgement on another based on the cleanliness of their home? Furthermore, These women have not walked a day in the life of this mother of 4 who takes care of everything other than the paycheck. An intervention for a less than spotless home? I am still flabbergasted. The truly ironic part is that one of the women who thought it was okay keeps a bottle of vodka in her refrigerator as though it were orange juice. . . . drinking it at every meal. Her husband is never seen without a beer as though it were a permenant appendage on his body! WHO needs the intervention?
I ran into retail management's wife the other day. She was talking so fast I could hardly keep up with what she was saying. She was telling me about how she was trying to get rid of a lot of things in the house because it was being put on the market. She told me how she found out her husband was cheating and how it had been going on for about a year before she found out. She told me how this had not been the first time. She told me how her 'friend' is the one her put her on to it because she had gone out of town on a vacation with the kids and the 'friend' (Ms. "I think we need to do an intervention on her") would drive by late at night and noticed the husband's car was not there. I asked her, "How would she notice that? I drive by your house all the time and I couldn't tell you whether anyone was home or not at any given time. Secondly, what is she doing out at that time of night to be able to check!. . . doesn't she have anything better to do with her time?" I didn't have the heart to tell her this 'friend' was not really her friend!
If I were someone's friend and felt they had a problem keeping up with their housework, an 'intervention' is not something that would pop into my head. Call me crazy but, empathy and compassion would be my first response's. I might offer to take the children for a day so she could either get some rest or get caught up. I may offer to come over on a weekend and help her get some things done. I may even get some other girlfriends together to go over and give her a help with spring cleaning. I may even go so far as to give her a Mother's Day gift of hiring a cleaning service! But, an intervention. . . I don't think so!
Is this really what love is about. . . a clean house plus dinner on the table equals love? Then does that love equal fidelity in a marriage? Retail manager had a wife that bore his children. She followed him from state to state to state so that he could further his career. She handled everything at home so all he had to focus on was his work. He had a hot meal on the table no matter what time of the night he came home. . . be it 6:00 at night or 10:00-11:00. He didn't have to worry about fixing anything, taking care of the kids or, his wife cheating on him. She was far too busy for that! He claimed to love her. They had a very active sex life as well. So why the infidelity on his part? According to the neighborhood gossiper's. . . because the house wasn't clean enough and she deserved it. If only she had kept the house cleaner. . . . if only the kids were calmer. I'm sorry but, I don't buy it.
These women, "intervention initiators," are not older women who may have been raised to believe that a women's place is in the home and they are to 'serve' their husbands. I might half way be able to understand their intentions if this were the case. No, I think these are back-stabbing, not-so-nice, judgmental, mean-spirited individuals who, apparently, have nothing better to do than wallow in someone else's misery. And where are they now. . now that the wife is trying to prepare the home by herself and take care of the kids while the soon-to-be ex is in another state? Not lending her moral support I can assure you that! No, they have probably moved on to some other unsuspecting new neighbor.
You will know who your true friends are by not only their words but more by their actions. Empathy and compassion for others seems to be lacking in this small-minded 'family community' within a large city. I have lived in many places in my lifetime alongside many different cultures and people. NEVER have I seen such cynical, nasty, self-serving individuals as I have in this community.
We are in the year 2007. At what point will the double standard of what is acceptable behavior out of men and women going to be null and void? Fidelity in a marriage should have no bearing on a clean house, whether dinner is cooked or comes home in a box. This husband made the choice to step outside the marriage on his own. It wouldn't have mattered if his house were spotless, the kids were quiet, or his wife were America's top model. Hell, if Halle Berry, Jennifer Anniston and all the other drop dead gorgeous women in the world who don't even HAVE to clean their own homes aren't safe, neither is anyone else.
Until women start to stand united together and stop competing with one another, family's will continue to be torn apart. Men, if given the chance and opportunity, and a women is willing and waiting. . . they will cheat. It us up to the women to stop the cycle. Let's face it. . . men are the weaker sex when it comes to infidelity. All it takes from either one is the strength to say "No", either to themselves or the pursuing sex. At the very least, if you are going to cheat, be man, or women, enough, to fess up and give the HONEST partner the option of either getting out and on with their life or putting up with your sorry self. But, by no means can you place the blame on a dirty house!
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