My Grandmother's Passing

I think sometimes that life itself is of very fickle nature. My Grandmother passed away today at age 91. I read somewhere that every person you meet and the information that you take away from encounters is comparable to that of your lifes story. My grandmother was a wonderful woman. I cannot begin to imagine living that long. Unfortunately, life had taken me to Washington. I'm not exactly a hop,skip, and job away from my family anymore. When I lived by her, I was fortunate enough to be able to spend time with her. Time that the rest of the family considered a nuisance. My Saturday mornings consisted of taking my 4 children to the grocery store with my 90 year old grandmother ( who was considered to be legally blind) but wanted to use her magnifying glass out of pure determination. Nothing kept this woman down. And I am happy beyond words that I was lucky enough to spend this time with her.

My family never took the time out to call her or go around. They never took the time out to make sure that she felt the love that she had so generously given to them over the years, they were all to busy with their lives. Not one of them took the time out this Mothers Day and her Birthday which was a few days shy of mothers day to so much as send her a card, and I wonder to myself how people could become so self absorbed. The children and I sent her the biggest bouquet of flowers that we could find along with a present- but we are only part of the equation and I know that the fact they never took time out to tell her how much she meant really hurt her. ( Though she would never admit it!) I think of how lucky I was to be given such a strong role model. My great grandmother was a tough lady! Perhaps even more tough than she was- she was wise. She refused to let the circumstances of her life, dictate her actions. After all she was nearly the only blind 90 year old woman at the Casino :) Lordy, she loved to gamble!

They telephoned this morning to tell me that she had gotten worse. The hospice nurse said that she was not sure that I could make it there by plane before she passed, and she was correct. She died surrounded by family that never cared enough to take time out of their lives to thank her for the values and meaning she had added to ours over the years. I loved her like a mother and I could not be there. I feel a bit bitter that they have tried to find self redemption at her death bed but also a great joy that now she is not suffering. My grandmother could deal with alot of things, but loosing her independence really broke her down emotionally. I know deep inside that took everything from her.

So gone now are all the phone calls that once brightened my day, I guess now she gets to brigten someone elses whos far more important. I could never repay her for the valuable lessons that she has taught me, the independence that she has shown me, and the joy that she added to my life. I am regretful that the rest of my family did not see her pain and suffering until it was the end. I am so very sorry that she had to die feeling like the only thing they cared about was her money. When I spoke to her on the phone this morning, there was so much I wanted to tell her- but how do you really say it to someone who is so sick? I was beside myself really, the only thing that I could tell her was how much I loved her in the middle of my sobs.

I have lost a peice of my heart. No more making mudd pies as a child or playing hide and seek in her back yard, no more listening to Paul Harvey and eating oatmeal and toast in the morning ( it was her rule!) No more watering the flowers or taking the children to her house to trick or treat as we done as children, no more taking her to the casino (hehe) because she is gone. So while the rest of my family can be concerned about what they were left and what they did or did not do when she was here, I find contentment in knowing that she knew how very much I loved her and now she watches over us peacefully in no pain.

Life is funny sometimes... and I hope that I can lead as fulfilling a life as she did, without bitterness and with hope for a brighter tomorrow from the wisdom that she has given me.